Page 48 of Hate Me Like You Mean It

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Where are you working now? I lost track after Acsonn.

Me

Rude.

Adrien

Genuine question.

Me

You’ve lost the privilege of an answer.

Back to my thing bc my phone’s about to die.

Addy, you know how you’ve got a permanent hard on for plants?

Momma

Alice!

Me

Your son’s a freak. I don’t know what to tell you.

Dad

Wait, Alice, where are you working now? Your mother doesn’t know either.

Me

I stg it would be easier to try and get a bunch of squirrel monkeys to stay on topic

Gramp Stamp

Dr. Thomas gave me a fun fact about squirrel monkeys if you’d like to hear.

Me

I do not.

Gramp Stamp

They partake in something called “urine washing.”

Sister In Law, Esq.

My old neighbor used to do that. But he put it through a homemade filtration system first

Sister In Law, Esq.

He bragged about it to Jamie once when she ran into him in the parking lot. Right before asking her out on a date

Me

Adrien, I know you have a “plant guy” that you brag about constantly because he can source “all the good shit”

And I definitely used to tell everybody “plant guy” = drug dealer, because I didn’t want people to know my older brother was a dork

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