Page 72 of In Love and War
“Amelia, will you look at me, please?”
I didn’t move right away, but he waited. Eventually, I parted the middle and ring fingers on my right hand, creating a slit for my eye to peer through.
His head dropped and a laugh that resembled a huff escaped his mouth. And when he looked up at me again, he was flushed. Actually flushed.
I let my hands fall down onto my lap, with him still holding on to my wrists. He was knelt down in front of my chair now, his eyes skating across my face, taking me in.
He opened his mouth slightly, as if he wanted to say something, but he hesitated and closed it again.
“Now you’re pink” were the words that came out of my mouth, breaking the silence. There were about a million other things I wanted to say to him, but that’s what my brain decided was the best thing to blurt out.
“I—”
A noise outside of the office door made him pounce back up to his feet and take two steps back. I instinctively straightened up in my chair and turned to my computer.
No one came in.
“Okay, yeah, you’re right. We can’t talk here,” he said, his eyes fixed on the door. “Get up.”
“I can’t. I have work to do,” I said, letting out a shaky breath.
“It can wait until tomorrow.”
I opened my mouth to argue but stopped. The conversation needed to happen either way. Might as well just get it over with.
I got up and followed him out, keeping my distance. He led us down to the parkade, and we got in his car without a single word spoken.
“Uh, where are we going?” I asked, surprised when he started to drive. I thought we were just going to talk in his car.
“Relax, Amelia, I’m not kidnapping you,” he answered with a sigh, noting my panic. “It’s raining. I’m driving you home. Now talk.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. And, surprisingly enough, he didn’t push. We sat in silence for the majority of the ride, listening to the rain splatter against the car.
Say something. Just get it over and done with.
“I… can’t do this… with you,” I finally said, fighting against every last fiber of my own being to get the words out.
“Why?” His voice was flat.
The car came to a stop, and I didn’t have to look up from my lap to know we’d pulled up to my building. It was pouring now.
“It was one thing while we were in New York and… away. But now, here, it’s already messy,” I continued, my eyes fixed on my fidgeting fingers on my lap. “She likes you… Monica. And my dad’s noticed it too. He’s observant, and he picks up on things, social cues, that most people miss. So, even if we were to continue doing this, it would be near-impossible to keep it from him for too long.”
He didn’t say anything.
“And I know it’s not any of my business who you get involved with. Or it shouldn’t be, at least. But she’s my cousin, and I can’t…”
More silence.
“You can’t fuck me and date her,” I breathed quietly.
“For fuck’s sake, Amelia. Is that seriously what you think I want?” he snapped, finally breaking his silence. His voice was gruff. A mixture of frustration and anger.
“Even if it’s not, how do you expect all of this will play out if we keep going? What do you want from me, Zac?” I looked up at him, and the blue of his eyes hit me with the force of a thousand waves, knocking the air out of my lungs.
His lips were pressed together, his jaw locked. He knew I wasn’t expecting an actual answer. I knew he couldn’t give me one.
“This was a bad idea from day one. So let’s just… forget it happened and go back to the way things were before New York.”
