Page 34 of In Love and War
“It wouldn’t be the worst thing.” He looked away from me when he said it, his voice faint enough that I barely heard him, as he stopped playing with his glass and brought it to his mouth.
Silence settled between us, and my insides violently churned, like I’d been punched in the gut. A small lump started to develop at the back of my throat, and I tried to piece together why that hurt me so much.
This isn’t new information. You already knew that’s how he felt. Get your shit together.
“You’re right, it wouldn’t. Everything else aside, I had one less asshole to deal with over there, which really makes all the difference.” I gave him a sarcastic smile.
I probably should have played it cool instead of going on the offensive, but I wasn’t thinking entirely clearly.
“Amelia.” Zac ran a hand through his hair which he only ever did out of pure frustration. “That wa—”
“It doesn’t matter,” I interrupted him, my voice colder than it needed to be, which made it obvious that I’d taken it personally.
I didn’t care whether he had an explanation or not. With every second that passed, the hurt I felt turned more and more into anger, directed mostly at myself.
I was angry that I’d let him make me feel like this. I was angry at the reaction my body had to him every time he so much as looked my way. And I was angry that I no longer hated him the way I used to, even though I so deeply and desperately wanted to.
Seven years of work I’d put into becoming the person I was today, so I could get my revenge and prove them wrong. That meant countless all-nighters filled with work and studying. It meant skipping parties and social events, and not being able to maintain long-lasting romantic relationships because I was constantly so busy.
And it was all threatening to slip away as I began to lose control.
“It doesn’t?” His eyes narrowed as he studied my face.
“No, it doesn’t. I don’t care that you want me gone, Zac. I’m not going anywhere.” I concentrated on maintaining my cool on the outside, but the anger was still seeping through.
I took another sip of my drink.Can I get ten more of these?
“Fuck, thatwasn’twhat I meant!” Another hand through the hair.
“Bullshit,” I called him out, “but even so.It. Doesn’t. Matter.We have one project that we need to get through together. Once we’re done, you can go back to pretending like I don’t exist and vice versa.”
A beat of silence as the tips of his ears began to redden.
“Is that what you really want?” His voice matched his aggravated expression as he leaned forward.
“I want the same thing you do.” I mirrored him and leaned in.
I didn’t care that he was mad.
Frankly, I couldn’t understand why he would be. Nothing about him ever made any sense to me.
“And what, exactly, do you think that is, Amelia?” His words came out slowly, his entire body tense as he stared me down.
I fuckinghatehow he says my name.
“Why don’t you just tell me,Zac?” I was now whisper yelling across the table.
His only response was an irritated twitch in his jaw as our heated staring contest continued.
I was so insanely frustrated and I wanted so badly to tell him to go fuck himself that I had to bite down on the inside of my bottom lip to physically stop from blurting it out.
His eyes immediately dropped down to where my teeth sank into my flesh.
Except this time, it was a full two heartbeats before they made their way back up again, slowly, his jaw now completely clenched.
The intensity in his eyes was so overwhelming that I almost looked away, purely out of instinct.
“Sorry about that.” David’s voice came out of nowhere, a sudden reminder of where we were. “Minor work emergency. Did I miss anything exciting?”
