Page 54 of Wicked Thieves
“For a long time, that face haunted me. I was left starving and without a home, barely capable of truly knowing which street to wander next before Henry finally found us. And yet, that satisfied sneer on that Watchman’s face after he thrust his sword through my mother’s chest had remained an ever-present memory. Branded itself into my mind. I swore to Idris that one day I’d find him. In part, when Aeric made the offer to have us join the ranks, I did sowith the hope of finding that man. Years passed, and the second time I saw him, he was practically an old man. Should have been a shell of the tormentor he’d been, weathered by age and regrets. Instead, he was laughing with a tankard of ale in his hand amongst his friends. As if slaughtering hundreds that night had become a mere afterthought to him. Idris held me back before I did something truly stupid in the heart of the Watchmen’s compound. Ruined all of our chances all for the sake of my revenge. There was more at stake than a score to settle. And so, I waited. I…befriendedhim.”
There was no scowl to be found on Adan’s face as he stared ahead even as he said the last words with disgust. His gaze distant as she watched him.
“When we went on patrol, I waited until we ventured to the ruins. You see, there had been Vedrans sighted.” Adan glanced down at her with a cruel smile that did not reach his eyes. “We led him to the pit where Idris ran his sword through his stomach. He bled out on the snow, gasping for air, begging for mercy. Then I conjured and made every last breath of his miserable existence be filled with nothing but suffering. Slowly killing him until there was nothing left.”
Anelize swallowed, feeling his grief and rage in the air like smoke.
“Did you feel relief once it was over?”
“At first, yes. Then I realized it solved nothing. In the end, we’d still lost our home. Our family. And our people were still dying. But I had one single thing. That he would never raise his sword against another man, woman, or child again, and for that I have no regrets.”
“You exacted your revenge. But can any other reason be soeasily justified?” She ran her thumb over one of the faint cuts that had remained upon her hand.
Adan turned to face her, giving her a knowing look. “Whose life did you take?”
Her instinct had been to deny it. Panic roared inside her, screaming at her to not let anyone know of her greatest shame. At the same time, she wished to unburden herself, if only for a few moments. She knew now that if anyone would listen to her without trying to soothe the pain of her past with thinly laced words of lament, it would be Adan.
“My father…” Her voice was thick, fighting a knot in her throat. “He’d been caught by the Watchmen. All I remember was running as fast as I could to get to him after Henry had told me the news. I still hear the screams from that day. I always hear them. Though none as much as my father’s. It was in my desperation to not see him suffer—hearhim as the flames consumed him—that I conjured. I stopped his heart before the fire had the chance to kill him.”
It had been both the easiest and most painful thing she had ever done. And that had been why, for so long, she’d wondered if she was indeed a monster. For what sort of kindhearted being could be capable of such a thing?
When she was left with nothing but the ashes and the realization of what she had used her power for. The disgust that flooded her after that made it nearly impossible for her to live with herself. If not for needing to look after Enid, she wasn’t sure if she would have been able to continue with the guilt. It would have been so easy to end it all, surrounded by so many plants and remedies that could have easily been turned to poison.
Killing her father was done in mercy, but had it been? Hadit not simply been because she’d been a child, barely eleven name days, who wanted nothing more than to hide from the nightmares unfolding before her? A selfish need to put an end to it all.
“My father always feared me. He knew what I was capable of, and I sense he wished for nothing more than to change me. Mold me into someone who was more deserving. Kind and gentle, not capable of taking life but preserving it as Zara could. He was afraid I would be the one to bring ruination onto our family, and I fear he was right. I am ruination,” she admitted.
“We are all wicked and deceitful creatures who must be brought to the pyre for the flames to consume our souls,” Adan murmured. “Funny how, even when we know the truth, the king’s laws still manage to make us question our existence. Even the children left behind in the aftermath of his destruction. Forced to make decisions they should never make.” He pushed off the pillar, their short rest finally having come to an end.
As she rose from the stool, she stepped up to him. Finding surprising comfort in knowing that she would, once again, feel the rush of power coursing through her, and in the man before her—though she still found him utterly disagreeable, it was less so now than it had been before.
Her words were spoken softly as she said, “I’m sorry, for all that you and your brother lost.”
Adan watched her for a moment. Those dark eyes holding more than she ever could have realized. “So am I.”
As they started their training once more, Anelize couldn’t help but listen in on a blazing, rapid pulse behind her. Warm and searching, a flame in the dark. When she glanced over hershoulder, she found Aeric heading for the door. His eyes finding hers as if he felt her gaze on him, softened when he sent her a small smile before disappearing.
She followed the sound of his heart for far longer than she should have.
That night, she sat before the fireplace in the common room in one of the chairs. Everyone had long since gone abed, leaving behind only the distant sounds of the whispering winds outside.
Adan’s words remained with her long after they’d parted ways. The pain in her heart for what she’d done all those years ago had remained but confessing them to someone had eased the burden. If only for a fleeting moment.
Enid had known what Anelize had done. It was only after she’d grown old enough to hear the truth that Anelize had told her. The fear that her sister would hate her for it had persisted until she finally confessed the truth, and she’d felt foolish for thinking that someone as forgiving as Enid would hate her. Instead, her sister had pulled her into an embrace and cried for her. For what she’dhadto do.
What she wouldn’t give to hold her now.
Thoughts of her sister followed her as they always did when she was finally alone.
Only now, she was muttering to herself as she struggled to wrap her hand in a cloth to staunch the three cuts she’d made during her conjuring. Perhaps she would ask Zara to heal her tomorrow, if she wasn’t feeling too fatigued.
“May I join you?”
Her heart stumbled over itself at the sound of Aeric’s voice. Glancing up, she spotted him standing beside the other chair next to her. When she nodded, he sank into the chair with a sigh.
They stared into the fire in comfortable silence before she began maneuvering the bandage around her hand.
“Do you think you’re ready?” Aeric finally asked.
