Page 49 of Wicked Thieves
“It is as you’ve said. We’ve all lost something...someone. If anyone can understand loss of this extent, it is us. At the very least, we grant ourselves the illusion of sharing in each other’s pain by bearing our souls to one another.”
Anelize wasn’t sure if she could share in his sentiment. Not after keeping all of her shame and secrets close to her chest for so long. But Aeric was here now, bearing his soul to her in away that she hadn’t anticipated. Who was she to reject him for deeming her worthy of holding it in her palms now?
A cold smile took over his lips as he continued.
“Saints know how I managed to get to my feet. Or how the Watchmen hadn’t noticed me, though given the state I was in I’m sure they would have thought me a lost cause regardless. I reached the edge of the forest, only to find that the field too had been set ablaze. And on the other side of those flames, I saw the king for the very first time. Surrounded by his council, who were making their sanctimonious declarations to justify killing hundreds of people.
“The Watchmen had brought forth the Vedrans they’d managed to capture. Among them...were my mother and sister. They cut them all down the moment the king turned his back on them, as if his dismissal was enough to warrant death. I tried to go to them. But my body had become all but useless and I succumbed. By the time I awoke, the flames had died along with what little life had been left behind.”
He stepped toward her then, his gaze unwavering and full of what she recognized as unmistakable ire toward the man responsible for all of their—his—suffering.
“You wished to know why I became a Watchman. Now you know. You think me indifferent, but that is precisely why I have managed to survive for as long as I have, Anya. Not a day goes by where I do notburn, where I do not rage, all for the sake of being in service to a king and his council that I want nothing more than to kill with my bare hands. I will continue to do so, even at the cost of my life, until it is done.”
Anelize dropped her gaze, feeling the full weight of his words. Feeling the guilt of her own judgment of him slowlycurling into the pit of her stomach, making her feel sick with herself.
“I’m sorry, Aeric.”
Two fingers curled under her chin, making her attention flick up to meet his eyes.
“I do not share my pain with you lightly. I may hide it well, but I have had years of practice. That is why you cannot let your emotions cloud your judgement. It is not easy. But when you’re surrounded by your enemies, it is a necessary sacrifice. If you are to do this with us, I need you to understand that. Do you?”
“I understand being careful and the importance of not allowing myself to be ruled by my emotions. You’ve done this far longer than I have, and try as I do, I can’t focus on what’s in front of me when I know what’swaitingfor me. Depending on me. How can I?”
“Ah, we’re talking about your sister then.”
The mention of Enid made her grit her teeth.
“Yes, my sister.Of coursethis is about my sister. I spent my whole life keeping her safe, only for her to be ripped away from me in all of a blink of an eye. Showing me just how truly powerless I’ve been all along. And I am here, training of all things, while she is out there locked away or starving or being tortured.”
The stables fell silent at her words. The only sounds she could hear were the horses retreating back into their stalls, as if sensing the turmoil emanating from within her.
Anelize ran a hand over her face. “I am trying to do what’s right, and yet the more I do, the more I realize I knownothingof what has truly been happening to my own people. I allowed myself to become weak, as Adan said. And I know it. Myshame, my fears of what I am, have ruled over me for so long, I’m not sure I know how to stop. If I can’t conjure or defend myself, how am I to protectanyone?I’ve already lost one person in my life, and the thought of losing Enid?—”
Her eyes stung, and she turned away from him, not wanting to reveal an ounce of vulnerability when she’d already gone and confessed her most kept secrets. He’d done that, and more, but doing the same proved difficult for her. Painful.
The sound of his footsteps closing the distance between them made her tense until he finally spoke. A rasping understanding in his cadence. “I’m sorry. For all that you’ve suffered. Bymyhand, and for my role in all of this. If I could take any of it onto myself, believe me I would. It is the only thing I can offer you. It is a coward’s apology, if nothing else. Should you accept it, I swear I will do everything within my power to make things right—for you and Enid.” His hand reached out, grazed her arm as his fingers slowly closed around it, gently pulling her back around to face him. That touch alone searching for forgiveness. So gentle, so fleeting, and yet it slowly unravelled something within her.
There was truth in his searching gaze when she finally looked up at him. A vulnerability they both seemed to share now. Where there had once been skepticism, a naturally justified form of reluctance to believe him, now there was also an inkling of muchmore. There was no longer any doubt. Aeric Maren—as aloof as he may have been and all the infuriating ways of distracting her with his words—truly despised what he was. Not a Vedran, but a Watchman serving the man responsible for taking all that he held dear.
Nodding, she stepped up to him, taking his hand. Murmuring so that only he could hear, “You’re forgiven.”
Then she slid her foot between his and tucked it behind his ankle, shoving her whole weight into her shoulder as she pressed it against his chest. He went down with a grunt, but not before taking her with him. They landed on the ground hard enough to startle the horses as their hooves stomped about.
“What did you say about emotions clouding your judgment again?” she asked, their faces so close they shared one breath. His chest rose and fell beneath her palm. His thundering heart stirring her gift in a way she couldn’t recall feeling before. She pushed herself up, getting onto her feet as she grinned at him.
Aeric’s eyes were bright as they took her in from where he laid on the ground, the black flecks in his irises appearing darker. “You’re right, it is hard to shut them off. Perhaps more than I realized.”
Before she could say anything, he twisted and kicked the back of her legs, making them buckle. She was on her back by the time she opened her eyes with a hiss, finding his hand at her throat where he remained kneeling on the ground beside her.
His voice was a rough rasp that sent a shudder through her. “Next time, you better get me on the ground without using cheap tricks. I’m sure you’re capable of it.”
“But I thought you liked them. You seem to have plenty up your sleeve. Why shouldn’tI?”she said breathlessly.
His lips parted into a smile. His next words never being given the opportunity to be voiced when the sound of a commotion in the common room snapped their attention away from each other. Laughter and boisterous voices muffledthrough the door.
Aeric sighed as he glanced down at her. “Shall we go see what sort of trouble is stirring now?”
He rose, offering her one of his hands. When she took it, his touch lingered before he turned toward the door. The heat of his skin remaining with her as she followed him out of the stables. The moment he opened it, lively music made its way toward them. Henry and Idris sat at one of the long tables, tankards in hand and swaying as they sang off-tune, watching two other men playing their instruments. The whistle of the flute and strumming of the lute welcoming them before Luca and the rest of the children ran past them. Laughing as they narrowly avoided crashing into Zara as she held a tray with an assortment of goblets and steaming cups of what smelled like spiced wine.
