Page 71 of Fractured Souls
Walking outside, the fresh air helps calm the sting in my eyes slightly. I breathe deep, walking around to find Bo where I left him. “Hey. Ready to go?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“You alright?” His eyes narrow on my face. “What’s wrong?”
“Fine.” I plaster on a smile and grab Bo’s hand, just ready to put some space between this place and me. Why did she tell him all that? I don’t know why she even came here. I know she’s a member. She joined after we met. Still, why would she show up today? Didn't she realize I might be here. No that's probably why she came.
To hurt me.
Mission accomplished.
“What’s wrong?”
“Huh?”
“What happened when you went to the bathroom?” Everything. Everything and nothing. Nothing important, at least.
“Just not feeling great. Still nauseous, I think.” Bo stares at me, and I know he’s not buying it. He lets it go until we reach his house, but I can’t go in. I can’t move. The fact that I was even entertaining this was stupid. Siena’s words hurt on their own, but they’re backed up by a history of women who’ve done this to me. They can’t all be wrong, and if they’re not, where does that leave me?
With the truth.
I will ruin this, like I’ve ruined everything else. “What is it now, Cam?” he asks as I pull into his parking spot. Anger splashes across his face, and I know it’s not fair but it’s neccessary. “What’s going on? I deserve to know.”
“I don’t know,” I admit.
“I understand if you’re confused about your sexuality. It can be scary, I know, but I thought maybe you—” His fists ball in his lap.
“What?”
“It’s nothing. Nothing. It doesn’t matter. Weekend’s over I guess.”
Siena's words echo. She's right. I would ruin this if we tried. I can't believe I thought it might be possible. “What do all my relationships have in common?” His fingers pause on the door handle.
“Your shitty taste in women?”
“Me. I’m the common detonator.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Denominator—”
“Whatever. It’s me. They’ve all left me. I’m a terrible boyfriend, Bo.”
“Cam, that’s ridiculous. What happened back there? We were fine and then you came back from the bathroom upset. What happened?”
I think about Siena, about the things she said to me. The things she told her new boyfriend. They probably laughed about me while she was cheating on me. How could they not? I’m a joke. I’m stupid, and immature. I am the problem, and Bo is my best friend. Of course he’s going to tell me they’re wrong. He doesn’t get it, though. “I think I’m going to take a walk. I just need to clear my head.”
“Want me to walk with you?”
“No. I, uh . . . I want to be alone.”
“Camden Josephine Almeida, tell me what happened!”
I smile at him a bit. “That’s not my middle name, Bobo.” I lean in, pressing a kiss to his forehead. It feels final. I hate it. “I’ll be home in a bit, I just need some space.”
“Why do you act like I don’t need you? Why do you think you’re so replaceable? I need you too. You are needed. You’re my best friend and I—”
I cup his face in my hands, resisting the urge to kiss his lips. I want to so bad, but I can’t. I can’t keep doing this to him. Instead, I press one to his cheek. “No one needs me, Bo.”
I don’t know how long I’ve been walking. The cool air has cleared my head a bit, and I know that whatever happened this weekend has to stop. I’m going to ruin our relationship if I keep letting these dumbass feelings get in the way.
