Page 105 of Fractured Souls
Jamie looks back at Ian. I watch his friend swallow. “My best friend did that tattoo. Well, most of them, except for the one on my chest,” Jamie says. “This was his shop, with Ian. His boyfriend. He did this a couple of weeks before they were to open. It was the first tattoo he did in this building.” Jamie smiles sadly. “He didn’t have much time, but he did the outline. I was supposed to get it filled in after they opened. He never got a chance to do it.”
Jamie grabs Julian’s stool, sitting across from me. My breathing begins to slow. It’s now I realize my hands are in his as he rubs soothing circles over the tops, and I focus on that whileI try to calm every sharp inhale. His thumbs don’t stop the slow circles on my hands.
A soft ring makes him flinch. “Shit.” He looks down a his phone, answering it. “Hey, baby. No, I’m fine, are you guys okay?” His brows scrunch. “What?” His eyes flick to me. “Hold on.” Jamie puts it on speaker.
“I don’t know what to do!” Noah’s panicked voice comes out. “He doesn’t know where his inhaler is. I don’t know—” Fuck! I pull my hand out of Jamie’s. My pocket.
“I have his inhaler. Fuck! I have it.” I get out of the chair.
“Wait, I have to clean that first,” Julian says. I totally forgot about the tattoo. Julian grabs my arm, cleaning my tattoo while I bounce on my toes just ready to sprint back to the lake house.
I ignore the darkness, the loud bangs outside, and the flashes. I need to get to Bo. “What should I do?!” Noah’s freaking out.
“Stay calm.” I focus on what’s happening and not the pain in my lungs. My chest aches with the aftermath of it.
“He’s not talking!” Noah cries.
“Noah, I need you to calm down.” I grab the phone from Jamie. I hear coughing in the background. I can’t see him, but Bo rarely has attacks anymore, and if he does, they’re small. This doesn’t sound small. “Do you have coffee?”
“I always have iced coffee!”
“Great. You need to get Bo some coffee. Don’t worry about creamer. Just get him some coffee. Do you have a water bottle or something?”
“Uh, probably.”
“I have one.” I hear what sounds like Hunter.
“First, go get him coffee. It doesn’t matter if it’s black, he’ll drink it. He needs to drink it. Someone grab that water bottle and empty it if it’s not. Take scissors and cut the bottom out and dry it. We’ll be right there.” Julian finishes cleaning me up and putting what looks like a clear sticker on my wrist.
I see Jamie take out cash. “My treat for us both.” He hands the cash to Ian who refuses to take it. Jamie rolls his eyes, going behind the desk and grabbing an onyx jar, stuffing it in then giving Ian the finger. “I need you to dry it completely then find some tape. We’re on our way. Noah, give him that coffee and try to massage his back. We’re coming now.”
Jamie and I break through the doors into the falling icy rain. I can’t think about anything. I hang up, handing Jamie his phone back.
“I have his fucking inhaler.” Freshly fallen snow dusts the path we took. “I’m so fucking dumb! I always hold onto it because he loses it and I left him without it. I’m fucking stupid!”
“Hey!” Jamie grabs my arm. “You’re not stupid. That back there was impressive as hell. You were in the middle of a panic attack and all your focus pulled you out of it. I wouldn’t have known any of that shit. That’s impressive, Cam. That’s fucking smart.”
“Come on.”
We break through the woods, half running. Jamie falls behind, jogging a bit then stopping. “You okay?”
“I’m fine. Go.” I’m soaking wet now. I flinch at a crack of thunder, but my focus is on Bo. Normally he doesn’t have bad attacks, but I’d be lying if I thought the last few days had been anything but routine. I know from our past that his attacks happen more frequently if he’s upset.
And yeah . . . last night he was pretty fucking upset.
I see the lake house up ahead and jog faster. I lost Jamie a way back, but sorry, bro, my sight is set on getting to the house. His inhaler burns a hole in my pants. Finally I reach the door and barrel through it. I hear voices up the stairs and take them two at a time. I feel slightly bad that I’m tracking snow all over their floor.
The voices become louder when I reach the far bedroom, down the hall. Walking through the door, I immediately know there are too many people in here. “I need everyone out except Noah. Please.” Bri, Mark, and Hunter listen, giving us space. “Where’s the water bottle?” Noah hands it to me. “I need like scotch tape and scissors. Now.”
Noah doesn’t say a word, turning out of the room. Bo’s eyes are closed as he attempts to breathe. The coffee sits nearly empty on the nightstand. “Bobo?” His eyes pinch closed and he shakes his head. “I know. I’m sorry. Noah’s coming.” Pulling out his inhaler, I rub his back. “I’m so sorry, Bobo.” I feel heat flood my eyes. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to keep pushing him away.
His eyes flutter open then, his chest still heaving. His eyes flick to the tattoo on my wrist. His eyes pinch.
“So sorry. Found them!” Noah rushes in with Jamie trailing behind him, his beanie crusted with wet snow. I don’t tell them to leave.
I take the plastic, cutting a hole in the top for his inhaler to fit, and taping the edges of the bottom so it doesn’t cut him.
“Here, babe.” The name slips from my lips, and his eyes soften on me. I want him so bad. The clarity screams at me. I give him the inhaler. He takes a puff, breathing deeply and holding the spacer to his mouth. Rubbing his back, I wait for him to focus on taking slow, deep breaths. “That’s it.”
