Page 59 of Fractured Souls
“Technically it’s Jamie’s fault. He asked him to move in. Like the second he saw him. No hesitation. He was gone for him.”
Noah slides into Jamie’s lap, circling his arms around his neck. “And don’t you forget it. Boop.” He taps his nose, then lays his head back against his collarbone. Jamie’s eyes roll but he circles his arms around Noah.
I’m wearing a T-shirt and my uh, jock. Real unfortunate timing to remember I’d changed into it. Noah gave me compliments on it, and I have to admit, I feel good wearing it. Mark is surprisingly still completely clothed, except for his shirt. Noah is in his boy shorts, Jamie is in his boxers, and Hunter, well . . . he’s naked and staring longingly at his boxers on the floor. “How are things with Cam going?” Jamie asks.
I look around the room, wondering how much they even know. “Uh, I mean, not much is happening.”
“What’s going on?” Mark asks. “If you want to share.”
“I haven’t told them a thing,” Noah says. “Just what they know from that night at the bar.”
“Oh, uh . . .”
It’s strange, really. I’ve had friends here and there, in the shadow of Cam, but none of those friendships lasted past grade school, high school, or even college. Cam is the only friend besides Noah currently in my life—though I guess there’s Mark and Hunter, even Jamie too. I feel accepted here. I don’t feel embarrassed.
“The night I met Noah, I uh, was looking for a hookup. Something to take my mind off shit.” Nerves rattle my lungs. “I uh . . .” My breathing grows tight, and that spike of anxiety I get creeps up my sternum. “I—” Reaching down to the floor, I grab my inhaler. I take one puff, then two, and wait for my body to settle. “Sorry.”
“Are you okay?” Hunter asks.
Noah gets up, swiping his crop top off the floor and slipping it on. I laugh at the words on it—A gay’s intuition is never wrong. “I’m okay.” Taking a minute, I force a smile. “We hooked up this morning. Well, last night kind of, and then this morning for sure. I don’t know what’s going on.”
“You owe me a blow job,” Mark whispers to Hunter.
“What?” I look at them.
“I told Hunter that Cam has a thing for you.”
“I’m the one in love with him. He just . . . I don’t know. He’s a little lost right now—and horny. He’s usually always in a relationship.” As I say the words it’s like a lightbulb comes on. Cam’s just horny. He’s not used to going this long without hooking up with someone.
“Yeah, well, the way he acted at the bar on my birthday . . . That man is into you. He couldn’t stop staring at you.”
“And that kiss.” Mark shakes his head. “Trust us, that man is into you.”
They don’t know us. Cam is just a mess right now. He’s figuring himself out and I’m just there. There and so,sowilling. Too willing, probably. “What happened yesterday?” Noah asks gently.
“When I got home . . .” My face burns. I don’t know if I can admit to it.
“Do you want me to tell you an embarrassing sex thing first?” Noah smiles.
“No.” Jamie shakes his head.
“You assume you’d be involved in the story.”
Jamie closes his eyes taking a deep breath. “Oh, I can count on it.”
Noah stares at his boyfriend before looking to me. “One time, when I had Jamie tied to our bedpost—”
“No.” Jamie shakes his head. “No. Pick something else. Something with Mark.”
“Uh, that wasn’t embarrassing, just gross.”
“I could make you come hands free.” Mark rolls his eyes.
“I do that all the time, you’re not special!” Jamie bites back.
Ignoring their bickering I blurt out, “Cam cashed in his prize for game night.” Everyone looks at me. “He walked in on me uh . . . using a toy, and uh . . . stayed. He asked to watch for his prize, then he came when I did. It was . . .”Insane. “Then this morning he fingered me on my dresser until I came again.” My face is on fire. I feel tears heating my vision, but I blink them away. “I don’t know what to do. I have to stop it, I know that, but . . . it’s like I’m finally getting what I’ve always wanted. No, actually I’m not, because I don’t even care about all that. I just want him. I want him so bad it’s making me sick.” I know I need to put an end to this, because on the other side of this, Cam will not end up with me.
“I’m really sorry.” I feel an arm around me, and I look up, surprised to see Mark. He got a haircut since I last saw him at the bar. It’s short and spiky and styled. It looks really good. I smile gratefully. He squeezes my arm then lets it go.
