Page 40 of Fractured Souls
Beautiful, really, and talented . . . and so far out of my damn league it’s not even funny. But for the first time in my life I’m not even sure I want to try. Normally I would. I love women and she is stunning. Old me would have asked her out by now. Then I think about Bowen and Noah, and while I know there’s nothing going on there, really, I still feel . . . gross. I don’t know. It’s slimy and heavy and feels a hell of a lot like jealousy.
I felt it after Bowen gave me the details of that night. He and Noah got naked . . .Sonot jealous. They made out . . . Absolutely not jealous at all. Bo went to suck him off and Noah got a flat tire . . . His words, not mine.
Not jealous at all.
He had Bo in a way I’ve never even thought of since that night I felt him press against me and melt into me. That night was . . . it was . . . “Earth to Camden Lorenzo Almeida.”
“Ooh, a boy name this time. Nice. Good way to switch it up.” I grin. “Still not my middle name.” Bowen looks adorable tonight, which is really unfortunate. He has product in his hair, and while I love the silky soft way his hair usually looks, this style is different and a bit edgy and yeah, okay, it’s kind of hot.
He’s wearing a black hoodie that fits his slim frame, and jeans with holes around the knee. I’ve noticed he’s been dressing a bitdifferently since he and Noah became friends, and I don’t know if it’s Noah’s suggestion or something he’s wanted to do. There’s this confident air about him now, and it’s doing things to my insides.
Bowen gets out of my car, and I follow behind him, shoving my hands in my pockets. It’s freezing right now, the chilly air hugging my lungs. “If you want to go home with anyone, let me know. I can always go home or go back to Noah and Jamie’s for a bit.”
“What?”
Bowen stops to look at me. White puffs of air leave his lips. I have his inhaler in my pocket just in case. I know I take his asthma way more seriously than he does; he probably forgot his other one. Or maybe he’s just so used to me always having it he doesn’t even think about it. He rarely even has any attacks, but still, I’m ready anytime he needs it.
It freaks me out, actually. I know I treat him like he could have an attack at any moment, but when your best friend goes blue in the third grade it’s not something you forget. “I just meant if you find a pretty girl, don’t worry about me, okay? It’s been a bit, yeah?”
I mean, it has. Siena was the last person I really had sex with. I know Max technically counts, but I haven’t slept with anyone since her. I try not to think too hard about what happened with Bo, because thinking about it just brings more questions, and those questions make my brain hurt. “I don’t have to have sex, Bo. I’m not a machine. I’m not due for an oil change.”
“Well, if you need someone to check your dipstick, let me know.” He turns toward the bar.
“You’re acting like I'll waste away if I don't get laid.”
He stops on the sidewalk and blinks up at me. I almost laugh. The magnified way his eyes look behind those glasses always does shit to my chest. “I know for a fact you don’t go more than acouple of months without being with someone. And that’s fine. I just don’t want you to think you can’t because of me. I’m okay.” Why do his words sound very not okay, then? “Don’t worry about me.”
“Mission impossible. I always worry about you.”
Bowen stops short, startling me. We’re never getting into this bar at this rate. “I think we’ve moved past the weirdness, right? It’s time to move on, and I don’t want you to stop on my account. I’m okay. Great even. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get blow-jobbed tonight.” He winks, and while I know he’s teasing, those words send me into a spiral of thoughts I don’t want to think about.
“What if I don’t want to get B-jobbed tonight?”
“How does that sound even worse?” he says.
I laugh, and loop my arm around his shoulders, pulling him into me. His hand slides up my stomach as we walk, while he hugs me against his body.
“I’m just saying you can.”
“And I’m just saying I’m not even thinking about that.” I’m not, which is rare, because Bo is right. I usually have found someone new by now. “My penis thanks you for the permission, though.”
“I don’t like that you talk about it like he’s his own person.”
“With thoughts, dreams, and hobbies.” I smile, kissing the top of his head. “What’s in your hair?” It smells good, not strong thankfully, or my best friend would be wheezing by now. It’s why I choose the body wash I do. It’s a soft scent that isn’t harsh at all, like my unscented deodorant.
“Noah gave me this hair gel. It didn’t work in his curls. I like it. It doesn’t smell strong or anything.” He looks up at me. “Do I look weird?”
He looks beautiful.
“It looks great. Smells really good. Subtle.” Beautiful.
Shit.
This is going to be a long night.
Walking into the bar, Bo looks around the room. I see Noah standing on a seat waving his hand at us from a booth in the corner. The man next to him tugs his pants, making him sit down. I’ve never met his friends or boyfriend, and I have to admit I’m a little nervous. Bowen walks quickly toward the table with the biggest grin on his face, and Noah pulls out of the arms of the man he’s sitting against to come out of the booth and hug Bo. “So happy you’re here.” Noah looks at me. “Hey, Gym Daddy.”
Oh, the nickname. “Hey.”
