Page 36 of Fractured Souls
“You can meet Puck Daddy and Mark too.” He looks at me. “Mark is my bestie.”
“Do you two have plans today or—”
“I’m taking Noah home after we eat.”
“Bo was too much man for me,” Noah says with a loud sip. “Fuck yes. Ice coffee fixes everything.”
I look at Cam, and I can see the same question in his eyes as the one in my head. Are we okay? The answer is no, we need to talk when I get back. Wait. “What’s Jamie’sDaddynickname?”
Noah snorts. “I’m his daddy.” I laugh, taking a bite of my muffin. Ugh, he’s so good at baking, it’s unfair. One time in middle school, I accidentally ate something of Cam’s that I thought was safe. It wasn’t, and I spent the next couple of days paying the price for it. Ever since then, Cam’s been super careful of what he has around me. It was totally my fault, I shouldn’t have taken his food, but since then he’s slowly changed his diet.
“Take some for the road,” Cam says. “There’s plenty.” He bags up a couple for Noah then notices the sweatshirt he’s wearing. “Is that your hoodie?” he asks me.
“This has been really fun but I have a fight to get into. I just know he didn’t sleep for shit last night. He’s going to be extra bitchy.” Noah sighs. “Thank you for the road muffins. Much appreciated. Bowen, my darling, please take me home.” He finishes the last few sips of his coffee.
“I’ll be back in a bit, Cam,” I say to him. “We can talk when I get back.”
He nods, squeezing my arm like he needs to touch me. “Okay.” He looks at Noah. “It was nice to meet you, Noah.”
“You too, Gym Daddy.”
I’m just happy to have today off. I will have to play at the restaurant downstairs this weekend, but depending how this goes with Cam, leaving my house may be a good thing. It’s fine. We just need to talk. Everything will go back to normal.
Only this time I know what he tastes like.
When I get back, Cam is sitting on the couch in a tank top with ungodly wide arm holes that go down to his ribs, and black gym shorts that show off his muscular calves. My friend is hot—very, very hot—with insides more beautiful than the exterior.
I drink him in, savor him, and wish for the millionth time that things could be different. They’re not. And I have to be okay with it. I have to be okay with what I do have.
With Cam in my life, that’s a lot.
I have a lot.
“So uh, looks like you had a night.” He smiles tightly, those golden eyes a bit duller than I’m used to. What happened to him last night? I want details and also to never speak of it again. Dumbass Max and his dumbass chiseled body and gorgeous dumbass face. “Noah seems . . . yeah.”
“Nothing happened with Noah and me. If you couldn't tell he's kind of in love with someone else.” I’ll just get that out of the way. There’s no point in even joking about it. I am not in a joking mood.
“The condom? Making animal balloons or . . . ?”
“A failed attempt at a hookup. Shit went awry.” I hate the curiosity. Part of me wants to know what he did last night,almost more than the part of me that never wants to think about it.
“What about you? Max was hot.”
Cam’s eyes drop to his lap. “A failed attempt at a hookup,” he echoes. “Look, Bo, I—”
“Just wait.” I drop down beside him, my fingers playing in my lap. I can’t look at him. I need to rip the bandage off. “I need you in my life, and things have been kind of weird since we kissed. I hate that, and I don’t want to lose you.” I swallow hard. “We’re enough of a mess without blurring the lines, and if you want to talk about what happened last night with Max, I’m here. You can talk to me about anything, especially if you’re confused.” My vision blurs as heat hugs my eyes. Still looking at my lap, I breathe deep. “I want to go back to how it was before we kissed.”
I’m afraid to look up and meet his eyes. His warm fingers slide into mine on my lap. Blinking, I look up at him, and the sheen in his amber eyes matches my own. The warm touch eases some of my pain. “I’m always going to be your friend, Bo. Always.”
He doesn’t say it, but it’s loud and clear.
That’s all we’ll ever be.
And that’s okay. Right? “I’m sorry things have been weird, and I’m sorry about the attitude last night. You were confused and I didn’t help any. I can imagine that was scary. You’re going through something and I didn’t help much.”
Cam’s smile warms me, and his fingers squeeze mine. “I love you. You know that?” He loops his arm around me, pulling me into his side, and I lean into him, my hand smoothing across his stomach to hug him to me. We sit like that for a minute, and I try so hard to be okay with this. This is all I need.
He plants a kiss on top of my head, his lips lingering for a second before he pulls away. I feel like I’m drowning, but he doesn’t see it. I won’t ever let him see it. Even after that kiss, he never asked if I have feelings for him, and maybe that’s for thebest. I don’t think I could lie to him. I’m a mess, and he is too. Our messes combined would be a disaster.
