Page 34 of Fractured Souls
Is he mad at me? “You hungry? I can make you guys breakfast.” I need some space. I can feel my throat tightening, but I have no right to this feeling. I wanted this. I was hooking up first last night. I’m the reason Bo even went out.
“Cam.” My hand tightens on his doorknob. “You okay?”
How many times has Bo had to deal with my relationship bullshit? How many girlfriends have I brought here to meet him? This isn’t fair. I need to get my shit together. For him. “I’m great. Just tired.” I smile easily. “Slept on the couch. You were right. Not comfortable.”
“You can sleep in here if you want.”
“I’ll make you two breakfast first, okay.” Then shower. Then try to get my shit together. “I’m really happy for you. I am. He’s cute.” I try to smile, and then shut the door before I can get even more irritated for no reason.
Chapter 10
Bo
“Okay,whenyousaidhe was hot, I was unaware of the level of hot we were dealing with, Bowen. My gawd!” Noah grabs his bag, looking through it and grabbing out a worn paperback then flipping through the pages. “He looks just like one of the MCs in this book.”
“What? MC?”
“Oh, main character. The love interest. Alexio Perez. Football captain for the Onadoga Tigers and panty-melting wet dream.” He sighs. “He’s hot, surly, and straight.” He winks twice. "Or so he says."
“Why . . . Why did you bring a book to the bar?”
“I don’t understand your question.” He blinks. “Why wouldn’t I bring a book?” Noah hops up onto my bed, sitting back on his thighs to look at me, and I grab the book to read the back of it. “You know, in my mind I was thinking he’d be like, a respectable cutie next door—calls your fathersir, and later you’ll call himDaddy.” He fans himself. “I was not expecting muscle daddy, throw me around the room and not break a sweat type of fine. That man looks dangerous.”
“Yeah, well, that man is afraid of crickets, so . . .” Noah’s lip quirks. I want to stop talking about Cam. “What type of hot is Jamie?”
“Hmm.” Noah thinks, tapping his finger on his chin. “Jamie gives vampire brooding in the corner of a room vibes. Focused only on you, even among a sea of gorgeous people kind of hot.” I can’t help but laugh. “He’s the loner in the back of art class hot.” My new friend is crazy. “He looks scary. No one sits near him, because they don’t dare, but one day . . .” Noah swoons against me. “You dare.” He bounces, bringing his legs in front of himself and sitting on my bed normally. “Today’s going to suck.”
“Do you think you guys will get together?”
“I don’t know. I really hurt him. My brain is such a drama queen sometimes. I just need to talk to him, apologize . . . stop running from the hard shit just because it makes me squirmy.”
“Well, let’s get you home so you can go get yourself a boyfriend.”
Noah gets up, grabbing his clothes and swiping my hoodie from last night with a questioning look.
“Go ahead,” I say, and he takes it happily, going into the bathroom.
I’m so happy for him. I am. But part of me hates the slick feeling in my gut. I am happy, but yeah, kind of jealous. Guys like Noah will always get their guy in the end. But here I am, stuck, and I don’t know how to get out of this. I said last night I was going to hook up with someone new, and I’m really happy how it turned out.
Now, though, with a new day pouring in through my windows, I don’t know. A romantic relationship with anyone who isn’tCam just doesn’t appeal to me. Sex is whatever, but if I really think about my life, it’s hard to do so without him in it.
I can’t picture anyone else beside me but Cam. He’s my soulmate. Simple as that.
Wiping my eyes on the back of my hand, I can’t stop the tears as they fall. I don’t know why I’m choosing right now to have a mental breakdown, but thanks brain for letting me do it while my possible new friend is in the bathroom.
Sucking in a breath, I can feel my lungs tighten a bit. Okay breathe, just calm down. I don’t know why crying always stirs my asthma, I hate it. Reaching for my nightstand, I grab out my inhaler, taking a puff and sitting for a moment with my eyes shut before giving myself another round. Just calm down.
I hear the bathroom door click and open, one eye seeing Noah round the bed, concern in his green eyes. “What’s wrong?” He rushes to grab me in his hands. “Are you okay?”
I take a minute to get myself together. “Sorry.” Calm, just calm down. “I just sometimes, when I’m upset, it triggers—”
“Hey, shh, don’t speak. Just focus on you.” He grabs me to him in a big hug, patting my hair. “Want me to punch him? I will probably break my hands on his biceps, but I’ll try my best.” I laugh wetly against him, sinking into his soothing touch. “Do you want to talk about it? I don’t have to be back right away.” This right here is what I need in my life. A great friend. Now I have two.
It just sucks that my first friend is the reason for all this emotion choking my lungs. “I’m okay . . . I just kind of came to a . . . realization. I didn’t like it.”
“What?”
“That last night, I was never really going to hook up with you.” I take a minute to steady myself. “I told myself I could do it. But I wouldn’t have.” It’s Cam or nothing, and strangely enough I feel at peace with that. “I don’t want it if it’s not with him.” I shrug.“Maybe I’ll change my mind.” I don’t think I will. I’ve been painfully in love with him for most my life and those feelings haven’t changed. Cam is my soulmate, even if I have to be okay with not being his. “I’m okay with it.”
