Page 58 of Tempting Harriet
“You are incurably honest,” he said. “But it was not just that Harriet. I have come to beg your pardon for six yearsago.” She turned her head to look at him. “I knew that inaddition to being a virgin you were a total innocent. I knewthat as a parson’s daughter your moral values were dear toyou. But I wanted you and I thought I could have you and Iconvinced myself that what I had to offer you by way ofmoney and jewels and security for your future justified theoffers I made you. They did not. I would have your forgiveness if you feel you can give it.”
He had taken her completely by surprise. She swallowed. “Thank you,” she said. “Oh, thank you. Yes.”
“One burden gone,” he said. “It has been a burden, Harriet. I thank you, my dear. And this year.”
“This year I was no longer the things you said,” she replied quickly. “And this year I consented. You need nothave this year on your conscience.”
“This year you seduced me,” he said. “I ask your pardon for giving in to seduction, Harriet.”
She stared at, him, stupefied.
“You did,” he said. “At Kew you offered mecarte blanche.”
“I did not,” She was not sure whether the words had forced themselves past her lips or not
“If you think back very carefully to the conversation wehad there,” he said, “I think you will be forced to admit,Harriet, that you offered to be my mistress when I hadasked no such thing of you.”
Could it be true? She could not sort her thoughts into order to remember that afternoon clearly, but she could remember thinking that she should have waited for him tospeak first, to make his intentions clear. But she could alsoremember his beginning that part of their conversation bytelling her that he wanted her.
“You were not going to ask me to be your mistress?” she said.
“No.”
She leapt to her feet, horrified. She spread her hands over her face. If only a great hole would open at her feet, shethought, she would gladly jump into it.
“Are you feeling mortified?” he asked. “You behold before you a seduced man, Harriet. Or you would behold him if you would turn around and uncover your eyes.”
“Go away,” she said. “Please go away.”
“I must beg your pardon,” he said. She did not realize he had stood up until she felt his hands on her shoulders, turning her. She buried her face against him, her hands stillover it. One of his hands stroked over the back of her head.“I accepted your offer because it seemed easier, Harriet. Icould have what I wanted—or what I thought I wanted—with no sacrifices, no commitment. But you were right a few moments ago. The whole thing was wrong because itwas devoid of everything but physical pleasure. Well, notexactly, perhaps, but neither of us could admit to more thanthat. But there was no future, only a series of beddings withthe hope that eventually we would both have had enoughand would be content to part. That is all I have ever knownwith a woman before, you see.”
“Please go away,” she said.
“Forgive me,” he said, “for cowardice, Harriet? And for degrading and hurting you.”
“You did not degrade me,” she said. “I did that all by myself. And you did not hurt me. I—I have not been hurt.”
“I hope you are lying,” he said quietly.
She lifted her head at last setting her hands just below his shoulders. “You told me you wanted me,” she said. “Ifyou were not going to offer mecarte blanche, what then?”
“I was going to ask you to marry me.”
Her stomach lurched. “I don’t believe you,” she said.
“You see what happens when you start lying yourself?”he said. “Pretty soon you believe everyone else is lyingtoo.”
“I still don’t believe you,” she said.
He tutted. “I was going to ask you six years ago too,” he said. “I was going to seek you out a third time, Harriet. Butmy grandfather fell ill and died and suddenly I was Tenbyand had all the responsibilities that went along with the titleand became several notches higher in the instep. So I didnot go. And I never asked Freddie about you. I did notknow you had married. Or that you had become a mother.”
“You would not have been allowed to marry me,” shesaid, fixing her eyes on the single diamond that was pinnedto his neckcloth.
“There would have been all hell to pay,” he said.
“Well, then.” She felt inexplicably hurt. “You had a lucky escape. And this year too if you speak the truth aboutKew. I gave you what you wanted free of charge.”
“Except that it was not what I wanted,” he said.
