Page 34 of A Rogue's Downfall
“No,” she said, looking at her hands again. “You arebeing gentlemanly. You still think you are obliged tomarry me, and you think to persuade me this way.Don’t be cruel.”
Cruel? He felt a stabbing of hope.Cruel?“But there is no question of marriage,” he said. “You do not loveme, Caroline. And there has to be love on both sidesbefore you will marry, does there not?”
She looked up at him, her eyes luminous with misery and something else. “No one can change in a singleday,” she said. “I would be a fool.”
Hope grew. If so much had not hung on the words they would exchange over the next few minutes, hewould have grinned at her and teased her and forcedher to tell him that she had lied. But he was too afraidfor the fragility of his own heart to believe what hismind told him was the truth.
“No,” he said. “It would take us both longer than a day, Caroline. It would take me many days, I daresay,to realize the wonder of the exchange I had made—numberless women in exchange for you. And it wouldtake you many days, perhaps even a lifetime, to cometo trust me and believe that it could happen. But wewill never know, will we, if those changes would havebeen possible. Perhaps it is just as well. The familiaris safer and perhaps cozier than the unknown.”
He watched her lower her arms to her sides and rub her palms against her dress, as if they were damp. Hereyes were on the ground at her feet. And then shestooped down suddenly, picked up his bank draft, andheld it out to him, her eyes on the paper.
“It is yours,” he said.
She shook her head and bit her upper lip. “No,” she said. “I did not bring fifty pounds to give to you. Ifwe both won or if we both lost, you said, we wouldbe even. We are even.”
“Caroline?” he said, taking the paper from her hand, folding it, and putting it away in his pocket. He foundhimself holding his breath.
“I lied,” she said. “I am no gentleman, am I?”
He ran the knuckles of one hand lightly down her cheek and then set the hand beneath her chin to raiseher face.
“I lied,” she said again more firmly, a note of defiance in her voice, though her eyes were suspiciously bright.“Now tell me that you did too. Alistair.” Her eyes grewanxious. “Don’t tell me that you lied too. Please?”
“Why did you say my name?” He was looking at her mouth.
“Because I conceived a deep infatuation for you the first time I saw you,” she said. “Because I thought Iwas dreaming. And I dreamed that it was you.”
“Infatuation?” he said.
“I called it love,” she said, “until yesterday. Now I know that it was not. Only infatuation. I did not loveyou until yesterday.”
He set his hands on her shoulders. “What are we going to do?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” She patted her hands against his chest.
“I want to build sand castles with you again,” he said, “and swim with you and talk and laugh with you.I want to love you. And make love to you. I want tohave children with you.”
She raised her eyes to his. “Oh,” she said.
“I’m glad you agree.” He smiled down at her and touched his forehead briefly to hers. “Will you take achance on marrying a rake, Caroline?”
“Yes,” she said. “Alistair, I am dreadfully inexperienced. I will not know how to—”
He kissed her firmly on the mouth. “We will teach each other,” he said. “We will go back to school, bothof us, for the rest of our lives.”
“Teach each other?” she said.
“I will teach you how to make love,” he said, “and you will teach me to love. Agreed?”
She laughed shakily and relaxed her weight forward against him. “Agreed,” she said. “But I think yourclasses are going to prove to be more exciting thanmine.”
He chuckled. “If you are that eager to start,” he said, “we had better open this school of ours as soon as possible. I will talk with your brother. How does a speciallicense and your brother’s home next week sound?”
“For a wedding day?” she said, her eyes widening.
“And a wedding night,” he said.
“Oh,” she said.
