Page 17 of Holiday Friend Zones
He winced before reaching for his jeans.
“I can’t have this conversation when we’re both naked.”
“Oh, thank God.Because I’m one panicked movement away from losing this quilt, and then it’s one of my worst nightmares.Having an awkward conversation with someone you care about and then you’re both naked.”
He winced when I said the word care, and I knew I needed to fix it.I just didn’t know how.I really wasn’t good at this.
“Here, we sort of piled your clothes last night.And well, we do have our suitcases for clean ones.”
I nodded, then pulled on my jeans and a sweater.I’d shower and change for real later, but I didn’t have time to make an outfit when my life seemed to be changing with each passing gasp.
“You said love.”
“I did.And I’ve been freaking out about it for a while now.”
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Probably because I was afraid I was going to fuck it up.Much like I’m doing right now.Yes, Posy.I’m falling in love with you.”
“But you never said anything.”
“Yes.I realize that.”That’s when I realized we were just repeating the same circular argument, and I let out a breath.
“I didn’t know.I just thought we were friends.”
“We are friends, Posy.You are one of my favorite people in the world and I wasn’t going to ruin our friendship, ruin what we already have together for what could have just been our glands, as you put it.”
“We must never use that word again.”
“I agree,” he said, his lips twitching.“But in all seriousness, I didn’t know what you felt.I still don’t know what you feel.So I wasn’t about to ruin a great thing in my life.I’m almost forty, Posy.I’m not a fucking kid.I’ve had serious relationships.Fuck, I’ve been married.Just like you.”
I nodded, trying not to think about my ex-husband in that moment.
“We’ve been through this before with other people.And we both know what happens when it doesn’t work out.It’s shitty, and then you lose that person in your life.But I wasn’t friends with my ex-wife before we got married.And things didn’t work out for either one of us.But I don’t know what I’m going to do if I lose you now.My family is huge.There’s so many of us, and they’re all starting families now.I’m one of the only ones left unmarried, and I was the first one to even cross that bridge.And here I am, standing in front of you, feeling like a goddamn teenager because I don’t know how to tell you that I want to be in your life.I don’t want this to be a one-night mistake.”
“Cullen,” I interjected.
“It’s okay, I’ll get you to your parents’ house, and we can forget this ever happened.”
“Cullen.Please listen to me.Because now you’re the one freaking out.”
“I guess I am, aren’t I?”he asked, that grin on his face again.
“I’m thirty-five.I’ve been married before, and I know that according to society I’m too late or nearly too late to begin a family, but I want one.It wasn’t in the cards the first time, and frankly, I’m not sure if it’ll ever happen, but you as my friend?I want that to always be.”
“Damn straight.”
“And I want a chance to fall in love with you, Cullen,” I said, eyes widened.“I want a chance to figure out something that could be amazing.And take a leap that I was so afraid to do.I’ve lost too many years, and I don’t want to lose anymore.”
And then Cullen was in front of me, hands on my cheeks again.“Thirties aren’t the end you know, at least that’s what my friends tell me.”
“That is true, but maybe they can be a new beginning?”
“Look at you, sounding like one of those books you narrate.”
“I want a chance to fall in love with you Cullen,” I repeated.
“Good.Then you can catch up.”
