Page 138 of Holiday Friend Zones
I turn to face him.Maybe we need to get this all out in the open.Me avoiding him has only made things more awkward.Perhaps we need to say precisely what we’re thinking.
“I just want to know where your head is at.”He levels me with an intense stare.
“You don’t have to be my protector anymore, Luke.I know he’s your friend and all.”
“He’s not my fucking friend, Saylor.”There’s a bite to his words.
“God, I don’t know why you’re so angry.You guys were best friends.”
“Were.Past tense, Saylor.I don’t want anything to do with him anymore.I haven’t wanted anything to do with him in a long fucking time.”
Jeez, Luke is always so even keeled about everything.I’ve rarely seen this side of him.I knew he and Tyler didn’t talk all that often, but I didn’t think they’d had a falling out or anything.
“I don’t understand why…”
He grabs a wooden spoon and starts stirring the soup, and we work side by side, shoulder to shoulder, at the stove, tension filling every crack and crevice and I have no idea how to disperse it.“Let’s just make the food,” he mumbles to himself.
“I don’t want to just ignore it.”
“Why?You’ve been ignoring it for six months.”He drops the spoon on the spoon rest and turns to me.
“I told you already—I was embarrassed, okay?I should never have kissed you.God, that was such a… mistake.”Mistake doesn’t seem like the right word, but I don’t know what other word to use.
The fact is, that kiss has made things awkward between us and changed the dynamic of our friendship.If it weren’t for that kiss, I might not be thinking of Luke the way I am.Might not be replaying that kiss over and over in my head.
He grunts under his breath.“Yeah, I knew it was a mistake the second you walked out.”
There’s something in his tone…
I tip my head.“What am I missing, Luke?”
“What are you missing?You’re missing the fact that I fucking—God, just nothing.”He picks up the spoon, returning to stirring the soup.“I’m not gonna… I’m just worried about you.I mean, you were my best friend, Saylor.Mybestfriend.”
“And you were mine.But then Tyler came into the picture?—”
“Yeah, I know.And you were off with him all the time.”
“So were you,” I snap back.
And it’s the first time I realize that my starting to date Tyler changed our friendship.I think back to all the times that, yeah, we didn’t do nearly as much as we used to do together.I always thought it was just because we hit that age where you want to be with your friends all the time, and the whole opposite sex friendship thing just doesn’t seem to work as well anymore.
“I don’t want you to not be friends with him because of some obligation to me.”I turn off the burner I’m using.
“That has nothing to do with why I’m no longer friends with Tyler.”
“I don’t understand.”I plate the two grilled cheese sandwiches onto a single plate.
He reaches past me to get the bowls, his arm brushing against mine as he reaches into the upper cabinet.I move away and go back to the breakfast stool, unsure of what I’m even trying to achieve with this conversation, other than the fact that there are still all these feelings inside me, and I don’t know where we stand.
“He cast me aside first, but the worst part is that he took you with him.”
My heart drops into my stomach.Of course, he’s sour with Tyler.Tyler, however unintentional, took me away from Luke, and I allowed him to do it.I’d always tell him to invite Luke up to school and later New York, but Tyler always made some excuse.When Tyler asked me out freshman year and we started dating, Tyler replaced Luke as my go to person, and that’s on me.
He sets the soup in front of me.“Do you want water or beer?I don’t have much else to offer you besides that.”
“Water’s fine,” I say, still processing our conversation.“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
He sits next to me at the breakfast bar.“You have nothing to be sorry for.”He dips his spoon into the tomato soup.
