Page 30 of My First Mistake
“A girl?”
I could lie and spare her feelings, but it’s better she knows there’s no hope for us, and I tell her yes.
She shivers in the cold. “Can we go inside and talk?”
Talking to her is the least I can do, so I nod my agreement and we both head into my house. I leave her at the foot of the stairs, telling her I’m just going to go up to my room and change, and then I’ll be right back.
The floorboards creak as I’m pulling off my T-shirt and when I spin around, Hayley is in my room. “I thought you were—” I stop mid-sentence when she peels off her sweaterdress and drops it onto the floor, revealing she’s not wearing a bra. “Hayley, what the hell are you doing?”
“I’m just asking for one more time, Chase. Let me remind you how good we were together and then if you still don’t want me, we can go our separate ways.”
What? No! This feels like a trick. Or a test. “I just told you I spent the night with someone else.”
“I don’t care, Chase. I need this from you, please? Just let me remind you how good it can be.” She peels off her panties and I take a few steps back until I bump up against the bed.
I sit down and she stalks toward me and all I can think about is Addie. How much I’ve become infatuated with her. Our incredible night together. What the hell that means not just for me and her, but for me and Brax too.
“Please, Chase.” Hayley’s voice reminds me she’s in the room. “It’s the least you can do seeing as how I gave up Christmas with my family for you.”
I didn’t ask her to do that; in fact, I specifically asked her and Freddie not to follow me to Juniper Ridge. Her guilt trip won’t work with me, but I can’t deny that being with her would be easier. No feelings involved. No commitment. More importantly, there’s no chance of her ever breaking my heart the way that Addie could. It’s taken me a year to start to feel anywhere close to normal again after losing my mom, if feeling numb could be described as normal anyway. But Addison Kinsella makes mefeel so much, and that means she could tear me to shreds. I’m not sure I’m ready for that kind of love…or that kind of pain.
“Hayley. We can’t do this,” I say, but it’s a feeble protest.
She straddles me and rubs her bare pussy over my jeans. “Yes, we can.”
No, we can’t. I love Addie. Addie with her musical laugh and her beautiful smile and her luscious curves. The woman who might not even want anything more from me and the same woman who could obliterate my heart. I’m not sure I’m strong enough to put it back together for a second time.
“Just fuck me, Chase,” Hayley says, reminding me there’s an easier, far less painful option right in front of me.
I do the unthinkable; I flip her onto her back and unzip my jeans. Then I don’t stop her when she slides her hand into my boxers, or when she wraps her slender fingers around the base of my dick. If I close my eyes I can pretend she’s Addie. And I’m thinking of my girl even as I grind into my ex’s hand. Addie’s tight heat. Addie’s soft skin. Addie’s needy moans. “So good,” I moan, recalling how incredible she felt last night.
“See, I told you how good we are together,” Hayley says, running her free hand through my hair.
“Chase!” Now I even hear Addie’s voice.
Fucking fuck! I turn my head and see my girl standing there, tears rolling down her face. My heart splinters into a thousand shards.
I jump off Hayley like she’s on fire, but it’s too late and Addie is already running down my stairs. “Addie, please! I can explain,” I plead.
She spins on her heels, her eyes filled with fury like I’ve never seen. She tosses my wallet at me and I remember I left it at her place last night.
“I know you keep your mom’s picture in there, and how much that means to you, so I brought it straight to you.” She scrubs at the tears on her face. “Not that you deserve it.”
“Addie I was…” I stop speaking. There isnoexcuse. No reasonable explanation for what I just did. Bile surges up from my stomach, burning the back of my throat.
“You were what? Screwing some other girl while your dick was still wet!” she snarls, pure venom in her tone. “You’re disgusting. How could you?”
I step closer, wanting to wrap her in my arms and tell her how much I wish I could undo what I just did, but she backs away from me, edging toward the door. “Don’t you dare come near me.”
My heart feels like it’s disintegrating in my chest. A deep physical ache that I already know can never be fixed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” I stop speaking because there’s nothing at all I can say. No absolution for breaking the heart of the only girl I’ve ever loved.
“What happened to you, Chase? You used to be so smart and kind and fun, and now…now you don’t seem to care about anyone but yourself. Your mom would be ashamed of you.”
She turns around and yanks open the front door. As much as what she just said hurt, she’s also fucking right. “Addie, please!” I try one more plea, running outside after her. The rain is coming down hard and has turned the snow on the ground into an icy mush. I slip in my bare feet, my knee almost buckling before I quickly right myself.
She gives me one last glare over her shoulder, and this one is all ice. Colder than the snow biting into my toes. “Go back to LA, Chase. It’s where you belong. And if you ever come back to Juniper Ridge, I’ll drive a fucking stiletto right through your heart.”
She runs away from me and I take a few steps after her, my feet struggling to find purchase in the slush on the ground, which means she’s currently way faster than I am. So, I stand in the street and can do nothing but watch her walk away from me. At least the freezing rain running down my face disguises my tears, but it’s no consolation when I know in my heart that I just made the biggest mistake of my entire life.
