Page 46 of When Love Becomes A Need
My mom was devastated, but that wasn’t what turned me off to relationships. When my dad left my mom, he left me. It was months before I saw my dad again, and even then, it wasn’t the same. Finally, he stopped coming around. I learned he married the new woman and they were expecting another little boy. My mom went through a lotafter that. She was depressed for a while. She had to put in more hours at work to keep us living comfortably until her alimony and child support from my dad kicked in. I was young and couldn’t understand why my dad would do her like that. My mom loved my dad with everything in her. She was a great mom, they didn’t argue, not that I remember anyway, and if they did, it wasn’t anything serious.”
She stopped talking for a minute. I assume trying to get her thoughts together. I was ready to tell her she didn’t have to continue because I could see she was upset. I didn’t want to kill the mood, but I just wanted to learn more about her. Learn why she was hurt, figure out why someone as great as her hadn’t been snatched up yet.
“When I finally asked him why he did what he did, he didn’t even have a real answer. Claimed he fell out of love with my mom because she didn’t show him enough attention. Mind you, my mom was a nurse. When she wasn’t at work, she was home taking care of home. His new wife is a stay-at-home mom, so I guess that’s what he wanted.” She shrugged then looked at me.
“So, now do you get it? I don’t want that for myself. Being in love with a man only for him to leave me because he loses interest or feels like I should be up his ass all the time. My dad abandoned us, hung us out to dry while he took care of a new family. Didn’t give a fuck about breaking my heart at a young age. The one manthat wassupposedto protect me and show me love dropped the ball when I needed him to show me it the most. How can I expect some random guy to do it for me when my own dad couldn’t? How can I trust someone to love me and not throw me to the side when my own dad did?”
I sat there not speaking, digesting everything Fatima had just told me. I didn’t expect her to open up like she did, but I was glad she did. It gave me a better understanding of her. She was holding onto the hurt she felt from her father at a young age when she was very impressionable.
“So, you never been in love before?” Fatima quickly wiped her eye and shook her head.
“There was no point. Just for it to blow up in my face and he leave me when I finally let my guard down? Guys wantso much from us girls but don’t return it. I’m not trying to get caught up like that.” She shook her head.
It was obvious the situation with her dad caused trust, commitment, and abandonment issues within her. It made sense though. Girls clung to their dads at a young age. Most women went after men that mirrored their dads. If she didn’t have a great representation of that love, why would she trust anyone else to give it to her?
Sitting here watching how broken Fatima was over this made my chest hurt. I didn’t like seeing her hurt or hearing it drip off her voice as she spoke. Now that I knew the reason behind the way she was, it made me want to show her how wrong she was. I wanted to show her that not every nigga is built like her sorry ass daddy. I wanted to show her there were men out there that knew how to properly love a woman like she needed to be loved.
At the same time, how the hell could I show her that when I still was dealing with the shit from my past? Could I help her heal her wounds when I couldn’t even heal my own? Did I even want to take that challenge on? It was one thing to deal with a broken-hearted woman, but it was a different thing to deal with a woman broken with daddy issues.
Many women with daddy issues didn’t know how to handle relationships or know what they wanted. Most of them wanted to fill the void their dads left, but Fatima wasn’t like that. She was running from the void instead of facing it. She shut herself off from it all.
“I know, too many issues to deal with, huh?” She let off a nervous laugh but wouldn’t meet my eyes.
She was embarrassed but she had no reason to be. What Fatima was dealing with was a lot for one person. The hurt she was holding onto had to be draining for her.
“Yeah, it’s a lot, but not in a bad way,” I started. Moving closer to her, I grabbed her hands out of her lap and held them in mine.
“Your dad messed you up in the head and left you out here having these ill feelings toward relationships. It makes sense why you felt you had to distance yourself from love. Sadly, a lot of dads drop the ball with their daughters and leave them lost and broken when they get older. It’s nothing for you to be embarrassed or ashamed of.”
“I’m about to be twenty-five with daddy issues. I’ve nevereven told a guy I loved them or allowed myself to get that close to one. Growing up, I always felt like I wasn’t good enough for a guy’s love. I don’t even know what it feels like to be truly loved by someone,” she spoke quietly.
I pulled on her hand slightly, indicating for her to come closer. She caught my hint and climbed into my lap. Moving one of my hands to her back, I moved it down slowly, getting to her waist and holding onto it.
I stared at her for a minute, enticed by her beauty. She was wearing that perfume I loved, and I softly inhaled it.
“You are good enough to be loved, Fatima. I haven’t even known you long and I can see how good of a person you are, how loving you are. You have so much drive and ambition that’s a turn-on in itself. Even though you act shy as hell, you’re not afraid to speak what’s on your mind, and you’re beautiful as fuck. Just because your dad was a coward doesn’t mean it’s because of you.”
“Ahmad, you don’t even know me all like that,” she giggled.
“What does that mean? I know what I see and that’s a bomb ass person. You should never let anyone make you feel like you aren’t good enough because you are. You have a lot going for yourself.”
“I guess.” Her shoulders rose and fell again. Her voice was quiet.
I licked my lips and gripped her chin. “Trust me, Fatima, you’re a catch. Anyone would be lucky to have you. A lot of girls nowadays don’t bring much to the table, but you’re a package. You’re hardworking, independent, and from what my sister says about you, a good ass friend. Don’t discredit yourself, ever.”
Fatima gazed at me with tears building up in her eyes, but she didn’t look sad. She looked relieved, at peace even. Her breathing was steady and her body relaxed. She bit down on her bottom lip as a smile slowly made its way onto her face.
“Do you mean that?” Her voice was still soft, barely audible.
I ran my hand down her cheek to her neck and cuffed it securely. “I do. Every word.”
Finally a small split on her face. Her eyes twinkled brightly. Fatima grabbed my face and kissed me hungrily. She turned until she was fully straddling my lap. My hand wrapped around her body. I grabbed her ass cheeks and pulled her even closer.
“I like you, Ahmad, and that scares me,” she mumbled against my mouth.
Her eyes were staring directly at me, causing my heart to speed up. Something in me lit, making me want to protect Fatima and heal what her dad had damaged.
“Don’t be scared. You’re safe with me.” I kissed her again.
