Page 43 of Colton's Second Chance
“What if I’m willing to take the risk in order to see this case through? To see my responsibilities to Allison through? I’m not a quitter, Eli.”
He jerked a sharp look her way and clenched his jaw. “Well, you were once.”
Her despondent sigh reached him. “Oh. That. Right.”
When he glanced at her, she was staring out the side window, her brow puckered.
“I guess it’s my turn to spill.” She angled her gaze to him again. “I was crying at your parents because your mom was so sweet to me, so interested in me and my life, so…caring…” She sniffed, then opened her purse to pull out a tissue and wipe her eyes, her nose. “It just drilled home to me all the more what I’d missed not having a mother who valued me.”
Eli frowned his sympathy. “I hate that you felt unloved, Noelle. But are you sure you’re not remembering it through a dark lens? Maybe the fact that they favored your sister means you were a little jealous and saw things in a dimmer light than reality. I mean, they adopted you. Parents who want a child enough to adopt don’t—”
“I know what I lived, Eli.” She huffed her frustration, and he was jabbed with self-recrimination. The Coltons had pledged to live by the credobelieve, yet the first time Noelle presented him with truths about her life that he found hard to swallow, he’d doubted her. Was that why she’d broken up with him years ago? Had he unwittingly given her the perception he didn’t believe her? Had he diminished her truths and discounted her reality without knowing? Guilt kicked him at the notion he could have broken the family’s core value with the person he wanted to form his own family with.
“I’m sorry. You’re right.” He reached for her leg and gave it a quick squeeze of apology. “Only you can know what you experienced and how it shaped you. Please go on.”
She blinked at him as if his confession caught her off guard. “Thank you for that. I—” She cleared her throat. “The thing is, after a point, I got what I asked for. I gave them reason not to want me, not to love me. I became belligerent and acted out. I pushed the limits and rebelled after I heard—”
When she fell abruptly silent, he cut a side glance to her. “Heard what?” Eli held his breath. He didn’t want to know the awful thing she’d heard that had clearly caused a deep rift and a lasting pain.
“I heard my mother and aunt talking in the kitchen one day when I was about fourteen. After years of trying to be perfect for them and a model student and daughter, I heard my mother say it had been amistaketo adopt me. A mistake she regretted every day.”
Eli muttered a curse and reached for her knee. “Lord, Noelle, I am so sorry. What a terrible thing for her to say!”
“Yeah. Well, that was the truth I lived with. Once I knew she didn’t care about me, I saw no reason to behave or try to earn her love any more. I was angry and hurt, and I saw no reason not to be as difficult and unlovable as they seemed to believe I was. I couldn’t leave home soon enough. The animosity grew between us throughout high school. After I left for college, I never went back to Anchorage. Never really even spoke to my parents and only talked to Allison occasionally.”
Eli pulled the car to the side of the road. Once the Jeep was stopped, he turned on his emergency blinkers and the dome light. Facing Noelle, he cupped her cheek and held her gaze. She was telling him the deepest hurts of her life, and he owed her his undivided attention, his undiluted care and comfort. “Noelle, I—I wish I could do something…”
“You can’t, though. Nothing can change the past.” She squared her shoulders, then raised her chin. “I’m all right now.I’ve learned to move forward. I have my career, friends, and I’ve built a new life without my family.”
“I hate to think of you not having the kind of family support I’ve had,” he said. “I can’t imagine how lonely you must have felt growing up. Why didn’t you tell me all this in college?”
“I told you earlier. I didn’t want your pity. We had something special, and I didn’t want to tarnish it by dumping my miserable history on you. When I heard how you talked about your family and how important they were to you, I just couldn’t tell you how terribly my own family didn’t measure up to yours.”
“Wedidhave something special, Noelle.” Eli framed her face between his palms, his gaze probing hers, his heart breaking all over again. “And having heard all this about how heartless and cold your family was toward you, I have to wonder all the more why you would give up what we had.”
“It’s hard to explain. I’m not even sure I understand all the reasons. Fear can be complicat—”
Eli’s phone rang, making Noelle start and fall abruptly quiet. “Ignore it,” he said. “Finish what you were saying. This conversation is more important to me than whatever the person on the other end of that call has to say.”
Noelle’s expression softened, and her eyes reflected an appreciation and affection that made Eli’s chest ache all the more. His precious Noelle had been deprived of love, undervalued for so many years. Yet knowing the strong, intelligent and capable woman she’d become despite her circumstances made him appreciate her even more.
The phone quit ringing, and he gave her an encouraging nod. “There. All gone. Now finish.”
“I was only saying I’m still figuring out for myself what—”
Again his phone rang, and Eli growled his frustration.
“Answer it,” Noelle said, pushing his hands from her face. “Your partner is in the hospital, and a colleague suspected of mass murder is on the run. Odds are it’sveryimportant.”
A quiver chased to his core at the reminder of the chaos he’d left behind in Shelby for this side venture. “True enough.”
He took the call, and without a greeting, Kansas said, “Thank goodness! I was starting to worry! How could you take off on some mysterious errand and not be in touch for hours when we know Scott tried to kill you this morning?”
“Sorry if I worried you. Noelle and I are headed back now.”
“You missed Asher’s neurologist, the one who’ll be treating his concussion. He stressed the importance of Asher resting, no screens, no reading print, no activity for several days. His brain needs time to heal.”
“Damn. Bad time for him to be out of commission, too,” Eli grumbled. “This case just burst wide open, and our prime suspect is on the lam.”
