Page 29 of Colton's Second Chance
“Of what?”
“More of what I already knew.”
“What does that mean? Wasn’t I good to you?”
“Not you. My family.”
Eli huffed in frustration. “Noelle, come sit by me. I don’t want to talk to your back.”
She turned, and when he saw the glimmer of tears on her cheeks, his heartbeat stilled. Softening his tone, he patted the cushion next to him and murmured, “Please, sweetheart. Come here.”
Her shoulders slumped, but she finally joined him on the sofa. He placed a hand on her knee and nodded once. “Okay, go on.”
“Geez, where to start?” She wiped her cheeks and lifted her gaze to his. “You saw how hostile my aunt was toward me. She doesn’t want me to inherit, doesn’t want me to have a say in Allison’s burial, because she doesn’t accept me as real family.”
“Because you were adopted?” he ventured.
“Right. Thing is, my mother and father tried for years to have a child. When they couldn’t, they adopted me. I was six years old, not the baby they wanted, but I was the first child that came available through the agency they were using.”
“What happened to your biological parents? Where did you live before you were adopted?”
She lifted one shoulder and pulled a tissue from her pocket to blow her nose. “I never knew my real parents. I was told I lived with my biological grandmother for a couple years, but I was too much for her to handle apparently. She turned me over to the orphanage. My earliest memory is of crying and clinging to an older woman, who turned her back and walked away, leaving me with a stern lady at the children’s home.”
“Oh, Noelle. I’m sorry.”
“So…anyway, my dad was eager to finish the adoption process, and he pushed Mom to accept me rather than wait for a baby. Apparently, my parents had a few strikes against them that made them less than sterling potential parents. Lower income, some minor reservations from the social worker… Nothing to stop the adoption, but Dad didn’t want to risk being knocked off the list, I guess. Mom was never one hundred percent on board, but they took me in just the same so they would have the child they wanted.”
Eli scowled. “How do you know all this? You were only six.”
“Oh, they told me. More than once. It was held over my head when I acted out. ‘Be grateful you have a home at all. You weren’t our first choice.’”
Eli’s jaw dropped, and he gaped at her. “Are you serious? That’s awful!”
“I took it to heart, too. I did everything I could think of to earn their love and make them glad I was their child. I lived in fearof them sending me away if I didn’t behave just right or proved unworthy in some way.”
He continued to goggle at her, nausea churning inside him as he imagined the stress and emotional pain she grew up with. “That’s a terrible thing for them to have put on you! Good grief, Noelle…”
She raised a hand. “There’s more.” She took a beat to gather her thoughts, and Eli edged closer, wrapping her hand in his. “I was the only Korean student in my school in Anchorage. We had a few Black students and a large Inuit population along with white people, but I was…the only Asian. I stuck out—or at least I felt like I stuck out. I had a friend or two, but kids are fickle, and they would abandon me for other friends when I got teased.”
Eli’s chest hurt. He could only imagine how Noelle had struggled and ached as a child. He wanted to scoop that young girl into his arms and hug her and tell her she was valued and loved. Instead, he drew grown-up Noelle into his arms and pressed her head to his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. That’s horrible. I never knew.”
“Because I didn’t want you to know. I never wanted you to know anything about my family or my past. I wanted to leave my past behind me. I knew how golden your childhood was and how you treasured your big family, and I had nothing that remotely resembled that.”
He opened his mouth to say something, anything to soothe her pain, but she must have anticipated what he intended, because she cut him off, adding, “And I especially didn’t want your pity. I still don’t. Back then, I wanted anything you felt for me to be genuine, to be mine because you really cared and not because you felt sorry for me.”
“Can’t I feel sorry for how you were treated and still care about you for who you are?” He stroked her hair and felt the tremble that raced through her. He tightened his hold on her, wanting topour himself into her and chase out all the ugly memories, all the hurtful words and unfair shame her parents put on her.
“Maybe. I don’t know. I didn’t think so for a lot of years.” She exhaled, and her warm breath on his neck stirred something tender deep in his core. “Allison was born when I was ten. Just like that, my parents had the baby, the biological child, they’d dreamed of. They pampered and coddled and spoiled her. She could do no wrong, whereas I was just in the way.”
“And you’re sure this wasn’t just your youthful jealousy of the new baby talking? Couldn’t some of your memories be skewed by immaturity? I know I had a hard time sharing my parents’ attention when my brothers came along.”
“You have tohaveyour parents love and attention to be jealous of losing it.” Her voice cracked, and she paused and cleared her throat. “No, I knew I was in the way, that they didn’t want me around, because I overheard my mother tell my aunt—”
Her phone rang, interrupting her, and Eli grimaced. He hated for her story, her explanation to be left hanging at such a crucial point.
“Don’t answer it. Finish what you were saying.”
But when she glanced at her phone, she held up a finger. “I should take this. It’ll only be a minute.”
