Page 67 of Lavender Lake
“You sure that’s a good idea?” Muddy asked. “Declan will give you hell.”
“My OB said it was fine since I’m an experienced rider. Goldie would never throw me,” Hadley said. “And I’ll handle Declan.”
“You want to go with us?” Muddy asked me.
I shook my head.
Muddy hugged me. “Thought so, but I wanted to extend the invitation anyway.”
The two of them went to the stables and I was left in solitude with my thoughts. I couldn’t decide if I wanted the leftover poutine in the fridge or a shower.
Shower.
I ran up the stairs into the shared bathroom between Hadley’s room and my own. I turned on the shower and then stripped out of my clothes.
The water was scalding and it turned my skin pink. I closed my eyes and let the heat envelop me. My breaths became short, rapid, and a lump of pain in my chest swelled. It shot up my throat and exploded from my mouth in a gruesome, horrifying noise I didn’t recognize.
It was violent and loud; an entity threatening to choke me.
It poured from my eyes.
It leapt from my heart.
Anguish, hurt, grief—years of it—came out now.
And there was nothing I could do to stop it.
It wasn’t quiet.
It wasn’t convenient.
But my body had had enough, holding onto pain and remorse that no longer served to protect me, but had instead been slowly killing me. And yet I’d been too obstinate to notice.
I was lost in a sea of memories; assaulted by them. Like bullets ripping through my flesh and exploding to cause even more pain inside me.
My hand clawed at my chest as if I could rip my heart from my skin and toss it away so it could no longer hurt me.
The door to the bathroom opened, but I paid it no mind, too lost in my own misery.
“Salem?”
A noise escaped my throat, like a dying animal writhing in pain, determined to live despite its life draining away.
The shower curtain pulled back and revealed Bowman. He tossed his cowboy hat onto the counter, and then without a moment’s hesitation, he climbed into the shower with me even though he was still fully clothed.
He closed the curtain, and then pulled me into his arms. My wet, naked, unadorned body pressed against the fabric of his shirt and jeans.
I balled my fists and began to beat against him, my red hair lashing my cheeks and neck as I made the most unhinged noises.
His arms tightened around me, but he didn’t shy away. He let me lose myself against him, like a flash flood battering its way through rocks.
Eventually, my anguish turned to whimpers.
He placed his hand on my head and pressed me deeper into the wall of his chest.
Awareness returned and my mind began to clear.
Embarrassment was the first emotion I registered. Horror that Bowman had witnessed my meltdown had me pushing against him in an attempt to flee.
