Page 128 of Fall of a Kingdom
Would Flynn put picture frames of me holding each of them next to their bedsides so they could stare at me before they went to sleep? Or would that be too much for them to bear?
I took a sip of scotch and trekked down the hallway to Flynn’s study. I loved the room, with its expansive ornate desk, leather bound books, and the scent of peat lingering in the air. I turned on the light. A warm glow dribbled the furniture in masculine ambiance.
One of his favorite sweaters hung on the back of his desk chair. I set my glass of scotch on the desktop and then reached for the garment. It was worn and faded gray, an odd garment for a billionaire, but something he cherished and refused to get rid of. I brought it to my nose and inhaled. His cologne lingered in the wool, and I closed my eyes, silently asking his forgiveness.
Forgiveness for keeping my condition from him for as long as I had. Forgiveness for not including him in my choice of whether or not to have surgery. Forgiveness for leaving him before we were old and gnarled.
“You’re wasting time,” Igor said, startling me from my thoughts. He leaned against the edge of Flynn’s desk.
“I’m wasting nothing.” I took off my own sweater so I could pull on Flynn’s. It wasn’t the same as having his arms around me, but it made me feel better.
And yet, for the first time in my life, even if Flynn were here to embrace me and whisper words of comfort, I realized they would just be empty—lies that everything was going to be okay.
“Your death will change them,” Igor said.
I bowed my head, not wanting to meet Igor’s eyes.
“Ash is hanging on by a thread. Her marriage is on the brink of collapse.”
“That’s not my fault.”
“No. Not technically. But she’s constantly comparing her relationship to yours and Flynn’s. She finds hers…lacking.”
“Again, that isn’t my fault.”
“She knows she could get through anything as long as she has you by her side.”
“Spare me the guilt trip.” I picked up my glass of scotch and took a hefty swallow, wanting to drown out the truth in Igor’s words, but knowing I couldn’t.
“Quinn doesn’t know what she wants. She says she does, but she’s never decided who she wants to be. You were supposed to help her become a queen.”
“Stop it,” I begged. “Just stop it. Don’t burden me with this. Don’t put all of this on my shoulders.”
I walked to the fireplace mantle and ran my fingers across the marble. Igor’s accusations were manifestations of my own. They were poisonous darts puncturing my heart.
“And Sasha,” he went on. “He held you in his arms while you had a seizure. He forced you to go to the doctor. Now you’re going to force him to watch you wither away and die. You’re the potential and hope he has never lost. If you die, you will change him forever, too.”
Tears gathered in my eyes and emotion clogged my throat.
“And your children… They’re going to grow up without a mother. Your daughter will never know you. She’ll grow up in a house of grief and anger, because you dying will knock the entire family off course. Flynn will crumble. He’ll become a bitter man. You’re the only thing keeping him from becoming completely ruthless. If you die, he’ll lose his humanity.”
“Shut the fuck up!” I yelled, unable to endure anymore. I threw my glass of scotch at the fireplace. Crystal shattered and brown liquor splattered across the stone floor.
My breathing was harsh in my own ears, and I gripped the mantle as tears trailed down my cheeks. I prayed my children were still asleep. I prayed the nannies hadn’t heard my meltdown.
I prayed I wasn’t really dying.
But I knew my prayers would go unanswered.
Flynn kept an antique liquor cart fully stocked. I went to it and made myself another drink.
Igor looked solemn and resolute, dressed in a black suit like he was about to attend a funeral.
I began to recognize his ghost as a symbol of the sickness spreading inside me and determined then and there that I would think of him only as the Angel of Death from that moment on.
I set my new glass of scotch on Flynn’s desk and then took a seat in his chair.
“Go,” I told Igor. “Please.”
