Page 160 of Sweet Venom
“That’s not true.” Jude’s shaking his head, his eyes glassy. “Even if it were, she only became mentally unwell because she married you.”
“It’s the other way around.” Regis releases a long sigh. “Marrying that woman was my tragedy.”
“Then why didn’t you let her go?”
“She wouldn’t leave no matter what I offered and even threatened that if I kicked her out, she’d devise a way to take you with her and never let me see you again.” Regis lets out a low chuckle. “You probably don’t know this, but she’s the one who came on to me, not the other way around.”
“Liar.”
“It’s true.” Julian swirls his glass of wine. “She stalked him for years while he was married. I saw her in all the places we went to, even when I was young. She used her family’s power and influence to get close to Father until she eventually had her way. I recently found out she was the reason behind my mother’s suicide, though unintentionally. My poor mother was led to believe Father was cheating on her again, and she couldn’t handle it, so she overdosed on pills, paving the way for Susie to walk right in.”
“You’re fucking lying.” Jude’s speaking so gutturally, it makes my chest hurt. “Mom would never?—”
“Because she was so sweet and caring?” Julian laughs. “I fell for that, too, but that woman was very mentally disturbed.”
Annalise flinches at his words, but I can’t focus on her, because Jude’s face is pale, his grip growing lax.
“And while we’re at it, all those babies she was so obsessed with having?” Regis says. “Most of them happened because she’d take my sperm to clinics for in vitro fertilization, Mr. Sperm Donor’s son.”
“Enough!” Jude stands up. “I won’t sit here and listen to you slander my dead fucking mother just because you can’t take accountability for your actions.”
“I admit I was wrong,” Regis says. “I should’ve freed you from her claws before she converted you with her propaganda.”
“If you think I believe either of you, then you must be out of your mind.”
“Believe your memories, then.” Regis rises and motions at Lucia, who’s standing by the door. “Do you ever recall the dark side or are you too far gone and they’re always roses and sunshine?”
Jude’s shoulders are so crowded with tension, I’m afraid they’ll snap.
“I’m happy for you to consider me the devil, but your mother was no saint.” Regis grabs the envelope from Lucia. “Julian said it’s better we spare you the disappointment since she was the only light in your life, but your constant worship of her is starting to grate on my nerves. Either hate us both or stop with the high-and-mighty speech.”
“Father…” Julian starts to stand, but Regis holds up a hand.
He offers the letter to Jude. “Read the last thing she wrote in the handwriting you love so much. I’ve been hiding it so it doesn’t shatter your illusions, but you deserve to read the suicide note she left for Julian.”
“Mom didn’t commit suicide. She was murdered.” Jude snatches it from his father’s fingers, and I think he’ll rip it, but he opens it.
I stand up, getting close to him, not sure why it feels imperative to be by his side right now.
From my position, I can make out the words written in a mixture of cursive and print letters.
Julian,
When this letter reaches you, I’ll be dead.
Don’t be alarmed. I’ve been planning it for a while now, paid one of the other patients I met in the mental institute to kill me in broad daylight and make it look like murder.
I’m writing this so you’ll kill him afterward. I don’t want Jude to find out I’ve been plotting my suicide. It’ll hurt him if he thinks I wanted to leave of my own volition, so maybe murder will hurt less.
Truth is, I can’t live a life without purpose, and that purpose left me with my hysterectomy. I always wanted so many children from Regis, a football team of them, actually, but my body was uncooperative. How sad.
Sometimes, I hate Jude for being the only one who survived. The voices tell me he cursed my body and that if I kill him, I’ll get all the kids I want.
But I don’t want to do that, truly, Julian. Please believe me. I love Jude, he’s my little miracle, and the reason Icontinue to breathe. But sometimes, I get intrusive thoughts about him. I also don’t like that Regis is only keeping me around for Jude’s sake. He loves him more than me, and I think I’m a bit hurt.
But I still love my son and I’m lucky I have him. I’m just scared I’ll hurt him. Or kill him.
That said, I hope Regis is pained by my death. If he hadn’t shoved me in all those mental institutes and pumped me full of stupid antipsychotic drugs, I would’ve given birth to many children, and he would’ve loved me.
