Page 74 of Everything But the Earl
“I’ve made a terrible hash of things,” Grace told her after they were served tea.
“Oh, sweetness. What happened?”
“The earl is here. Well, not here in the house right now. He is off on an errand. But he is here in Wales. And the letter I wrote to tell him about the baby didn’t make it into the post before he returned. I believe he is angry with me about it, but he’s being very odd. He has not yelled or criticized me. Instead he is just…well, ignoring me.”
“You’ve shocked him.”
“Yes, and I’ve apologized several times. But I fear he may not forgive me.”
“But you want him to.”
“Yes. I regret not telling him about the baby more than I regret anything I’ve ever done in my life. I was so happy when he arrived home. I’ve missed him. But now that he’s here, he barely looks at me. Which perhaps I deserve. But I want to fix it.”
“You must speak with him. Confess how you feel. Grovel a little. He may come around.”
Grace wasn’t sure he would.
“You are actually fond of your husband,” Catrin said. It wasn’t a question.
“I am. We’ve been exchanging letters for months. He’s clever and passionate about his work. That was why I put off telling him about Dafydd. I didn’t want to take him away from his responsibilities. What he was doing seemed important.”
But was that really true? Grace had been telling herself that for months. But she also had to admit that she wanted her independence. And if Owen came back because of the baby, that would change.
After all, she’d been the one who insisted on moving to Wales and staying here, she was the one who wanted to live in the country and have independence. She’d wanted to make her pottery, she’d wanted to leave London. That had been theplan, the reason she’d agreed to marry Owen.
Only none of this had gone the way she’d expected. She’d become used to being alone when she still lived with her parents. Her sister was much younger than she was and they barely interacted. Her father was never home and Grace thanked God daily that her mother considered herself too aristocratic to bother spending time with her children. Grace had assumed that being alone was what she wanted, in part because it was what she’d always known.
But spending time in Wales had corrected that misunderstanding. She had friends here, a surrogate family, people who checked on her to make sure she was all right, who kept her company when she was struggling and brought her treats and made her laugh just because she they were friends.
On top of that, she’d grown to actually like Owen. And the more they corresponded, the more she missed him and wanted him to be here in Wales with her.
That was the opposite of what they’d agreed to.
He’d told her that he felt the same way. Maybe she’d have to remind him why he liked her to begin with.
“Can I ask you a personal question?” Grace asked.
“Anything, dear.”
“How long after you had each of your children did you wait before you…had marital relations again.”
“Using your feminine wiles, eh?” Catrin winked.
“I am considering it.” Not that Grace thought it would solve the problem, but she did want to lie with Owen again and she thought it might help bring them closer together. Assuming he ever spoke to her again.
“About a month, I believe. But in your case? You should wait until you feel fully healed. The births of my children were not nearly so…violent. If I were you, I would ask your doctor.”
Grace’s face flooded with heat. “I could not possibly tell my doctor I want to…you know…with my husband.”
“Why not? Is not the purpose of marriage to make heirs, especially if one has a title to pass on? The doctor will understand. He knows what married people do.”
Grace let out a breath. This was bothersome. She did not think she could broach the topic of…marital relations…with the doctor, nor did she feel fully healed. She wasn’t sore anymore, but she still felt weak and fragile, something she absolutely loathed. One of the things she liked about her independence was that no one ever treated her like she was stupid or breakable. The people she surrounded herself with here in Wales all treated her like a peer, like someone who was strong and knew her own mind, and Grace appreciated that. But for the last few months, Grace had felt not at all like herself, and she didn’t know how to get her strength back.
Catrin frowned at her. “I know this situation with your husband troubles you, but it is also worth considering… That is, I have heard of cases in which women who have just had babies feel unbearably sad or fretful. I believe it is quite normal.”
Grace shook her head. She wasn’t sad, exactly, just…not herself. “Did you experience that?”
“No, but that does not mean there is anything wrong with you if you do.”
