It’s true. It’s the longest I’ve gone without any night terrors. Five months to be exact, and I’m not even sure if the last one really counted as a true night terror. I’d had a dream I was falling and had yelled, rolling out of bed before I hit the floor. I’d been on the floor for all of a minute before my door burst open and my parents rushed in to grab me.
“I’m okay, now. I promise.”
“Don’t lie to us, Meadow. Just go downstairs. Now. You’re going to ruin everything.”
I’d gone, reminding them that “I can walk” so there wasn’t really any need to carry/drag me through the halls of our too big house. It hadn’t really worked. I’d gotten dragged and shoved downstairs, and locked in the basement in the span of five minutes. My parents were a well oiled machine when it came to dispatching their daughter.
“You aren’t going to have an episode. You’ll see.” I tell myself as I wash out my tea cup and set it to dry in the drying rack. I walk down the hall and to my room. I almost lock my door but I don’t. I stop myself from even closing it. If the unthinkable happens tonight, I don’t want Charlie thinking something is attacking me. He needs to see straight away that I’m okay, that I’m just dreaming.
I sigh, get into bed and give the open doorway a last look before I settle under the covers and close my eyes. Maybe tonight I’ll have a good dream, one where the voice speaks to me and the red light appears.
It’sno great surprise that I do dream. And it’s not a good dream. There’s no voice calming me, and there’s no red light that I associate with the safe zone. I wake up screaming and thrashing in my sleep, because of course I fucking do. Five months down the drain in one night. It’s the cherry on top of everything that this is the first night that Charlie is staying with me. When I have a night terror, I’m aware. I know what’s happening, every step of the dream feels real even though I know it’s not.
Tonight is no different.
I fall into the familiar dance of trying to wake myself up. This time I’m in the woods outside of town, I end up here frequently in my dreams, even when they aren’t nightmares. I walk through the trees trying to find my way back to town. I try to look for anything familiar but it’s no use. I’ve never been this deep in the woods. I hear a howl in the distance and then a growl close by. A twig snaps and that’s enough for me to start running. Whatever is in the woods with me gives chase, crashing through the underbrush and trees. The sound of snapping jaws and falling trees fills the air. I hear the leaves crunch underfoot and the leaves rustling above as whatever it is that’s running after me shakes the ground.
I clap my hands over my ears because it’s just so damn loud. I keep running, though. I run faster and harder than I’ve ever run until I break into a clearing. At the center of the clearing isa boulder and a light comes from it. It spills out of the rock like water and runs over the ground towards me.
It’s red and orange and the light oscillates between the two and makes me think of fire. Like somehow the essence of a fire has been freed and is reaching for me.
I don’t understand how light can move like that but I don’t care. I’ve seen this light before. Sometimes I’m in a windowless room with walls made of stone, other times I’m wandering on a summer’s day with the ocean a stone’s throw away. Even when I know I can’t trust the idyllic scenes, I know I can trust the light.
It usually means I’m safe, that I’ll be okay until I can get myself to wake up. I run for the light, straight for the rock. Behind me a howl goes up through the night, the sound pushing me faster towards the rock. I reach out a hand to the rock and the shining light that means I’m safe, and the second my fingers touch the stone I wake up.
But when I wake up there’s something different. I feel wrong, like I’m weightless and not in control of my body. I move my hands to push myself up but there’s nothing there to push on. Oh gods. What if I’m still dreaming? Sometimes that happens.
“Mulberries,” I whisper and open my eyes, ready to take on whatever sequel my subconscious has conjured up. The ceiling is in front of me, not above me. Well, okay, it is above me but it’s literally in front of me. Like inches away. How did I get up here? Is my bed floating? Oh gods, I bet I’m still asleep. This has to be another dream.
“Take control. Just take control,” I order myself. It’s something I’ve done all my life. No matter how bad the nightmare, or inviting the place I wake up in, I know I can get out of it. I can force myself to wake up if I focus. I try doing that now but nothing happens, the ceiling stays just as close and when I raise a tentative hand to touch it, it feels firm and cool beneath my palm.
Holy shit. Am I awake? I jerk back and move to push myself on to my side, but when I put my hand down it swipes through the air. There’s nothing there for me to touch. No bed. No mattress. None of my thick quilts. Just air.
I look beyond my hand and understand why I can’t touch anything. It’s because I’m nowhere close to being on my bed. I’ve missed that mark by a good six feet. Am I flying? Is that what this is?
“No way.”
“Meadow, what the fuck are you doing up there? Get down this instant!”
I scream at Charlie’s voice and just like that I come crashing back down to earth and my damn bed. I hit it so hard that I bounce. Twice. The bed frame creaks and then a leg gives out a second later and I end up rolling off the mattress and onto the floor in front of Charlie.
“Knock next time,” I growl at Charlie from the floor.
He takes an exaggerated step back and knocks on the door. “Knock, knock, why the fuck are you floating? Is that better?”
“To be honest? No.”
“Figured.”
“Whatever.” I sit up and shove the quilts that made the journey to the floor with me off to the side. Floating in sleep was not on my bingo card when I was worrying about living with Charlie. It sure makes my night terrors look like normal sleep activities.
“Look, I’ve never done that before, okay? I don’t know what or why I was floating like that.”
Charlie laughs and points at me. “You’re a witch.”
I blink in surprise. “Come again?” I don’t know where Charlie is going with this but I’m honestly not in my right mind after floating and breaking my bed.
“Listen, tonight, at any point did you feel funny before bed? Or maybe at dinner? Like a little more magical than the normal feminine mystique kinda magical?”
