Page 29 of Sweet Rule
Zeus considers his watch for a beat before he glances at me. “Anything you want done with it?”
I shrug. “I don’t care what happens to it so long asshedoesn’t have it.” I don’t want to possess anything my mother has loved. I just want to take it from her. “Do you think it could be a tax write off?”
He smiles at me. “I’m impressed. You are truly my daughter.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good thing yet,” I confess and tilt my head to the side as I watch the woman I’d called mother try to claw her way to me. “But I think I like it more than being her kid.”
“I’m going to end you! You jealous little bitch! I made you what you are! You would be nothing without me. You think you’re better than me? You’re nothing!” The last two words are more sounds than words. They are ripped right out of her, from a place so dark and deep there are allusions to just how beneath her my mother considers me. I was right in knowing that she hates me, but so is she.
She has made me exactly what I am. All the pain and neglect has brought us to this moment, hasn't it?
“You created this then, didn’t you?” I ask her. I flick a finger at myself. “Everything you despise is made of your own hand,mother.”
She sneers at me. “You think you’re hot shit because you’ve got a Daddy now?” she laughs. The sound of it is cruel. It had once been a laugh that made me wince, but now I hear it for what it is. Fear. All the times she’s hurt me has been because she’s been afraid. Why I make her afraid, I don’t know.
I probably won’t ever know either, because this is the last time I am going to see her. No more surprises. No more fucking jump scares with her making herself known in the most painful of ways. Law’s face flashes to mind and I grip the armrests of my chair tightly. She’d had a hand in me losing him.
I am going to make her pay double for what I’ve lost.
This is going to be more than enough closure for me.
“I’ve changed my mind,” I tell my father and when he motions for me to continue, I go on to add, “I want everything she has. Not just the things you gave her. I’m talkingeverything, down to the last button that she brought from Texas. All of it. I want her absolutely fucked. Ruined.”
He laughs. “That’s my girl.”
“What?No!” There is a shriek before she throws herself at the security guard. She is raging now. Funny, considering she’d laughed in my face when I’d asked her for help that first year in New York. She won’t have anyone to ask for help now. I am glad of it.
“You know, though, there will be a price for what you’re asking me to do,” Zeus says with a little sigh. Ah. There it is. I knew it was all going to come with a price.
I watch my mother fight with the guard and nod. They are dragging her away now, though she isn’t going peacefully, not with her kicking and screaming. A heel flies off her foot and clatters to the floor on her way past and her perfect makeup is smeared. I am going to remember the furious impotence I see on her face until the day I die.
Whatever it is that Zeus is about to ask of me, it isn’t going to be too much. Not for this memory.
“That’s fine. I’ll pay it. I want her ruined.”
It’s the truth. I’ve held that thought back for so long. I’ve buried it and refused to tend it, I don’t want to let it grow. I’m fearful that one day I will wake up to find that my anger and hurt has sprouted roots and dug in deep. If I do, then I’ll be just like her. She is a mean woman and I’ll opt to run rather than sit and fester, let myself turn into her mirror.
But in my running, in all my denying of my anger, the way I have given into my pain and loneliness instead, I’ve turned myself away from an inescapable truth.
Anger feels good. Retribution and revenge?Exquisite.
I’ve never tasted anything like it in my life. I feel drunk on it now, watching my mother dragged away and knowing it is the last time I’ll see her. She is done. I look away from Rosario, her head vanishing into the crowd before the dimness of the club makes her indistinguishable from any other partygoer. I take in a deep breath, hold it and then let it whoosh out of my lungs with a sigh. My body relaxes into my seat and I nod to myself before I look up at Zeus.
“What’s the price?” I ask.
He doesn’t speak for a second, dark eyes that look like mine moving over me before he smiles. It is a cold smile. Nothing like a father might send a daughter’s way, but there is pride in it. I lift my chin a little under that look of pride from him and wait for him to speak.
“I will need an heir,” he says.
My heart gives a lurch. Fuck.
“What?” I shake my head. “You have me…you said…” my voice trails off because I don’t know what else to say. Zeus claims family is power. That it is central to everything that must be done. What is he about to ask me to do?
The freedom and power I’d just gripped in both hands and claimed for my own starts to slip but I refuse to flinch as Zeus goes on.
“You are my heir, but there must be a line.” I lick my lips and let my eyes move over the crowd. I don’t focus on anyone, but the rhythm and sway of the people dancing and moving is enough to distract me as Zeus continues speaking. “You cannot take on my empire alone. There will have to be someone with you.”
I look at him then. “I have you.”
