Page 20 of Sugar and Spice
I rubbed my fingers against my temples, giving myself a mental shake. I did not want to watch television in bed with this man, even if he was devastatingly handsome, could kiss amazingly, and somehow had managed to grow on me in the most insane way over the past 48 hours.
I looked down at the gold band on my finger and rubbed my thumb across it. Him being my fake husband didn’t hurt either, but that's what this was. Fake. I had to keep my head on straight while being trapped here with him overnight with a snowstorm raging outside. It was going to be a long night, and there was only one bed to share.
“Is this because there’s only one bed?” I asked, walking towards the small chest at the foot of the bed and opening it up. “Because there are plenty of extra blankets and pillows in here. One of us can take the floor or try out that love seat, but if we’re going to do that it should be me, because you’re massive.”
“It’s not the bed,” he said. There was something rough and a little strained sounding to his voice that stopped me in the middle of my rummaging. I looked at him over my shoulder to see he was staring up at the ceiling with his hands twisted around the back of his neck.
“Are you trying to choke yourself out?”
“Maybe.”
“That’s a kink I did not sign up for with this fake marriage.”
He looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “So which onesdidyou sign up for then?”
I knew my eyes went wide and I looked back at the chest in front of me, clearing my throat as I stood with a blanket clutched to my chest. “That was not what I expected.”
Austin sighed and then took up his pacing again. “Sorry. I’m just nervous.”
“What are you nervous about? It’s just us here.”
“I know.”
I shook my head at him. “Then why are you nervous? I don’t-”
“I’m nervous because it’s you, Daisy.” He moved, that pacing becoming a stride that put him in front of me. He put his hands on mine, his fingers warm on my skin, as he squeezed them, the blanket beneath our hands. “It’s always beenyou.”
There was a lot in those last few words. I could hear it, even if I didn’t understand it. Then again, I hardly understood the attraction that had steadily been building up in me for Austin. How the hell had I gone from wanting to choke him, to wanting him to touch me? To know what this man might feel like underneath the clothes he wore. The transition had happened at lightning speed and as much as I wanted to ignore the little voice screaming at me that I had always felt this way, I knew it was true. Then there was the fact I couldn’t get enough of him kissing me.
It had been shocking, yes, but now I wanted him close. I hoped he would kiss me again. I found myself turning my face up to his, even if I didn’t understand the longing I heard in his voice. He’d once smashed my eggs on the sidewalk before a state bake off. That I understood. That was expected, butthis?
What if it was a trick? It had to be a trick, right? But if it was a trick then why did I feel the way that I did? What if it was more of the same, and I was dumb enough to fall for it because of a cash prize that made me think Austin wasn’t who I had thought he was. That he wasn’t selfish, or demanding, or annoying and conniving, but warm, kind, that he could be sweet when he wasn’t making me want to kick him.
What the hell was real anymore? Nothing was making sense.
I shook my head and took a quick step back, pulling my hands from his. “That doesn’t make sense, Austin.” I gestured between us. “We don’t get along. Everyone knows that. I don’t get what you are saying, coming in here and saying it’s always been me.” It was my turn to pace now, and I began my path along the side of the bed to the wall and back again, watching Austin warily as he folded up the blankets and dropped them on the bed with a sigh.
“The summer after we graduated, you came home,” he said, speaking now that I was on the move.
“So what?”
“You didn’t have to.”
I stopped and stared at him. “Of course I did. My dad was sick.”
“You hate this town,” he said.
I cleared my throat. “I don’t hate it,” I replied, and he raised an eyebrow, prompting me to add, “I don’t hate it anymore. It’s, you know, home. It isn’t what I wanted, but it works. It’s fine.”
“Life shouldn’t just work. It shouldn’t just be fine. It should be what you want, otherwise what’s the point?” he asked. I didn’t answer, because he had me there. “Never liked that you were forced to come back here. I know you love your dad, but there are a lot of people who wouldn’t have stayed. You did, Daisy.”
“I didn’t want him to be alone, not right after.”
“I know. Love that about you.”
I froze, eyes wide and staring at him. Austin didn’t love a damn thing about me. At least I hadn’t thought so. “What’s going on, Austin?”
“What’s going on is, that I was a stupid kid with a crush who resorted to bullshit tactics to get the girl I liked to notice me. Didn’t know how to grow out of that, so kept it up until she was gone. So she left hating me, but I was the one that made it that way,” he told me. I swallowed hard, my cheeks flushing. There had been a time I wondered if Austin had liked me when we were younger. A time when I had drooled a little over how the boy had filled out his baseball uniform. But then he’d been there with an eyeroll or little trip in the hallway, firmly slapping down my infatuation until I only wanted to retaliate. “Then she came home and I didn’t really know how to fix it. I tried once, but it didn’t go well. When you were first home, I came over to your dad’s house with a hot plate from my mom.” He grinned at me. “I thought you were going to chuck it at my head though.”
