Page 12 of Honey, Honey
“Oh I’m okay. It’s not that far and-”
“Honey.” I could tell by the way she held on to my name Juana was not going to be arguing on this one. It was going to be easier to take the umbrella in the long run.
“Okay, okay,” I sighed, coming forward to follow her into her apartment. The space was cozy with pale yellow walls that warmed the big loft in a way mine lacked. Juana had plants filling every available space, rugs covering the floors and the familiar smell of spices—cloves and cinnamon—filled my nose the second I crossed the threshold. It was a happy place, somewhere I knew I was welcome anytime and I grinned watching her rifle through her closet until she emerged with a pink umbrella triumphantly.
“Here’s an extra that I don’t need anymore,” she said, holding it out to me with a smile.
“I’ll bring it back,” I hedged, taking the pale pink umbrella that looked as long as my arm. A flouncy bow could be seen peeking out from the bottom of it and I turned it over, seeing there were more bows circling the bottom of it. This thing couldn’t have been meant for anyone over the age of twelve, but even so my soul sang at the sight of all that pink. The bows made me want to run my fingers over them, twisting the material around my forefinger and thumb until it cut into my skin. It would be soft, I knew that. It was a perfect umbrella really, but that didn’t change the fact that it was meant for a child.
Not a grown woman. Which I was.
I looked at Juana nervously, wondering why she had given me this umbrella. The old woman saw more than she let on and a finger of fear crept up my spine and made me wonder exactly what it was that she saw in me that made her give me a pink bowed cupcake of an umbrella.
Juana rolled her eyes at me. “That’s your umbrella now, Honey. I’ve had it for years, it’s not like anyone will use it, so don’t tell me that you can’t take it when it’s just taking up space in my closet.” The fear that had touched my skin vanished and I let out the breath I had been holding. She didn’t know. It was all a coincidence. “Now come here, give me a hug and go eat, and make sure to eat seconds. You don’t eat enough.”
I opened my mouth to protest but right on cue my stomach growled. Traitor. It was true I did skip meals but it was just because I was so...scattered. I didn’t know where the time went, or where I was when the time went, but my mind was somewhere else. Lost on a thought or busy thinking about what I needed to dolater,that I just forgot about what I needed to do rightnow.
“Oh, all right,” I sighed, obediently hugging her. Juana was a small woman, short and slight, her body felt light against mine and I closed my eyes when she squeezed with more strength than her small body indicated she had. She patted my back and leaned back, smiling broadly at me.
“I’ll keep an ear out for you when you get back. Be careful crossing Queens Boulevard, you know how they drive. Todo loco,” she said with a shake of her gray head.
I smiled and leaned in close to her, pressing my lips to her cheek. “I know, I’ll be careful.”
“Have fun.”
“I will.” I raised the umbrella and gave her another smile. “Thank you for this, Juana. I mean it.”
“De nada, mija,” she said, and then shooed me towards the door, “now get a move on, or you’ll be late for dinner.”
I left Juana’s apartment, my footsteps sounding loud on the wooden stairs as I descended to the street level. When I shouldered open the heavy metal door I was hit with a wave of chilly wet air that had me frowning and opening my umbrella with a jerk of my hand. It unfurled, the great big whoosh of it’s canopy extending above me making me jump. The pink material of it was...well, it was fucking great, and I smiled watching the pink bows bounce merrily along as I walked.
It was a sweet umbrella. I wouldn’t tell Juana but I loved it far more than she would ever know. I reached out, touching the soft pink end of a ribbon briefly before I adjusted my grip on the surprisingly large and heavy handle. The umbrella was a lot bigger than I had anticipated and I shifted, making sure to hold the curved pink handle with both hands when a man’s shoulder grazed, it but he was effectively bounced back and away by the sturdy umbrella canopy. The pink bows danced merrily and I was only vaguely aware of the man’s frown as I lifted the umbrella to get a look at what had made contact with me. I was going to have to concentrate on navigating the busy street if I wanted to get there without knocking anyone down. But because of its size and height, plus the sheer overwhelming power of it’s bubblegum pinkness, the umbrella did wonders for helping me slice through the crowd. It was a little oversized, the canopy of it forming a pastel bubble around me that kept other walkers a foot away from me. Then I knew why Juana had given me the umbrella. Not for the pink material or the big bouncing bows I loved, but for the distance that it put between me and the other people in the city.
Juana was a smart woman. But not even she had figured out my secret. And that secret was that I was, at the core of me, aMiddle.
A Middle with a taste for BDSM and submission.
I shifted, gripping the umbrella tighter. Would Juana like me if she knew? I didn’t know. Probably not. Not that she would ever be let into that part of my life. Not that anyone I ever held in my day-to-day existence would discover the secret about who I was.
Not that it matters on account of how far away you keep everyone, the voice in my head insisted, and I flinched. There were times I hated my thoughts and now was one of them. I hated it when my thoughts told me the truth. I did hold everyone at arm's length, but that didn’t have a thing to do with the person I chose to be when I put myself in the hands of a Daddy Dom. My skin tingled, the blood rushing to the surface in a mix of adrenaline and lust that warmed me through better than any shot of alcohol could ever hope to. I barely felt the cold rainwater sloshing off my umbrella and onto my arm when I turned the corner sharply to avoid careening into a pack of school children gleefully screaming and running down the street.
Daddy.
That one word was enough to make me weak. I bit my lip, fingers gripping the hard plastic handle tighter, checking before I joined the group of pedestrians crossing the street. It had been awhile since I’d played, which probably explained why I was so in my head lately. I needed it. Craved the release of letting someone else have my control, even if only for a few hours. The time spent being a Middle reset me. Let me breathe a little easier when I could let Daddy make the decisions. Although...it wasn’t like I would be docile about it. I made up my mind to play that weekend. There were only so many days a woman could go on like I was, with zero play and all work. I would go to Cairn and put out my feelers for just the right Daddy. Because not just anyone would do. I needed a Dom with a strong hand, but also with a soft spot for brats.
I liked giving it as good as I got. The sassier side of me, the sharper edges I kept carefully hidden away from the world, had no qualms at revealing themselves to those who also participated in the lifestyle. It was easier to reveal all those jagged and raw bits of myself to others who chose to lay themselves just as bare. There was a vulnerability in kink that went unnoticed by much of the public who either didn’t have an interest in, or hadn’t experienced the delicate dance of release through kink. I loved it when I was able to sink into my role as a Middle. I was absent more than not lately with my work schedule and it had only added to my anxiety and general scatteredness.
Tonight with Tiff would help reset me some though. Good people, good food, the closeness of dinner and gossip with a new friend would come close to taking the edge off the ball of anxiety I felt growing in my chest. Tonight would be good. Just what I needed. I knew it. My lips turned up in a smile, steps quickening as I all but set off in a jog to stay with the flood of foot traffic.
Overhead thunder rolled, the crack of it reverberating along the tall buildings and I swore I could feel it shaking up through the concrete as I ran, trying to get out of the rain that didn't seem to be letting up any time soon. Water splashed my legs but I kept going and before long I saw the familiar lights of Sik Gaek come into view. The warm glow of it made me smile as I walked toward the door, and I began to wonder how long Tiffany wanted to stay out—as in how many bottles of Soju I might be able to persuade her to order with me tonight.
With the way I was feeling whoever I played with would have their work cut out for them.
I could not wait.
Chapter Five
LAW
