Page 9 of The Red Rider
“We have a fire pit, a vegetable plot, and farm animals in Florida. We also fish and hunt game. Still, no one in Florida has Maria’s gifts in the kitchen. Sorry, Ariel, we have food, but it’s not delicious Mexican food.”
I just shrugged.
“I’m still remembering my past, but I don’t think I’m a picky eater. As long as my belly is full, I’m happy.”
Dice just smirked.
“That’s because you’ve never had gruel. Our food isn’t bad, and it’s pretty fucking amazing when we get to have a base-wide barbeque because the hunters lucked out, or we have to put an animal down. It’s just not Maria. Do you think she would come to Florida with us?”
“Dice,” Leif warned. “Maria is not my personal chef. I’m hoping when we leave, she runs for a bigger political office than she had before and helps with the rebuilding. Just because she happens to be cooking for me now doesn’t mean you can take her to Florida to cook for your grunts.”
“She can be Governor to the grunts! God knows we’ll need someone running a militarized state when this is over.”
“So, do what people did before World War III and dictators. Hold an election. We’re going to have to elect an entirely new government when we get rid of Isaiah.”
Dice popped his toothpick in his mouth.
“That’s Asher’s territory. I just blow shit up.”
That sounded pretty fucking ominous, and that was when it hit me. When we got to Florida, we were going to be letting the Horseman of War experiment on nuclear weapons.
I did not survive all this just to get blow up right before curtain call because Dice cut the wrong wire.
Chapter 6
I
hardly knew Dice, and I had my reservations about being in the entire state of Florida while he was playing with explosives. Still, it just felt fucking awkward to make him sleep on the couch. It would probably feel weird to have him in bed too, but we were all snuggled into bed while Dice snored on the couch. And the Horseman of War could snore.
He also apparently rose with the sun. I didn’t sleep in this time. I woke up when Leif and Aeron did. Dice was already awake and had sent for food. He still didn’t have a shirt on. He had suspenders on again, and this time, they wereSesame Street.It was weird seeing a hulking angel with a red mohawk wearing suspenders with Oscar the Grouch all over them, but I would say this for Dice—he fuckingownedthose Oscar the Grouch suspenders.
As soon as we sat down to eat, he shoved a piece of paper at Leif and another at Aeron.
“See if you can get me everything on that list. How much serum will the device contain? I need to plan.”
“Fifty gallons should be enough for several states if you can rig the bomb correctly.”
“Exactly how many bombs do you have anyway, Dice?” I asked.
Weren’t bombs super scarce? Not even my father had bombs anymore, or he’d used them. How did Dice even have spare bombs lying around? Why was I having this conversation?
“Oh, did they not tell you the real reason the war ended? It’s not because Isaiah and his dictator friends got together and declared peace. That’s just what they want people to think.”
“Does it have anything to do with the toy bombs you have lying around Florida?”
Dice threw back his head and laughed.
“Honey, I’ve got spare bombs all over the world. I went around recruiting entire battalions and squads. I caused a damned mutiny in every area of the military until I had armies all over the world. I set a chain of command, then set up communication. It was beautiful. At the same time, all across the world, we organized a raid and stole all their bombs. I even got the ones the government wants to keep secret. Theyhadto end the war because they didn’t have a single bomb left, and all their soldiers were slowly joining me. They didn’t have anyone left to kill for them.”
Remember when people used to collect sane things like Pokémon? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
“Thank you for keeping that brief,” Aeron said. “He likes to tell that story when he’s drunk, but it’s usually a lot more flowery and long-winded.”
“Hey, I ended World War III and stole all the bombs. I think I’ve earned some bragging rights.”
“Leif made serums to end this, and he doesn’t have a fat head.”
“Hey, youalldeserve bragging rights. How many times have you defeated the Antichrist now? None of us would be here right now if it weren’t for all of you. I’ll tell Asher the same when I meet him,” I said.
