Page 46 of The Red Rider
“That’s the whole point of having a stash! It’s just sad smoking up alone. Everyone knows it’s puff, puff, give. What kind of apocalypse is this that people are hoarding weed? It’s not like the cops are going to bust you because it’s illegal in your state anymore. Can we do that when we rebuild the world? Can we make pot legal everywhere?”
“Baby steps, Ariel. We need to get everything out of this Costco before we worry about you being a pothead.”
“Can I help? How do I figure out if I got angel pockets?”
Ireallywanted the angel pockets. I looked everywhere for uniform pants with pockets for my softball team, so I could pop a stick of gum when an inning started getting long. Newsflash, I couldn’t find themanywhere.If I wanted pockets I could actually put things in, I had to buy men’s pants. Angel pockets could solveeverythingwhen it came to storing shit I didn’t want to carry.
“It’s…I’m not sure how to teach this. You picture a space, then you just reach into it and move something in or out. It’s all about intent. You have to have a firm picture in your head. Can you move your haul back to Dice’s room?”
The angels looked so much cooler when they did this. I’m sure I looked constipated as I focused on the hotel room. The picture was about as straightforward as it was going to get. I grabbed as many tubes of deodorant as I could and thrust my hands out. And…nothing.
“Do I need to say a magic word? I’ve read all the Harry Potter books, and I self-identify as a mage in Dungeons and Dragons.”
“I play as a cleric. If I knew you were into it, I would have searched a house and brought it back to my lab. Dice and Aeron think it’s a nerd game. I think it’s the only game Asher will actually participate in. He’s an assassin.”
“An angel is playing Dungeons and Dragons as an assassin?”
“Asher is a complicated guy. You don’t need a magic word unless it helps you focus. It couldn’t hurt. We all have unique powers, Ariel. I know you are watching us and wondering if you can do everything we can do, but no other angel can do some of the things we can do because they weren’t created like us. Seeing the future is pretty fucking nifty, and none of us can do that. I’d give my left nut to be able to draw the future. Even if you can’t do angel pockets, you’re still pretty fucking powerful.”
“Yeah, but I can’t seem to get some fucking pockets no matter what I do,” I moaned.
Leif gently took the deodorant from me and disappeared it into the hotel.
“You can use ours. What else do you want here?”
“Leif, the medication. That pharmacy is way more important than toiletries.”
“Go grab a shopping cart from up front and load it up with what you want. I’ll move the whole thing to the hotel room.”
“Do you want me to grab you anything?”
“Clean boxers, and if they have any Twizzlers in here, I want some.”
The Horseman of Pestilence created a vaccine and a kill serum. If he wanted clean underwear and some candy, I’d glow my way through this entire store until I found it. It bummed me I didn’t have the whole angel pocket thing, but fuck. We killed Leonard, an extra Bubba, New Jersey had a lot fewer zombies, and we had an entire Costco to bring back to Florida.
Maybe I could make pockets happen in women’s clothing when we rebuilt the world.
Chapter 24
W
e all had jobs now. I was still painting, but Dice was working with the bombs, Leif was in his lab, and Aeron and I were emptying that Costco and ridding New Jersey of zombies. Dice gave both of us some sort of aerosol contraption that shot a grenade of Leif’s serum. Aeron would zap us to New Jersey, and we would shoot it into heavily populated areas, then raid the Costco.
I was in the RV the first time this serum saw a horde of zombies, but now that I was getting to use it, I really appreciated Leif’s genius. It was almost instant. Zombies would start dropping dead and turning black, and it made the air smell like Christmas because of the mistletoe. It was weird that zombie killing serums smelled that fucking good, but I just went with it because it made the Rage Heads nice and dead.
I knew Meremoth was Aeron’s horse, but there was a red horse, a black horse, and a white horse at the Costco warehouse, helping us bring supplies back to Florida. The black horse was Leif’s, the red one belonged to Dice, and the white horse was Asher’s horse. I knew they were angel horses, but I swear, all of them were fucking with me when I tried to help load things in their saddlebags.
They were perfectly still when Aeron approached them, but when it was me, all four of them would stomp their hooves and toss their heads. I’d seen Aeron’s horse in action, and I didn’t want my death to be by horse, even if they were supposed to be on our side.
“Why do all these horses hate me?” I asked as I slid a pack of snacks in the saddlebag and jumped back. “I thought you said your horses were different than chickens?”
“Don’t compare my horse to chickens, Ariel. You make them nervous because you’re afraid of them. If you’d relax, so would they. They are worried your fear is going to get the best of you, and you’ll try to hurt them.”
“I’d never hurt an animal. I didn’t even hurt those evil chickens back in Florida. I just ran. If your horse gets the urge to murder again, I’m running straight the fuck out of this Costco.”
“Would it make you feel better if I told you our horses can tell the good guys from the bad and only kill the bad guys? Have you ever seen Meremoth kill anyone who wasn’t trying to kill us?”
“No, but he killed themwith me on his back.”
