Page 24 of The Red Rider
“I modified it. See? You don’t need to worry about the bombs at all.”
“I’m still worried about the bombs, Dice.”
Dice just lovingly pat all the parts in front of him.
“This is a bomb.”
I recoiled. I hadn’t realized I had been sitting so close to it.
“Relax, Speedy. This girl can’t go explody anymore. I gave her a lobotomy and took out all her mass destruction parts. Now, I just need to give her a little facelift and move some parts around so she can save the world.”
“Your bomb is female?”
“All bombs are female.”
“Okay, that’s just misogynistic.”
“No, hear me out here—bombs end wars. The side with the most always wins. Only bombs and women have the power to stop wars like that.”
“That’s totally not true!”
“Hello, Speedy! Horseman of War here. Before bombs, I ended war with the help of women, even during times women weren’t given positions of power. Men used to like to think they were keeping women barefoot, pregnant, and in their place, but while men were off misbehaving, I was having tea with their wives. They might not want to listen to me, but sometimes, you don’t need to shout loudly to be heard. You need someone trusted to whisper softly. I wish I could still settle wars over tea instead of worrying about bombs. Fewer people ended up dead.”
“That’s actually beautiful in some weird, fucked up way.”
“Do you want to hear more, or do you want to listen to your father have a meltdown?”
“Do it.”
I needed to hear it. All the pep talks in the world weren’t going to prepare me for seeing him again. All the time in the world probably wouldn’t either. I would need as much help as I could get. Dice hit the button on the remote, and the room filled with the sounds of Isaiah’s shouts.
“What do you mean you just left? I told you to get your ass to Florida. These men are ruining everything!”
“The man said he was going to kill the Rage Heads. Isn’t that a good thing?”
“We talked about this, Leonard. We can’t have the Rapture without the Rage Heads. If he destroys the Rage Heads, the Rapture can’t happen. Don’t you want to be called home?”
“Of course, but so many people have died.”
“They were sinners, Leonard. I told you this. The Rage Heads are all sinners. The angels will come and wage war with them. Your job is not done yet. You know what the scriptures say about the Four Horsemen. You know what that man calls himself. You must bring down hellfire on them. Drag as many Rage Heads as you can to their gates and end them!”
“Yes, sir. They must repent or die.”
“Remember what I said. Drive straight through any gate or wall you see. If you find a girl with pink hair in the chaos, you steal a car and bring her back here.”
“Isn’t she a sinner, too, if she’s with them?”
“She’s the worst kind of sinner, but she’s the key to this. I can’t have her running around free if she’s there with them. Bring her to me if she’s there.”
“I could use some backup.”
“I’ll send one of the Bubbas with you. He’ll be armed and can cover you when you need to refuel. Try not to piss him off. He’s a little ornery.”
“Yes, sir. Thank you.”
The line must have disconnected because Leonard stopped talking. I heard my father let out a belly roar and the sounds of things crashing around the room. Dice pressed a button, and music filled the castle again.
“Did you want to keep listening to his tantrum?”
