Page 12 of The Red Rider
Aeron just rolled his eyes.
“Porn doesn’t exist anymore. ReadBlood Feud.Leif has a copy and it’s pretty graphically illustrated and I think all of us she got to read it enjoyed it.”
Dice just stretched.
“I can’t believe we’ve regressed to illustrated porn.”
“It’snotporn. It has a plot.”
“I thinkyou’relooking at the wrong porn, Speedy. All the good porn has a plot.”
“Blood Feudis not porn! I’ll bet you’re going to tell me you think romance novels are lady porn because you’re a misogynist fuck.”
Aeron and Dice were laughing at me. Dice leaned his elbows on his knees and winked at me.
“I went through myTeam Jacobperiod. Edward is just a creepy, controlling man child.”
I started choking on my water. Aeron pounded me on the back.
“The fucking Horseman of War readTwilight?”
Aeron groaned.
“He requested special trips to Earth to watch the movies. Dice loves his lady porn.”
“Some of us are in touch with our romantic sides and don’t quote Bruce Willis to get laid.”
Aeron wrapped his enormous arm around my shoulder.
“Bruce hasn’t failed me yet.”
Were they getting along now? The tension in Aeron’s body had left and he wasn’t glowering at Leif anymore. You couldn’t cut the air in the room with a knife right now. That’s what I loved aboutBlood Feud.Polyamorous vampire assassins just had the power to bring people together. It could even calm a grumpy, jealous angel. Wait a minute.
“Doesn’t Heaven look down on you watching porn?”
“Only humans are so interested in what goes on in other people’s bedrooms, Ariel,” Dice said. “Rape is a crime and a sin, but there’s not some peeping angel out there making a list of all the kinky shit you do behind closed doors to throw it in your face as a reason not to let you in. As long as everything is consensual, Heaven isn’t really into kink shaming, despite what humans would have everyone think.”
“That’s so different than everything I’ve ever thought. I never thought I’d meet angels, but I wouldn’t have expected them to be anything like the three of you.”
Dice and Aeron were both beaming at me like telling them they weren’t like how they had been portrayed to all of humanity was a compliment. I mean, they swore, Aeron and I stole, and I’d had sex with Leif and Aeron. That didn’t fit any image of angels I’d ever read about in my entire life. I certainly pictured them in long flowing white robes and not crazy suspenders.
“Some of the angels who never leave Heaven have that whole insufferably pure thing going on and they look down on us that enjoy Earthly pleasures. As far as they are concerned, they never want to come here and Heaven’s version of the arts is by far superior.”
“You mean it’s not?”
Dice and Aeron were totally not fighting anymore. Now, I was seeing what Leif meant about them feeding off each other because they were acting like the best of friends now bad mouthing the other angels.
“Would you want to experience music, books, and cinema written by angels who have never experienced a hard day in their entire life? They haven’t even had to deal with shitty weather. It’s like having a fourteen-year-old sheltered child who lives a blessed life and has never even seen the news trying to write real world conflict,” Aeron said. “It’s more like watchingTeletubbiesand less likeDie Hard.”
I felt my entire soul retreat up my asshole and my body involuntarily shuddered.
“Don’t even mentionTeletubbies.I fell asleep in front of the TV and woke up to that on. It was pretty much the most horrifying thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I’ve bashed the heads in on zombie corpses and those Teletubbies are still scarier.”
“Okay, Speedy. Fess up. Truth or Dare. Who is scarier? Isaiah or that talking baby sun?” Dice said.
“What if I wanted to pick dare?”
“Then I dare you to answer that question.”
