Page 93 of The Duchess in His Bed
A week had passed since she’d seen Aiden, a week in which loneliness had been a constant companion, in spite of her sisters’ presence. She slept with her arms folded around the pillow that carried his scent, but the fragrance was fading with each breath she inhaled. A time would come when the only aspect of him that remained in her life was the child presently growing in her belly. She would forever be grateful for that gift. Still, she missed Aiden with an ache that hurt her chest.
She glanced over at Alice. “I’d have thought you’d have finished reading that book by now.”
With a Cheshire cat–like smile, Alice lifted her head and looked at her. “Oh I have. I’m simply reading it again. Would you like to borrow it?”
She’d already experienced the character Alice’s adventure of stepping into a world so very different from her own. Slowly, she shook her head. “No, thank you.”
Alice’s brow furrowed slightly. “It’s odd but you seem sadder of late, sadder than you were when Lushing first passed away.”
“I suppose it’s just the reality hitting home.”
“The reality that you’re not with child?”
She had yet to tell her sisters, to tell anyone, of her condition. Once she did, once she credited this child with being Lushing’s—
Why was it so hard to move forward, to carry through with the plans? She wished she could talk with Lushing, although he would no doubt suggest they get Kit’s opinion on the matter. Perhaps she should speak with him. Surely, he would know if Lushing would hate her for the deception. “I’m not yet certain of my state.”
Alice closed her book. “Have you had your menses since Lushing passed?”
“It could be melancholy preventing it.” Only it wasn’t.
“Perhaps you should visit a physician.”
Her sister’s voice was laced with true concern. Selena should put an end to her worry, to all their worries, by telling them a babe was on the way. But the words simply knotted in her throat, would not spill forth. Although when Winslow had visited several nights ago and asked if she were with child, she hadn’t denied it, had simply asked him to hold his tongue for a while longer.
“Why? The sooner word spreads, the more likely people will believe it’s Lushing’s,” he’d told her.
So she couldn’t be sure he wasn’t already whispering about her condition around Town. Which was no doubt the best way for it to be spread: in whispers. No woman would be indelicate enough to blurt out she was with child.
“I’ll visit one next week,” she told Alice now. “After that, perhaps we’ll return to Sheffield Hall.” No point in staying in London where her sisters would be aware of all the social events they were missing out on.
Alice scooted up to the edge of her chair. “We need to do something to brighten your day. Let’s go to Fancy’s bookshop. I’ve been dying to see it now that it’s open.”
“Sweeting, I’m still in mourning.”
“We all are. It’s the reason we’re dressed like crows, but it’s doubtful we’ll run into anyone we know there, and we can make it a somber excursion. We’ll only look at books that deal with death or war or murder.”
Alice’s enthusiasm made her smile, although Selena had no desire to read books about murder since she’d nearly witnessed one firsthand. Although she wasn’t presently involved in the social scene, she did occasionally get a visitor. It seemed there were no rumors going about regarding the Earl of Elverton’s attempt to poison his wife. Her visitors did mention his unfortunate turn in health and the dedication of the countess in caring for him. One lady had admitted to seeing her waltzing at the Elysium. Selena was happy for the countess, hoped the gents at the club spoiled her with their attention. “I suppose a tranquil outing isn’t uncalled for.”
Alice popped up out of her seat. “I’ll let the others know.”
While she dashed off to tell Connie and Flo, Selena went upstairs to retrieve her veiled bonnet. Yes, getting out of here would do her some good.
After pinning her hat in place, she picked up her reticule, surprised by the weight of it. Then she remembered the key to Aiden’s chambers was still in her possession. She was torn between giving it back to him and placing it in her jewelry box to be looked at occasionally, a reminder of a time in her life during which she’d been remarkably happy.
But it was not hers to keep. While she could package it up and have it sent to him, she decided she wanted to deliver it personally, along with a small gift. After lying to her sisters once more by telling them she’d suddenly come down with a megrim and sending them on their way without her, she headed out to the shops.
That evening after the girls were abed, she donned her blue gown and mask, finding comfort in the familiarity of it. A peace that had been elusive settled over her as the coach carried her to the Elysium Club. Her nerves had been frayed that first night, until she’d seen him, and then it had rather felt as though her heart had come home.
A silly thought, but then with him, she’d always felt truly revealed and understood—even when she’d held secrets from him. And when those had been uncovered, still he hadn’t turned her away. She wasn’t certain anyone had ever accepted her as he did, foibles and all.
When the carriage came to a stop in front of the club and the driver handed her down, she instructed him to wait where he was because she wouldn’t be but a minute.
Then she strolled into the foyer, striving not to remember how her heart would always give a small hitch of anticipation at the prospect of seeing him whenever she walked through the door. She stopped at the counter where normally she handed her wrap off to Angie. “Don’t send word to him that I’m here.”
Angie blinked with confusion, her brow furrowing. “As you wish.”
Selena made her way to the stairs, climbing them for what would be the very last time. Her body didn’t seem to know what her mind realized because it began growing warm as though heated by a sensual flush. Yearning swept through her. The desire she’d always longed for was now a burden, but still she regretted not a single touch, not a single moment that had taught her about the fire that could truly burn between a man and a woman.
