Page 37 of The Duchess in His Bed
“If I’d said yes to Lushing, we’d have stayed in the city.”
“But now you needed the wealthy duke more than ever.”
“He arrived at the estate without my sending for him. My brother had stayed in London. I sent word to him about what had happened, so I suppose he told others before he returned home. Hours after he arrived, there was Lushing. Winslow was only nineteen, completely unprepared to take on the mantle of the earldom. Lushing saw to everything without being asked. He made all the funeral arrangements, spoke with the solicitor, the vicar, and the undertaker. I’d given him cause to doubt my devotion, yet he became my rock. My fondness for him grew. I told him if he was willing to wait until my mourning period was over, I would marry him. He waited. The following May, one year to the day after my parents died, we were wed.”
“It sounds as though he was a good bloke.”
Another tiny laugh from her. “I don’t know if Lushing has ever been referred to as a ‘bloke’ but yes, there was much goodness in him.” She turned her attention back to the grave. “He certainly deserved better than a wife who would go to your club three nights after he passed. I don’t know what I was thinking, what possessed me to do such a thing.”
He was ever so glad she had, and didn’t want her regretting her decision or avoiding the club in the future. “Who is there for you at night?”
“My sisters. Lushing didn’t object to their living with us. His residences were so much more organized, and I was quite skilled at managing them. It’s what I’d been trained to do. Winslow, as a bachelor, is rubbish at caring for the girls. He was especially so when he was only twenty. I like having them about, but they retire by nine, and then the house becomes so quiet.”
“So you came to the Elysium in search of comfort as much as anything.” Not just the sex as she’d initially indicated.
“You might have the right of it. While for Lushing and myself the act itself was never... might have been lacking, afterward provided me with some of my favorite memories. He would simply hold me, and we would speak in low voices about nonsensical matters: dreams we’d held as children, disappointments, moments that filled us with happiness. We’d recount our favorite aspects of journeys we’d taken, and we’d plan where we’d go next. He wouldn’t stay long. Half an hour or so. But I always felt we shared more intimacy during those minutes than at any other time. I was always bereft when he left, but never found the courage to ask him to stay. Marriage is an odd thing, Mr. Trewlove.”
“Based on what you’ve revealed, I don’t think he would have found fault with you seeking solace away from the residence.”
“I hope you’re right. I never wanted him to find me disappointing.” She glanced up, sighed. “I pray he’s at peace.”
“Is there a reason he shouldn’t be?”
She shook her head slowly, wistfully. “As you deduced, he was a good man, well liked. The residence was packed with mourners this afternoon. Yet all I wanted was to be alone.”
“Shall I walk away for a bit?”
Shifting slightly, she faced him. “No. Why is it that I draw such comfort from you, a man I’ve known for only a couple of days, and found little with those I’ve known for ages?”
“Perhaps because we have no history to muddy the waters.”
“It’s more than that. I can’t explain it. From the first moment I spied you, it was as though something within me recognized a kindred spirit.” Her laugh was brief but mocking, slicing into the air that was beginning to gray with fog. “Yet, we couldn’t be more different.”
He didn’t put much stock in fanciful things like love at first sight but had to admit he was drawn to her, had been from the moment he’d spotted her entering his establishment, without even knowing precisely what she looked like or who she was. Reaching out, he stroked his finger along the length of her face before cupping her chin. He couldn’t deny something burned between them, but she had the right of it. They were far too different for anything to come of it, other than a jolly good time.
“The fog is thickening. We can’t have you getting damp, catching a chill.”
“No, of course not. Thank you for coming with me.”
“I’m available anytime you need me.” The words were out before he considered the implication of them. Yet, he also realized they held truth, for now anyway. Until they parted ways, for surely a parting would come. His businesses were not the sort in which a wife would take pride or children would boast. Why the bloody hell were thoughts of family rushing through his head? Two of his brothers might have chosen marriage, but it was not for him. Too confining in its demands that one act in a respectable manner.
Impatient with himself and the path his thoughts traveled, he pushed himself to his feet and then gently brought her up from her kneeling position. With the lantern in one hand, he placed the other on the small of her back and began guiding her out of a place that he’d at first found peaceful and now found unsettling. Death had a way of making a person think about life, about the manner in which one applied himself to the hours that he was granted breath. He was not now going to begin wishing a different road stretched out before him. As much as he hated to admit it, he was his father’s son, had always been so. At his core, his needs ruled.
In the carriage, he sat beside her, his hand wrapped protectively around hers as it rested on his thigh. Such an intimate positioning, yet Selena hadn’t objected when he’d placed it there. Nor had she protested when he informed her driver that he was to deliver her to the residence and Aiden would make his own way back to his club after he’d seen her safely inside. He knew who she was. What did it matter that he discovered where she lived? He could ask around and learn where the Duke of Lushing resided when in London. She was rather certain Aiden understood boundaries existed for them, and he would not cross over them to call upon her at her residence. Their association was to be limited to the night shadows, their encounters to be initiated by her appearing at his club. She didn’t need to spell that out—and if she discovered she did, then she most certainly would.
She needed to remain in charge of this relationship—except for the moments when he was in control and bringing her pleasure.
She drew comfort from his silence, from his not having a need to fill the confines with the deepness of his voice. He could convey so much with a mere touch, with little more than his presence. In spite of the manner in which he’d shattered her world the night before, he’d effectively pieced it all back together tonight.
“Why gambling hells?” she eventually asked. “I know you enjoy numbers and figuring odds, but surely more thought than that went into the businesses you decided to open.”
“There is a good deal of wealth to be made in vice. And it can be made quickly. I wanted to put myself in a position where my achievements were impressive enough that I could lord them over my sire.”
She was surprised he’d mentioned his father after claiming to never speak of him, but then, it seemed a night for sharing revelations. “He knows of your successes?”
“I make sure he does. I want him to be aware that I am a man to be reckoned with. Within my world I have more power than he has within his.”
“Who is he?” she asked, hoping this time he might tell her. It would be nice to know the bloodline her child would inherit, if she were to get pregnant.
