Page 100 of Beyond Scandal and Desire
She smiled knowingly. “Women never are when they’re in love.”
“I suppose not.”
“Poor Kip. To discover he has a brother. And my poor Hedley. The guilt he has suffered all these years for taking the boy away. He did it for me. Perhaps if I had looked at the babe, held him, I might have discerned the truth.” Once more, the window drew her attention. “But all I wanted was to forget.”
He wasn’t a bastard. He’d been born to be duke. Not a street urchin, not a dustbin boy. Those thoughts kept running through his mind, as he stood in the library, Hedley’s vow to see his birthright restored still echoing between the walls. He should have felt empowered. Instead, for some unfathomable reason, he felt less, unmoored, a ship lost at sea in the midst of a tempest. His entire life, every action he’d ever taken, had been fueled by the anger over the circumstances of his birth. The anger was still there, but now it was directed at Fate and its cruelty.
He imagined the duchess as a young woman, younger than Aslyn, as young as Fancy, being forced upon and the man who loved her striving to lessen her anguish. And all the while a child growing within her to serve as a reminder—at least in her mind—of the horror that had transpired.
Infanticide was not uncommon. Even legitimate children were often unwanted, snuffed out. Society was finally beginning to take notice. Parliament was enacting laws to protect infants and bastards. But thirty years ago, bastards died and no one wept.
He’d been spared because Ettie Trewlove had lost her own children to typhus and had thought it a punishment from God. He’d forgiven her for her past. How could he not forgive the duke and duchess?
The duke tossed back what remained of his scotch, cleared his throat, met and held Mick’s gaze. “You are my legitimate heir, and now that we are aware of that truth, we must determine how best to proceed in order to make things right. I can compose a letter to be printed in theTimes, speak with my peers—”
“And tell them what?”
“I shall declare you as my legitimate heir.”
“How will you explain my sudden appearance, or more importantly my disappearance years ago? I assume you announced then that I’d not survived my birth.”
“We never let it be known she was with child. Only Bella, I and a few trusted servants knew of the situation.”
“So you must also explain a child no one knew was expected, and you can’t do that without revealing the truth and the shame that goes along with it, for you and your wife. She was raped. It is not something about which people speak. And they certainly don’t announce it in theTimes. If you do so, it will merely make her and you relive what you have struggled for years to forget.”
“Your rightful place—”
“Is exactly where I am. I didn’t want you to acknowledge me because I wanted your titles, lands, or properties. I wanted you to recognize me and explain why you cast me aside. You have done that. To be honest, in similar circumstances, to protect the woman I loved, I might have done the same.”
“Andtherestands the man with whom I fell in love.”
Turning slowly, he faced the door where Aslyn waited. In her eyes he could see that there also stood the man who had broken her heart. If he could do it over again, he’d have stopped his quest the moment he met her. “Can you spare me a few minutes in the gardens?”
She looked to the duke, to Kipwick, back to him. “A few.”
He followed her into the hallway, down a long corridor, through a door and into the dimming sunlight. Most of the day had passed, and yet it seemed like he’d been here years already. They stepped onto a path filled with an abundance of flowers. He wondered if he took the time to sniff each bloom if he would find a gardenia.
He didn’t offer his arm; he doubted she would take it. Like Hedley earlier, he hardly knew where to begin.
She wasn’t only physically separated from him but mentally, as well. There was a wall between them that hadn’t existed before, and he hadn’t a clue how best to knock it down. Not reassuring for a man who had made a good deal of his fortune tearing down walls.
“She wants to see you,” Aslyn said quietly.
She. The duchess. The woman whose body had nurtured him, brought him into the world. He shook his head. “I am but a reminder of a past best forgotten, unfortunate decisions made.”
“She never forgot you. You were always there. For the duke, as well.”
“Everything I always thought I knew about myself has been shattered. I spent years imagining what my mother might have been like. Not once did I imagine her a duchess. I concocted a slew of reasons for why I was delivered into Ettie Trewlove’s arms. Not once did I ever consider what I learned today.”
“Why would you? I grew up in their household, and the duchess never revealed by word or deed that she’d been violated. It is not something about which people speak. I knew only that she was wary of the world beyond Hedley Hall and overly protective where I was concerned. Now I know the reasons. Neither of us can alter the past, but we can ensure it doesn’t influence the future.”
“It always influences the future. I was intent on destroying them, Aslyn.”
“And me.”
Stepping in front of her, he stopped walking. “No, never you.”
“Never?”
