Page 70 of Changelings
The axe swung over his head, his thick arms bulging as he wielded the blade. Down it came, sinking into the wood and splitting the log in half.
As the halves fell away, Balar looked up. Golden brows arching, he said, “Hello,urisá.Is everything all right? You shouldn’t be out in the cold.”
Imogen shook her head—but quickly realized she couldn’t stop.
Balar’s expression grew worried, and he set the axe down to come stand before her. Grasping her by the shoulders, he studied her expression—as much as he could as she continued shaking her head.
To her horror, not only did the words come—allthe words came. One after the other, in a relentless cascade.
“I’m no good at this, I don’t know what to say or how to ask you. I don’t know how to do any of it, I never thought I’d get the chance. I didn’t think—not until you came.”
His look of concern only deepening, Balar asked, “Think what, Imogen?”
“That I could fall in love. That I could love anyone as much as I love you.”
Balar’s ears fell flat against his head, and his eyes grew wide, but Imogen didn’t let him speak.
“I do, I love you, Balar. I know I’m not friendly. I’m not like you at all. But when I’m with you, everything feels…better. I never thought something like this would happen to me. I’ve tried to push you away. But you didn’t give up—you haven’t given upon me.”
“Never, Imogen. I never will,” he murmured, his voice deep and thick.
Pitter-patterwent her heart. Hearing him say it gave her a little more courage.
“I want you to stay. With me. Not as a caretaker but as…kigara.” Her hands and lips tingled to see how the word affected him, his broad shoulders trembling. “I want to learn what it means to bekigarato you. I want to stay with you, too. But you have to want that, still.”
A frown touched his brow, and Imogen sympathized—she’d almost gotten lost in her own speech, too.
“Why wouldn’t I want that?” he asked.
Imogen shrugged helplessly. “You’ve seemed…distant these past weeks. I know taking care of everything was a burden. I’m better now, I can help and carry my own weight. You don’t have to worry so much.”
Cursing under his breath, Balar gathered her hands in his, squeezing them tight. “Forgive me,urisá, I didn’t mean to confuse or trouble you. You’renota burden. Taking care of you has been my honor.”
“But—”
He shook his maned head. “Please, listen. I admit, I’ve been troubled. I’ve struggled with this anger that I couldn’t put into words.”
Swallowing hard, Imogen laid a hand against his warm chest. Beneath her palm, she could feel how his heart thudded.
“You can tell me anything.”
“It’s difficult to say, for I haven’t wanted to upset you. But…” He sighed. “Seeing you hurt terrified me. So did the thought that if I hadn’t come when I did, you might have suffered more. Even…” Balar shook his head again, as if shaking away the thought. “In my fear, an anger grew alongside it. At you. Thatyou’d gotten hurt, that you’d isolated yourself so. That you’d sent me away.”
“Balar, I…”
“No,urisá, don’t worry or apologize. It’s my anger and burden to bear. It’s not rational or fair. You’ve lived your life and made your decisions. I respect that. It’s just…the thought of losing you, of you suffering here alone—it eats at me.”
Oh. Imogen pressed her hand more firmly into his chest. He’d been afraid for her.
“But you found me. You came back,” she whispered.
“Of course, I did. You arekigara. Nothing will change that.”
“I’m sorry for how I reacted that morning. I haven’t been…everything is so new. I haven’t been touched like that before, and it…” Imogen’s blush could’ve melted snow with its heat. “I didn’t know what to do. I was embarrassed.”
“Then we will go at your pace,urisá. As much or little as you want. Just don’t send me away again. Let me stay by your side.”
“Only if I get to stay by yours.”
