Page 47 of Changelings
Imogen gasped when his hand slid around to grab one cheek of her backside. He squeezed, groaning gratuitously. “So soft,” he purred.
Another sound, closer to a whimper now, escaped her lips. She caught his wrist in her grip—only for his other hand to slide up to cup her waist. His thumb rubbed patterns against her ribs, edging ever closer to the underside of her breast.
In a moment, he’d touch her there, too. When she dared look down at him, she saw the hazy, almost drunken lust in his eyes. His attention was riveted to where his hand spanned her side, and somehow, Imogen knew in that moment, in the next, he’d take her breast in his mouth through her nightclothes.
Her body throbbed with need and alarm.
He can’t mean to—I want—wait wait wait—
“Too much!”
Using what strength she still had, she pushed back, away from him. His hands were still on her, she still stood between his knees, but at least there was now a breath of distance between them.
Cool air rushed to fill the void she’d made.
So too did his agitated rumble. “Kigara,” he said, almost a warning, his predator’s pupils narrowing to slits.
“I don’t—I’m not—”ready, prepared, brave enough“—I can’t.”
She pushed back that last distance, breaking his hold. Stumbling away, Imogen caught herself against the tall bureau she used to keep spare pots, pans, and dishes.
A beat of cool silence descended between them, one that made Imogen nauseous. How could she feel both safer and likeshe’d ruined everything?
Balar’s nostrils flared as he took a long breath. Scrubbing a paw over his face, he sighed, “Forgive me,kigara, I got carried away.”
She could hear and see his regret, knew that should have been enough, but her panic wasn’t rational. Imogen wanted to feel safe again, safe in her own space. She wanted the world to stop spinning and the earth to stop giving way under her feet. She wanted to know who she was again and not dislike what she found. She wanted—
“I think you should go.”
His ears snapped back to lay flat against his head. His wings and tail, which had been swaying and twitching behind him, came to stand perfectly still.
“What?”
With a hand over her racing heart, Imogen felt as well as heard herself say, “I’m sorry, this is just all…too much.”
Balar leaned forward, lifting his hands in placation. “Don’t be sorry, it is me who’s sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Standing, he made as though to move closer to her, to soothe her, but she pushed herself further into the corner. Making an unhappy keen in his throat, Balar begged, “Please,urisá,please don’t be frightened of me. Don’t send me away.”
Imogen only dared to look at his face for a moment. It was all she could bear. The desolate anguish she found there nearly had her in tears.
She shook her head, forcing the words out. “It’s not…goodbye. I just…need some space and time. I’m…this is…” Words failed her. How did she tell him she was scared out of her mind? That she didn’t want to be this way, a scared little girl afraid of being hurt but more afraid of taking the chance?
Better to send him away before he leaves me.
But she wasn’t sending him away.Not for good,she toldherself. She just…needed to get her bearings. Tothink. She couldn’t do that with him taking up all the air and room. Imogen needed her equilibrium back.
It was after a painful handful of moments, when Balar realized that she would say nothing more, that the breath rushed out of him in a mournful exhale. His wings drooped as he nodded, his hands falling to his sides.
“All right, Imogen, all right. I’ll go. Just…promise me you’ll be safe.”
She nodded, not daring to meet his gaze.
“Then I’ll return in a few days, yes? And you’ll tell me all about what you and the goats have been up to, and I will…”
Imogen’s insides squirmed and clenched hearing how his words petered out. She’d never heard him lost for words before. She dared a glance up at his face, only to find he wasn’t looking at her but the ground.
The sudden desire to touch him, hold him, assure him, sparked in her belly.
But no. It was too late for that.
