Page 4 of Play Hard
“Are you?” Noah snapped back, the vulnerability in his tone from just moments ago, gone. “Or do you get off running hot and cold with me?”
Narrowing my gaze, I took a step closer to him because what I was about to say was for his ears only. “Don’t go there with me,” I said. “Don’t ever go there with me again. Is that cold enough?”
I hoped and prayed it was because what happened in that elevator could never happen again. Whatever that connection was between us back there had to remain in the past. I knew that now more than ever.
“Are you two cool?” the firefighter asked. “Anybody need a paramedic?”
“We’re good,” Noah replied without taking his eyes off me. “Thanks for taking your sweet time coming to get us, Timmy.”
Timmy the firefighter chuckled. “You’re welcome, and you owe me a beer. I’ll be collecting later tonight.”
“Whatever, man,” Noah said.
He stood now with his legs slightly parted. He dragged a hand down the lower half of his face, the low, precisely-cut beard that had filled in nicely. In college, he had a goatee that I loved,but the beard was sexy as hell, too. The version of Noah I’d loved with every ounce of my being was a handsome guy enrolled in the general studies curriculum because he hadn’t decided what he wanted to be when he grew up. This new version stood like he knew exactly who he was, how damn good he looked, and that he could have anything he wanted.
Unless what he wanted was me. And, for real, I wasn’t totally sure that was true. He accused me of going hot and cold, but he was pretty good at doing the same damn thing.
“Goodbye, Noah,” I said so softly it was almost like I didn’t really want him to hear it.
Like I didn’t actually want him to go. Again.
But that was foolish. Every second of this impromptu reunion was foolish. I wasn’t back in Providence for this. No, I had a whole other weight on my shoulders these days, one that being in Noah’s presence was only going to make worse. So, I turned away. I put one foot in front of another, decisively and reluctantly at the same damn time.
“It amazed me how easily you could walk away before,” he said from too close behind me.
Why the hell was he following me? Last time, he’d walked out that door and hadn’t looked back. Why wasn’t he doing the same now?
It didn’t matter. None of this did. It was the past. My future, my job, the lifestyle I’d been carefully cultivating was the present. It was the priority. So I kept walking until I made it to the front doors of the municipal building. I pushed the glass door open and stepped out into the warm mid-May afternoon.
“Amazed me and pissed me the fuck off,” he said, obviously coming out of the same door behind me.
If I let myself, I would feel him there. Feel his massive presence not only in his six-foot, two-inch stature, easily two hundred plus pounds, and scowling sexy ass face, but also inthe memories he carried with him. The weight of disregarded possibilities and mix-matched personalities.
I whirled around to face him, ire, regret, and purpose on overload. “What do you want me to say?” I asked. “What? That I was wrong? I’m sorry? I hate you?”
His head jerked back as if I’d slapped him, then he pushed both hands into the front pockets of his jeans.
“Wow,” he said. “You hate me?” He nodded. “That didn’t feel like hate in the elevator.”
“No. It didn’t,” I admitted. “That was impossibility.” Tears stung my eyes, and I immediately looked away. “For the record,” I said, my voice shakier than I wanted it to be. So, I cleared it. I squared my shoulders and brought my gaze back to him.
I could do this. I could look Noah in his eyes and tell him exactly what I was feeling right now. I could be totally honest in a way I’d failed to be before.
“I don’t hate you,” I said, leaving out the basic truth that a part of me would always love him. “But I’m not here to do this with you again.”
“Why are you here, Serra?” he asked. “Why, of all the places in the world for you to pop up, would it be here, in my hometown?”
“My grandfather’s hometown,” I replied, unfairly annoyed that he hadn’t remembered. “I’m here visiting my grandfather.” Another partial truth when I’d been so certain I could be honest with him now.
He nodded slowly. “Yeah, that’s right. Crabtree’s your grandfather.” The chuckle that came from him was dry. “Okay. That makes sense.”
“I honestly didn’t expect to see you,” I said. “This pollen has been terrible for him. He was congested and miserable this morning, so I told him I’d run a few of his errands for himtoday.” I shrugged because in the midst of the chaos my life had been thrust into, my Pop Pop would always be a priority.
“Yeah, I’m not usually over on this side of town either but I had some business to handle.” Sighing, he looked away.
“I’ll stay out of your way. I know this is a small town, but we don’t have to see each other. But if we do…” I paused, swallowed, and waited until his gaze returned to me. “If we do, we can be cordial.” I wouldn’t dare say we could be friends because I knew that wasn’t possible.
The reaction between us on that elevator proved a platonic friendship wasn’t possible. It was all or nothing with us, always had been.
