Page 20 of Give Me More
He gave her a “don’t be ridiculous” look and headed out of the room. They walked along the property in silence and minutes later, when they arrived at the front of her building, she turned to him.
“We can do this here,” she said, and he looked at her quizzically.
His thoughts had been all over the place as they’d walked. Reminiscing on their time together, searching for when and where it could’ve gone wrong, just as he’d done for weeks after she’d first left him. This current effort was just as futile as the others, because he still had no clue what had happened between them. And yes, he could’ve just asked the question and let her tell him, but there was a very real part of him that wanted her to trust him enough to open up to him. She hadn’t before so it was probably foolish to want that now, but he did.
“We can do what here?” he asked.
“Say good-night,” she said with a shrug. “I mean, we don’t have to feel like it’s that uncomfortable moment of a first date.”
That wasn’t how he felt at all. He was so beyond the nervous expectation of a first date with Grace, but he was also tired of the emotional back-and-forth tonight had brought.
“Well then, good night,” he said.
“Good night, RJ,” she whispered.
And neither of them moved.
Their gazes remained locked as he inhaled the tropical air mixed with the scent of chlorine they both carried from their time in the pool. A light breeze blew, lifting the ends of her hair, sending a few strands into her face. She tucked them behind one ear.
She stepped close to him then, coming up on the tips of her toes to kiss him lightly on the lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He wrapped one arm around her waist and held her close, kissing her again, dipping his tongue into her mouth to tangle with hers. There’d been no consideration of making this move, no weighing options, just the persistent need to act. A need he suspected he was going to feel for the rest of their time on this island. With that resolution, he finally broke the kiss, said, “See you tomorrow, Gracie,” and walked away.
CHAPTER TEN
SHE’DHADSEXwith RJ. The man she’d once loved with all her heart.
Standing beneath the shower spray at just after nine the next morning, she let that resonate in her mind. The physical act had already taken its toll on her body, leaving her limbs languid and relaxed, her lips still tingling from all the hungry kisses, a dull ache deep in her center as she anticipated it happening again.
There’d never been any issues for her and RJ when it came to the physical. She could safely say that remained true. Another truth glaring in the forefront of her mind was anxiety. The spikes of uncertainty that had barreled into her with a rampage when RJ had proposed years ago.
Marry me, Gracie.That’s what he’d said that night at the restaurant. He came around to her side of the table, went down on one knee and opened that lovely blue box.
She’d looked into his face, familiar with his every expression, and noted the hope and love filling his smile. If she’d said yes, that smile would’ve grown bigger, excitement lighting his eyes. He would’ve hugged her close before putting the ring on her finger and whispering how much he loved her. And she would’ve whispered how much she loved him back. If she hadn’t felt as if her chest would explode from the assault of questions and concerns that assailed her in those moments.
“No.” The softly spoken word had come quick. It was knee-jerk and for days afterward she’d wished she could take it back, say it in a different way, something. Anything to erase the broken and rejected look that instantly followed on his face. That memory had been more painful than anything she’d ever experienced.
He hadn’t spoken after her reply and she couldn’t find the words to follow up that solemn answer. He wanted to know why; she could tell by the way his eyes continued to search her, silently begging for explanation. She had words. Her career was based on finding the right words to present the best story. So of course she knew the words to say. Yet she hadn’t said them. Would he have believed her? Would he have thought she was out of her mind, afraid, a coward?
No matter how many words she’d thought she had, no explanation had come that night. Instead, she’d stood, grabbed her purse and walked away.
With a heavy sigh at the memory, Grace dropped her head, letting the warm water trickle down her back. Tears stung her eyes as regret lodged in her throat.
What if she’d had the guts to explain to him that night? What if he’d said, “I still love you and want to be with you, Gracie”? What if she’d made a big mistake walking away?
And why did any of that matter now? It was years ago, water under the bridge, a closed chapter of their past. Except everything that did and didn’t happen that night stood between them each time they were together now. Even last night as they’d enjoyed each other physically, the questions had been there. The what-ifs and whys lingering in the air around them.
What if she’d just said yes? Would they have children by now? Probably. And would she have failed at both motherhood and being a wife by now?
That had always been the deeper issue, even beyond her desire to stand firm in her career. That niggling doubt that had lived with her every second of her life as the youngest sister, the baby of the family, the one with all those big shoes ahead of her to fill. The one who’d failed at filling those big shoes so many times before. Sure, she’d only been eight when her teacher had made a comment about Grace not reading at the same level as Trinity had when she’d been in that class. And she’d only been fifteen with short arms and legs when she’d been cut from the high school majorette squad that each of her sisters had been on. But by the time she’d entered college and decided on a career in journalism—only to have her mother scoff as if that were nothing compared to being a scholar or any of the occupations her sisters had chosen—the seeds of doubt had been firmly planted in her mind. She’d decided then that she’d prove herself to them by succeeding in her career no matter what.
Not that any of that made a difference now. Grace didn’t have any more answers today than she had ten years ago. And because that was a hard truth to face, she did what she always did—pushed it aside.
An hour later, when she was dressed in blue shorts, a white T-shirt and white sandals, Grace walked into the café where she, Nina and Desta had planned to meet. She’d styled her hair in a simple ponytail and packed a notepad, pens and her tablet into her bag. As she was the first to arrive, she grabbed a table near the window and ordered a cup of coffee and another one of those great doughnuts RJ had brought her yesterday. She checked her phone while she waited, reading text messages from her sisters’ group chat. Hope wanted to know what they thought about a fall wedding and Charity announced that Skye, her oldest daughter, had lost one of her front teeth. The picture of her niece missing that one tooth made Grace smile. She hadn’t been home since her mother’s birthday celebration in March, and she missed seeing her family. The immediate longing to be with them now had to be spurred by what had happened between her and RJ last night and all the thoughts it brought to mind this morning. Thoughts of what might’ve been if she hadn’t turned down RJ’s proposal.
“Hey, what’re you in such deep thought about?” Nina asked when she appeared. She pulled out the chair across from Grace and took a seat.
Nina was absolutely lovely, with her cinnamon-hued complexion and alluring curves in the hot pink romper she wore.
