Page 56 of Courting the Duchess
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An hour later,Alaina descended the steps of the Home and ducked into the Morton carriage awaiting her. She gave the driver instructions to take her to Lady Juliette’s townhouse—it was on her way back to Mayfair and she wasn’t quite ready to chance a meeting with her husband just yet.
The tears which had threatened her since that morning reemerged with a vengeance. She had managed to sink into a pool of numbness and shock following the abrupt turn her marriage had taken, but that tactic was quickly wearing thin. She focused on taking slow, even breaths as they clattered across the bridge toward Westminster. Her foot tapped restlessly, and she tried not to contemplate how she’d been betrayed again…how bloody foolish she’d been to believe Sterling could be the man who could enrich her life rather than hinder it. She didn’tneeda husband to feel fulfilled—the last eight years had proven that time and time again—but it had been so nice, for however brief a time, to feel like she didn’t have to handle everything on her own.
She was so lost in her thoughts and trying to keep her composure that she hadn’t realized they’d arrived at her friend’s home until a footman opened the door and reached inside to offer her his hand. Before she knew it, Alaina was shown into the sitting room by the housekeeper, where she promptly fell into Lady Juliette’s arms and allowed the tears to finally flow freely.
There, sitting tightly side-by-side on the sofa, Alaina explained everything. The story started off painful, like the reopening of a wound, but the words came more easily as she described the truth of her marriage, how Sterling had left for the Continent without consummating their marriage, about the letters she’d written to him without response, how much he’d tossed her life upside down since his sudden return, and his assertion of celibacy—though she omitted Sterling’s claim that he’d been sent on an espionage mission for which he’d supposedly trained for years; there was no sense in dragging her friend into that mess. She detailed all of his concerted efforts to woo her all over again, the glimmers of hope she’d had at a future with him, the ways he’d proven to her that he did, indeed, care. And then she told her how it had all come crumbling down with the evidence of his lack of trust in her…that he’d also had Alaina followed and had spied upon her for years.
“Oh, my dear…” Lady Juliette crooned as she patted Alaina’s back and handed her yet another handkerchief.
“And now, I feel as if I’ve been shattered all over again,” Alaina said with a very unladylike sniffle. “He speaks of trust and civility and moving forward with our lives, yet he does things like this.”
“Men are often not the clearest thinkers.”
“To say the least.”
“And I had such high hopes for him after the last Society meeting…” Lady Juliette sighed.
“I am furious with myself,” Alaina groaned and swiped at her eyes again. “How could I fall for everything he said? I am a more intelligent, more self-reliant woman than that.”
“This has very little to do with brains or self-reliance.”
Did it? Alaina didn’t feel that way. She’d long prided herself on not needing a husband around to support her emotional needs. With Sterling, however, all of that seemed to have changed in an instant. She hadn’t needed to be so strong. Someone had been there to let her know she was seen, she was heard, and…she was loved.
A fresh wave of hot tears threatened to spill over. “He said he loved me. But a man who loves someone does not do the things he did. He does not have his wife followed, for goodness’ sake!”
“He said he loves you?”
“Yes. Though I suppose it was likely another of his falsehoods as he tried to endear himself to me once again.”
“Alaina,” Lady Juliette squeezed her hand. “The duke has made several mistakes—ones I fully believe for which he should be held accountable, and apologies are in order—but mistakes do not negate love. At least not real love.”
Alaina scowled. “The man was disproportionately upset about my involvement with Mrs. Worthy’s. He asked me to trust him but didn’t hold me in the same regard. He uncovered information through underhanded means and, rather than discuss it with me, he believed the worst.”
“We all believed the worst of him for many years, did we not?” her friend asked evenly. “And none of us trusted him. But now we have all seen the way he looks at you and…Alaina…that manlovesyou.”
Her heart leapt into her throat.
“Do not shake your head at me,” Lady Juliette admonished with a playful note. “Someone can make terrible mistakes and still be in love. Someone can be an utter imbecile and still be in love. If anything, love often amplifies a person’s other emotions and makes them far less rational than they normally are.”
“That sounds like an excuse to behave poorly.”
“It is not an excuse; I am speaking from experience. Men like to pretend they are noble and sensible, but it all flies out the window when love comes into play. Level-headed men act like fools, calm men run wild, hardened men turn soft.” The empathy in her friend’s eyes began softening Alaina’s resolve. “He was hurt, he jumped to a terrible conclusion, and it spiraled out of control. It was wrong that he did not trust you after asking you to place your faith in him, but it sounds like he regrets it. Did he regret it?”
Alaina pictured Sterling’s pleading hazel eyes, the utter devastation on his face when she told him she would be staying elsewhere. Part of her wanted to say he regretted it only because he’d been called out for his mistrust of her, but she knew him better than that. Alaina looked down at her lap and nodded.
“That’s a start.” A thoughtful silence dragged out between them before Lady Juliette continued. “You know, through this all, you have yet to tell me how you feel about him.”
Alaina’s head whipped up. “I am furious with him, of course! And I am hurt.”
“Understandable.” She tipped her head and lifted her brows at Alaina as if to say,And…?
“I thought…maybe…that is, no one ever made me feel like Morton has. I hated him for leaving, but I loathe him for returning and giving me hope—” Alaina’s voice caught on the last word. “He gave me hope for things I thought I’d lost forever. Companionship. A family.”
“Why must we lose all hope?” The words were a whisper floating on the air before lodging themselves within Alaina’s subconscious.
Was all hope lost? Had she and Sterling really tread into lands from which they could never return?
