Page 55 of Loving Mister Stratford
Simon,
I hope you know that I have always held a special place in my heart for you. We are two kindred spirits in that we were not always understood by the families into which we were born. The science that fascinates us confounds those we love. This is why I hope you accept the next thing I have to say with all the love in the world:
You are an imbecile.
I cannot pretend to understand the depth of your passion for your mathematics, but I know what I feel for George. Nothing in this world would keep me from him; not when he has supported me, not when he has seen me at my most vulnerable, not when he holds my heart and soul in his hands. Whether you realize it or not, Odette is this for you. You have shattered her heart and yet she refuses to speak ill of you. She remains your champion even in your inexplicable absence. To leave your wife for such an extended period of time is unconscionable; to refuse to return to your young, pregnant wife to support her during this time is unforgivable. You must…
The rest of the letter died away in a haze of smoke and noise.
Pregnant.
Pregnant?
He read the line several times over, stared out the window, and then read it several times more. His eyes hadn’t deceived him.
Odette was pregnant?
Confusion and dread crashed over him in equal measures. Why had Odette said nothing in any of her letters? And how in God’s name could he be a father?
A child was never something he’d considered. It was all admittedly stupid of him given the fact that he was highly-educated and hadn’t done anything to prevent Odette from falling pregnant, but it was terrifying, nonetheless.
Simon hadn’t experienced the best of boyhoods. The torture he’d endured had scarred him to that very day. How might he possibly be expected to coach a child through such experiences when he had none of the answers? Becoming a husband had terrified him. Being in charge of a small, innocent life petrified him to the point of numbness. What advice could he possibly offer a child? What did he know of fitting in and displaying acceptable behavior? And what if the child developed the same quirks from which Simon suffered? He knew he would never forgive himself if his child had to endure the same hellish childhood he had, filled with ridicule from his peers, punishments at school, and parents who shook their heads in loss and misunderstanding. He’d be solely to blame because Odette…Odette would be the most brilliant of all mothers.
The letter fell from Simon’s numb fingers and he doubled over as a wave of nausea struck him like a blow to the gut.
A baby.
There was only one thing he could do.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Odette accepted Meredith’s offer of more tea as she and her other sister-in-law, Lily, enjoyed the relative peace of the Sommerfeld townhouse. Jeremy and George had set up camp at a small table in a warm sunbeam to play a few hands of cards, throwing good-natured barbs all the while, interspersed with deep chuckles. Meredith’s unique indigo eyes would occasionally flit over to the game, but Jeremy had threatened to bow out if she played:“There’s no beating her,” he’d complained dramatically, though the kind humor never left his dark eyes;“At least with George, I have a chance!” Instead, the women formed their own triangle of chatter. Lily’s sons, Vincent and Edward, were napping up in the nursery—a room Meredith was kind enough to keep readied for their visits even though Odette knew it likely gutted her that the babes it housed were not her own.
Not for the first time, Odette sank back into her chair and took stock of just how lucky she was. The familiarity of these siblings and their respective spouses was something to be admired; their kind regard and clear adoration for one another was something to which one should aspire. It was all something she’d never before experienced, let alone for which she’d never dared hope or dream. The warmth and openness had taken some getting used to, but she quickly found she very much enjoyed it—that it actually suited her nature quite well, in fact, despite its differences from her upbringing.
She’d come to recognize that her mother loved her in her own way. She had yet to call upon Odette once since the day after the Haverford ball, which served only to underscore how theirs was not a relationship of reassurance and nurturing embraces. Odette may never comprehend how her mother could possibly be so cool and calculating when it came to her own child and the lives of others…but a deep part of her soul recognized that she would have none of this without her mother.
Of course, there was no denying the noticeable absence from their little group.
Odette barely checked herself just before she placed her palm to her abdomen in an instinctive acknowledgement of yet another thing she could indirectly attribute to her mother’s machinations—another way to remind herself that she wasn’t really alone, no matter how sick her heart felt. She’d sworn Lily and Meredith to secrecy and it wouldn’t have done to make such a gesture in front of the men.
Dr. McCullom had officially confirmed her pregnancy and gave her warm congratulations. Though she was certain his schedule was already quite full, he’d offered her his services should she ever have need of them. Odette had a strong suspicion his kindness was due in large to his long-standing friendship with Meredith, but who was she to turn down such an offer? It was yet another benefit to being a part of this powerful, well-connected family, she supposed. Even several weeks later…even after she’d felt the babe’s first flutters in her womb…it was difficult for Odette to comprehend the tiny life growing inside of her…part her and part Simon…
The mere thought of his name caused the wound in her heart to open wider. She’d so fervently hoped time and distance would help her to heal, but it didn’t seem that she worked that way.
Unfortunately.
Why couldn’t she have inherited her mother’s ability to walk away from a man and take with her only that which made her stronger?
She had yet to inform her sisters-in-law about Simon’s plans to travel to Germany. She had gotten to know Lily and Meredith so well over these past few months that she didn’t doubt what their reactions would be.
The last thing Odette wanted, however, was a husband who was forced to give up his dreams to be by her side. Simon had made it clear that this was where his heart took him, and she’d felt guilty enough over their forced marriage…to ask him to give up any more of his life seemed cruel. And she’d come to respect his passions over the short course of their married life. If this was what he needed in order to feel whole, then who was she to stop him? Though the thought of being separated from the man whom she loved so dearly for at least several additional months ate away at her spirits, she resolved to remain sturdy and confident. She had a new life upon which to focus her attention.
She had yet to write to Simon of her pregnancy and she’d lain awake late each night, her conscience tortured with just how to broach the subject. They’d never discussed a family, though a man as intelligent as he must surely have identified the possibility with all of their…activities.
In the end, she’d decided to send him a letter when he was well and truly settled on the Continent; in fact, she had (no less than a dozen) drafts of the letter tucked away in the drawer of the writing desk in her bedchamber. She planned to reassure him that he needn’t rush back to London—that his family was taking very good care of her. She had more than enough funds to prepare and care for the child in Simon’s absence, however long that may turn out to be. He hadn’t ever truly given her a date for his return and, if history were any indication, it could be an endless, winding road of research. Once intrigued by a particularly fascinating bit of information, Simon could potentially drag out a project for years if it showed promise—his journals had proven that to her.
The pleasant chatter droned on around her, but Odette heard nothing beyond a steady tone, like the wings of a hummingbird. The details of the rose-colored room blurred and faded as tears collected in the corners of her eyes.
