Page 22 of Loving Mister Stratford
Left alone to stew, he grew more and more frustrated at the fact that—for a man who was usually more observant than most—he didn’t know how he’d allowed himself to be tricked into the arrangement. It wasn’t that he regretted Odette, he simply regretted the circumstances.
His mind’s next leap was annoyance at his family. Rather than sympathize with his situation, more than a couple of comments as to his good fortune had been made—how else could he have found a wife of his own? (Surely he would have failed miserably if left to his own devices.)
Simon’s emotions were at war within his chest. His family insisted upon getting to know Odette; he struggled with resentment being aimed at a moving target. They made attempts to coerce him out of his rooms; he hid away and did his best to lose track of time.
George had banged into Simon’s rooms that first rainy evening, making Simon instantly regret not having packed up his work and moved to another chamber with much more difficult access for someone hampered by physical limitations. It wasn’t precisely kind, but it was the truth of how he felt when confronted by his elder brother’s glower.
“You’re being quite selfish, you know.” George limped into the room and towered over Simon where he remained seated at his desk.“You know I care about you, brother, and I’ve long accepted that you are the more observant, intelligent one of us two, but it is my turn to impart some blunt truth.” George raised his eyebrow in an admirable approximation of their father until Simon set aside his quill and leaned back in his chair, begrudgingly waiting for his brother to continue.“Your days of putting yourself first are over. Regardless of the circumstances of it, you’re betrothed now. Not that you’ve been around to witness it, but we are all finding Miss Leroy rather charming.
“Who knows? You may even find that you like her a great deal if you give her a chance—hell, you may even wind up enjoying wedded life.”
A twinge of guilt pricked Simon’s conscience, but he knew at the heart of it that no one truly understood him or his mind. They couldn’t fathom just how or why his work was so important to him. They had never comprehended that he needed the orderly numbers and facts. These things made sense to him in the way the rest of the world didn’t—the way his feelings for Odette tipped his existence on its ear in the most disconcerting way. These things helped to calm his frantic mind. They calmed him. Regardless of how it appeared to everyone else, Simon didn’t merely want the escape into his work, heneededit. It kept him sane.
Now that he was going to wed Odette, he hoped that she might one day understand it…but there was no going back if she didn’t. She’d been forgiving and kind up to that point, but Simon had learned on more than one occasion that even the most patient being could be tried by his habits. If Odette couldn’t accept him as he truly was, then, well…it would not be all that different from the first twenty-seven years of his life. He was used to the loneliness. But George’s words unearthed another of Simon’s anxieties he’d done an admirable job of setting to the side: He wanted Odette. He wanted her with a fierceness that terrified him because it nearly trumped his need for the calm orderliness of his numbers.
Simon may have secluded himself in his rooms, taken his meals separate from the family and their beguiling guest, and staunchly refused to stray from his work, but that didn’t mean that he’d forgotten Odette.
Far from it.
Indeed, his mind (and body) strayed to this knowledge more often than was conducive to productivity. He’d been able to gather together several more pages of research, but it was made more difficult by the fact that, following George’s unwelcome interruption, he’d been forced to pick up and relocate to another part of the house lest someone else attempt to locate him and force him into being more sociable.
He’d determined that he couldn’t trust himself around Odette until he could well and truly get her out of his system. As with his other preoccupations, this usually meant slaking his curiosity and moving on to focus once more on what was important. Unlike those other preoccupations, that meant wedding and (very promptly) bedding a woman. Until then, Simon was steadfast in his determination to spend whatever mental capacity he had remaining in his work. It wouldn’t be wise to allow himself to be too near to Odette until he was free to act upon his desires. His brain, however, wandered of its own volition during those sparse hours he allowed himself to give into exhaustion and sleep.
His mind drifted back again and again to the kiss they’d shared—her first kiss, a baser part of him crowed in heretofore silent masculine pride. The way she tasted haunted his dreams, her light scent carried him off to sleep, the dreamy look in her crystalline eyes and the memory of her petal-soft skin made him wake hard and aching for release. He had to endure several minutes of deliberate breathing before his pulse would slow to a more normal pace.
He remained steadfastly silent until George gave up and left him alone.
As luck would have it, Simon’s peace was disrupted the first sunny afternoon following the more pleasant turn in the weather. He’d just settled into his books and papers in an unused room in a far turret of Bridleton. It had, at one time, been used as a place to dry herbs and flowers from the manor’s kitchen gardens for cooking and medicine. The wooden walls still held the ghostly aromas of clove and rosemary, lavender and other scents Simon couldn’t quite place, though memories of them floated in the back of his consciousness.
Already absorbed in the figures before him, Simon hadn’t heard his sister-in-law enter the room until she stood over him, hands on her hips, and spoke.“Did you really believe one of us wouldn’t find you eventually?” Her tone was gentler than her words. Her approach was quite different than her husband’s browbeating had been a couple of days prior. Bluster, Simon could handle…this gentler, more rational approach knocked upon his conscience and begged his attention.
Huffing a quick, resigned sigh, Simon slipped a strip of fabric into his book to mark his page and stood, as social graces demanded.“To be honest, I’d known it was inevitable…though I’d hoped to postpone it another few days.”
Her cinnamon-colored brows knit together, more in concern than consternation.“But…why, Simon? I realize you’re busy and how important your work is—really, I do;” and Simon believed her, he’d always felt Meredith understood him more than any other member of his family;“however, I have to say it’s disappointing to see how little time you’ve spent with Miss Leroy.” Simon’s stomach sank with shame and he could no longer meet her gaze.
“You do like her, do you not?” Meredith asked.“You care for her?”
Simon’s jaw clenched with the inexplicable desire to admit to just how much he did, but he settled for a single, terse nod. It would be far from appropriate to discuss with his brother’s wife just how much helikedhis future bride.
“I believe you do. And I also don’t feel you should be expected to give up all of your endeavors now that you’re to be married. But,” she added sharply;“Miss Leroy deserves better. To her credit, she has yet to complain once, nor inquire after your absence.” This last caused Simon’s head to snap forward; Meredith’s lips tilted in a smile and, for the first time, he noticed how red-rimmed her normally bright, indigo eyes were.“It’s not for lack of curiosity, but out of respect. For you, I believe, sincerely.”
Simon’s heart skipped.“Now, are you going to join us all for a rousing game of pall mall this afternoon, or must I send George and Jeremy up here to drag you down to the lawn?”
Simon shook his head, the edge of his mouth tilting in the whisper of a smile. The truth of Odette’s respect for his work and his eccentricities was an exhilarating realization, but it was also deeply unfamiliar.
Sensing his inner turmoil, Meredith stepped forward and placed a hand on his arm. Her voice was infinitely patient and soothing when next she spoke.“I realize just how overwhelming all this change is—especially when it’s so unexpected. To share one’s life with someone, even if you care for them, is a daunting prospect.” Simon could only stare at the spot where her pale hand rested against the sleeve of his linen shirt. He hadn’t bothered dressing in a coat, waistcoat, or cravat since he’d had no intention of interacting with another person that day. The gesture was incredibly sisterly and comforting in a foreign way. He’d always known his sister, Lily, cared for him, but she’d always been much closer to George than Simon.“My suggestion is you take the time before the wedding to get to know her better than you already do. You enjoyed her company before all of this, because we both know you wouldn’t have spent as much time with her as you did.” She patted his arm once before stepping back.“We’re all going to take advantage of the break in the weather and spend some time out of doors. I insist that you join us in half an hour.”
“Whose bloody idea was this anyway?” Sommerfeld cursed with a grumble. He leaned on his cane to rest his right leg. Odette tried not to stare, but she was infinitely curious about the leather and metal contraption he wore strapped to that limb. It was fascinating.
“I believe it was yours, my love,” Meredith replied airily as she selected her mallet from the stack. She looked far better than she had in the family sitting room earlier that morning. She must have made good use of a cool compress because there was hardly a hint of tear-swollen eyes.
“Leave it to your impeccable memory to put me in my place.” He rolled his eyes dramatically, but even Odette could sense the joke in his voice. He curved an arm around his wife’s shoulders and pulled her close to press a lingering kiss to the side of her head.
A small smile curled her lips as she tested the weight of the mallet Shefford had handed her earlier. The little wickets had been set up by a couple of footmen before they’d tromped out to the expansive lawn. Some of the low points were still damp from the incessant drizzle, but, for the most part, the earth was dry enough for the game. As Lily explained it, the basic point was to knock one’s ball through the metal arched wickets and be the first to reach the designated peg. There was some discussion of strategy and blocking and knocking an opponent’s ball out of range, but Odette was far more concerned with not missing the ball and making an utter fool of herself as she fell on her rump.
The sun broke through the wispy clouds and the air felt instantly warmer and more welcoming. As much as she’d enjoyed exploring Bridleton these past few days—and could likely do so for many months and never learn the ins and outs of the expansive house—she was excited about spending time outdoors. She had yet to poke around much of the winding gardens she’d glimpsed outside of one of the corner turrets, or meander through the topiary and fountain arrangements. With just days left before the wedding, she hoped there would still be enough time to continue her investigations—in between wedding preparations, that is.
“Well.” Sommerfeld shifted his weight from side to side as he surveyed their little group.
