Page 6 of The Wing
“I’ve got you seeing Daisy first thing today so you can talk it out, and then you have another meeting with Jim.”
Great, another appointment with the psychologist. Honestly, Daisy is easier to talk to than he is.
“Right, okay. I’ll see you later.” I hang up the phone and drag a hand down my face.
Of all the options that ran through my head in the days and hours leading up to the squad announcement, I never thought I wouldn’t even be training. A sub? Sure. Told to stay in NZ and train with the other twelve rejects? Possible. But given mandatory leave wasn’t something I considered.
It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes the coaches require it if you’ve done a long stint of games without a break or, apparently in my case, if you’re suddenly in your head and can’t find the way out.
“Great. Just fucking great,” I mutter resentfully at the still steaming tea. God, the call wasn’t even long enough for the tea to cool. And I’m still required at training today before I’m exiled from the field.
Fix myself in a week or who knows what will happen to my spot on the team. Probably nothing for a while, but what happens if I can’t fix my mind and new guys show up on the under twenties that are better than me? I’d lose my spot. Never mind I was on that team and it’s what led to my place on the national team.
How do I fix myself in a week so I don’t lose my place?
I huff and sip the scalding tea. If I knew that, I’d be on the squad instead of given time off.
I finish getting ready for the day, unsuccessfully ignoring the churning anxiety in my stomach and the tightness in my throat, and arrive at the medic room with my hands shoved deep in my hoodie pockets to see Daisy.
Daisy glances up from wiping the bench and smiles gently at me. I stop myself from scowling at the pity.
“Hey, Hemi. How are you?”
“Fan-fucking-tastic. Love being given mandatory leave to fix myself in eleven days when I don’t even know what the problem is.” I hop on the bench and scrub a hand through my hair, wincing at the bitter sarcasm I just spewed at her. Someone who’s helping me.
“Sorry,” I mutter. “Long morning.”
Daisy pulls a wheelie chair to the bench and sits opposite me. Her brown hair is in a plait with the team cap shadowing parts of her face, but it doesn’t stop me from seeing the sympathy in her golden-brown eyes.
“I heard. I’m sorry, Hemi. It’s shit luck.”
I laugh without amusement. “Bad timing for it.”
“It is. But our minds are powerful and affect so much without us even realising.” She nudges my sneaker with hers. “I promise you aren’t that bad.” I roll my eyes, and she nudges me harder, possibly kicks, to get my attention. “You aren’t. Are you up to your normal standard? No, but you’re still playing fucking amazing. You’re hesitating when you throw the ball, that’s something you can work on.”
“I can. It’s just frustrating. I’ve worked to be this good since I was fifteen, and suddenly I don’t know how to catch? Or throw.” My foot taps quickly on the floor. “I don’t get it. And now, I’m not even on the team and?—”
“You are on the team, Hemi,” Daisy interrupts forcefully. “This is no different than if you were injured. We find what’s causing the issue, and we work towards healing it. In your case, you’re in your head about it all. You’re hesitating, and being given leave has spooked you and made it worse.” I frown and open my mouth, but she speaks first, “I have an idea.”
My mouth snaps shut, and I tilt my head at her. Why does she look so calculating? She never looks like that. It puts me on edge, and anticipation thrums in my chest. “You do?”
“I do.” She leans forward as if she’s telling me a secret. “You have a week off, right?”
“I fly out in eleven days.”
“Made any plans yet? Visiting family or going on holiday?”
I blink at her. “No?” My voice rises as if it’s a question, even though I know I haven’t made any plans. I only found out this morning. Where is she going with this? “Alex called me, and then I came here. I haven’t even told Charlie yet.”
Daisy nods to herself, and her eyes twinkle. “I have a friend who lives in Wanaka. He has a spare bedroom and is happy to take you in. You get away from Auckland, from family, friends, and rugby. Catch up on some books and completely forget about rugby. I think it will do you good. Might not fix everything”—she shrugs—“but it gives you a chance to think about something else. When was the last time you went on holiday?”
“I don’t remember,” I say slowly. And I don’t. Maybe school holidays over summer? During the off-season there’s still work to do, other teams to speak to, ad campaigns to complete, charity events, and training to keep up with. But Wanaka? With someone I’ve never met before? I haven’t even been to Queenstown before, and Wanaka is an hour drive from the tourist town.
“So visit Liam in Wanaka for me, get some rest and fresh air away from Auckland, and come to South Africa refreshedafter a holiday. Away from all this.” She gestures to the room where other players are entering and chatting to the head physio Adam. “It can’t hurt to try complete relaxation before you try anything else.” Daisy raises her eyebrows at me, as if she knows my plan was to train from dawn to dusk while the team’s away to try to fix myself.
Maybe she’s right? Maybe I do need a break from it instead of training more to fix something that apparently isn’t even broken. But…a stranger?
“Is Liam…” I trail off, not sure how to ask my question.
