Page 30 of The Texas Sterling Collection
“Yes, he did run from the house. But he’s not the one doing the avoiding. I am.”
“Why are you avoiding him?”
I raised my voice. “Because I’m afraid of what that kiss meant.”
“I see.” Walt’s tone stayed calm. He came around the breakfast bar to sit on the stool next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders. “Tell me about it.”
My shoulders shuddered as I took a deep, ragged breath. “During our guitar lesson, Rod was tense. I put my hands on his shoulders to massage away the tension, leaned over, and kissed him.”
Walt squeezed my shoulder. “How do you feel about kissing Rod?”
“Wonderful and terrified all at the same time.” My voice shook. Was I admitting to Walt that I like men? That I wanted Rod? That I considered him more than a friend?
Walt’s hand massaged my shoulder. “Why are you terrified, Wyl?”
“Because I don’t know how he feels, or how I feel.”
“I think you have the answer. You want to be with Rod. I’ve never seen you so depressed as in the past couple of weeks.”
I sat silent; my body shuddered as Walt continued to grasp my shoulder.
“Wyl, are you trying to convince yourself you’re not gay?”
“Oh, God.” My voice came out in a whine, and tears fell.
“Hey, being gay is not the end of the world.” Walt squeezed my shoulder again. “While I am surprised, no man dies from being attracted to other men.”
“Walt,” I paused, taking a deep breath. “I never told you, but I had an intimate relationship with a Marine buddy years ago. His name is Dusty, and I thought we were solid, but he turned on me one day. He outed me to other Marines and claimed I came on to him. I didn’t care about being outed, but his betrayal hurt me. I thought the guy had feelings for me, but he didn’t. I’m afraid to commit to another relationship because it hurts so much when it ends.”
“What makes you think Rod will end the relationship?”
“Why would he want me? He’s a smart professor. I’m a dumb rancher who doesn’t even have a college degree and goes around kissing his friends.”
“First of all, you’re not dumb. Second of all, being a rancher is something to be proud of. Third, you don’t go around kissing your friends because you don’t have any. Well, didn’t have any until Rod. And fourth, how many people with college degrees have the kind of wealth you have?
“You can’t buy love, Walt. Take Mitzi, for example.”
Walt sighed. “You’re right. But what makes you think you’re not good enough for Rod?”
I shrugged. “I guess I’m afraid of being hurt again.”
“What are you talking about? You’re hurting now.”
I sighed.
“Did you like kissing Rod?” Walt wiped a tear from my cheek.
“Yes.”
“Did you and Rod do anything else?”
“No. He left right after that.”
Walt paused, his brow furrowed as he loosened his grasp.
I stood and walked over to the windows. “Your frown tells me you think I was wrong. But wrong about what? Kissing Rod? Letting Rod leave without an explanation? Avoiding school because I’m afraid of what Rod might think?” I stood, breath coming in gasps, staring out the front windows, arms crossed.
Walt came and placed a gentle hand on my neck. “Wyl, my frown wasn’t critical. I’m trying to figure out how to help.”
