Page 279 of The Texas Sterling Collection
“Yes, Joey, it was love. And one day, your Pa told me he loved me. We’ve been married for twenty years.”
“Did you ever love anyone else?”
“No. Your father is the only one I ever loved. Of course, I didn’t have a lot of choices, but when we met, I knew he was the one.”
Joey pondered what his mother said. She picked up her sewing, started again, paused, and said, “What is going on, son? I’ve seen earthworms with more enthusiasm than you. Ever since that letter arrived from Felix’s father, your Pa and I can tell something is wrong between you and Felix. He never smiles anymore, and neither do you.” She looked at Joey.
Joey paused for a long time. He could not deal with his sadness alone. He needed to say something. He needed help.
“I never had a best friend before, Ma. I don’t know what to do. I can tell Felix is upset, but I don’t know what’s wrong or how to help.”
“Why did you ask me about love, Joey?” Mabel laid her sewing in her lap.
“No reason. I like Felix as much as I like Jacob. And I love Jacob. I was trying to figure out if I loved Felix, too.”
“Joey, the feelings you have for Felix are different from those you have for Jacob. You have known Jacob your whole life; he taught you many things. You love him because he is a part of your family. Friendship can often feel like love, but you and Felix have known each other for about a month. You became good friends quite quickly because you both needed a friend. Friends are often like family to us, but not the same.”
Joey sighed. “I guess…”
“Two men loving each other like a man and a woman love each other is called a crime against humanity, Joey. While your Pa and I never took you and Jacob to church much, the Bible says that a man loving another man is wrong.”
Joey pondered her words. Perhaps what he felt was the love of a best friend, but it certainly felt like something more. He would feel his life wouldn’t be complete without Felix in it. He needed to think about his feelings. Feelings he now knew he couldn’t admit to his parents. “Okay, Ma. I think I understand. Felix and I are best friends, and I’m sad because he’s troubled.”
“He’ll tell you why someday, Joey. Be patient with him. Best friends are there for each other, no matter what.”
“Thanks, Ma.” Joey went over and hugged his mother. He knew what he needed to do. Since Felix was ignoring him, he needed to get away to figure out what to do about loving another man who wasn’t his brother and how to get Felix to stop being angry.
Before dawn the following day, Joey rose and dressed. He grabbed bread, cheese, and a few small apples in the kitchen. In the barn, he saddled Lightning, put his supplies in the saddlebag, and set out.
Chapter Eleven
Joey missed breakfast.
After a sip of coffee, Grover asked, “Felix, have you seen Joey? I checked the barn. Lightning's stall is empty, and Joey's gone.”
“Did he go check the herd or something?” Felix said. He wondered if Joey had gone to find the little filly he talked about. Deep down inside, he hoped not, but that’s what Joey spoke about, so Felix would put Joey’s desires before his own.
“I checked the herd yesterday,” Grover said. “The cattle are fine.”
Felix shrugged. He ignored Joey so much over the past few days that he had no idea where his former best friend might be. Thoughts of how he treated Joey turned his stomach. He left half his breakfast uneaten and grabbed the old Fedora from the hat rack, leaving the new hat Joey gave him untouched, as he had for two weeks. “I’ll be in the barn caring for the horses.”
“Felix,” Mabel said, concern in her voice. “You and Joey are each having troubles, but please…if you know where he is…tell him we love him.” Her voice trembled a bit. Felix didn’t remember her ever sounding this concerned.
“Yes, son,” Grover said. “If you find him, make sure he’s not hurt, and come tell us. I don’t want him to think he’s in trouble. He and Jacob used to go camping sometimes, so he’s probably okay. But if he went out and got snake bit or attacked by a wildcat, that’s another thing.”
Felix nodded. “If I find him, I’ll tell him.” He headed out the door. Wildcat? Did the ranch have wildcats? Joey never mentioned it. Pa Sterling mentioned snakes several times, but Felix never saw one.
All morning, he mucked out stalls and fed and watered the horses. He spent extra time with Sparkle. He never developed a kinship with either Bonner horse like he did with Sparkle. Joey said Sparkle picked him, and Sparkle's actions proved Joey right. Sparkle became his new best friend. He shuddered at not having Joey as his best friend anymore. Not that it was anyone’s fault but his own. He pushed Joey away. But Joey wanted a little filly, and Felix must give Joey his freedom, no matter how much it hurt. Sparkle kept nudging him as if he had something to say, but horses don't talk, so Felix only wondered what Sparkle wanted.
Lunchtime arrived, and Felix went in to eat. Joey's absence and Grover and Mabel’s expressions increased his uneasiness.
“Did Joey say anything to you about camping or riding somewhere else, Felix?” Grover asked. “It’s not like him to disappear without telling us where he’s going.”
“Not to me, Pa Sterling.”
They ate in silence, as they had for the past couple of weeks. Reality hit Felix. He caused problems when he drove Joey away and hurt the whole family. This is not what he wanted. “I think he went to find a girlfriend,” Felix muttered.
Ma Sterling's unexpected, surprised expression flustered Felix. “What makes you think so, Felix?”
