Page 277 of The Texas Sterling Collection
The words stung Felix like a slap across the face. He didn’t understand his feelings for Joey, but they went deeper than friendship. He pulled away from Joey and moved to the far end of the seat. Despite his father’s insistence that he marry, he didn’t wanta little filly. It dawned on him that he wanted Joey. Picturing Joey with a wife and kids felt like a betrayal, and he didn’t understand how to deal with that.
“Hey…what’s wrong, cowboy?”
“Nothing,” Felix said. Joey’s statement about finding a little filly meant Joey didn’t feel the same way he did.
“C’mon. Talk to me.”
“I’m fine.” Felix turned his gaze to the prairie; anywhere but at Joey. He couldn’t look at the face that charmed him the first time he saw it.
“Felix?” Joey pleaded.
Felix didn’t respond, silent for the rest of the ride.
They arrived at the barn, and Joey pulled the wagon under the upper door to the loft so they could hoist the bales. Joey climbed to the loft and pushed the block-and-tackle out on the boom to lower the hook to Felix. Felix stayed on the wagon to hook the bales for Joey to raise. Grover came out to help move the bales into place in the loft. It was hot work, and Joey took off his shirt. Felix glanced at Joey’s bare chest and decided to take his shirt off, too. Modesty be damned.
“Hey…put that back on,” Joey laughed, “you’ll scare the horses.”
“Shut up,” Felix shouted. “If they are scared, it’s from you yelling at me.”
They both laughed as they worked, and the tension eased.
After they finished, the men went to the front porch to cool off. Mabel brought out a pitcher and four glasses, and they all quenched their thirst with the tasty, sweet watermelon drink.
“Oh…I almost forgot. A letter came for you, Felix. I’ll get it.” Grover disappeared into the house. A few minutes later, he came out with the letter and handed it to Felix. “I think it’s from your father.”
A dark cloud descended, enveloping Felix in gloom. He took the letter, opened it, and read:
Dear Son,
Your Mother said I must write to you and find out how you are doing. She worries that you are unhappy at the ranch, but I assured her that you are doing fine.
It has been busy down at the store. I’m looking forward to putting you to work when you get back.
I hope the Sterlings are making a man out of you. Emmaline sends her best.
Your Father
Felix crumpled the letter, jumped up, and ran. The screen door slammed against the house as he rushed inside. He couldn’t let the Sterlings see him cry. He bounded up the stairs two at a time, hurried into his room, and collapsed on his bed in sobs. His father was so controlling. He didn’t even address the letter to Felix by name. His father never said he loved him or even asked about his welfare. It was always about what his father wanted.
He shoved thoughts of his father aside. He could do nothing about the man who kept tight reins on his life. His thoughts turned to Joey, the bright spot in his life. Realization hit him like a rock hitting his chest. He loved Joey. With all his heart, he loved Joey. He got upset when Joey mentioned finding a little filly and settling down because he wanted to settle down with Joey and love him, but he was scared of loving someone, of loving Joey. Whether he wanted Emmaline or not, loving another man went against everything he had been raised to believe. He must distance himself from Joey. He didn’t want to hurt him, so pushing Joey away would make Joey hate him. And if Joey hated him, he could spare Joey from the heartbreak of love. He sobbed with despair over his controlling father and his love for his best friend.
A gentle knock at the door told him Joey was checking on him.
“Come in,” he choked out the words.
The door opened, and Joey stood there. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Joey.” Felix choked out the words. “I need time alone.”
Joey came in and stood next to the bed. “I need to tell you something, Felix,” his voice shook.
“What?” The emotional whine crumpled his word.
Joey knelt next to the bed. “I don’t know how to say this, so here goes,” he sighed. “I never thought I would find anyone to replace Jacob. I miss him so much. But then you came along, and we got along real good. Better than I expected. I love my brother, and I think I love you, Felix.”
“No—Joey, no.” Felix gasped. “You can’t.” He choked on a sob. “I don’t want you to. Go away and leave me alone.” he buried his head in his pillow, a muffled wail escaping his throat.
Felix ached to tell Joey how he felt, but knew his love could never be real. His father would be enraged to learn that his son loved another man, and years of his father drilling into him about the evils of self-pleasure had remained so ingrained in his mind that he couldn’t accept how he felt about Joey. It tore him apart inside.
