Page 26 of The Texas Sterling Collection
I strolled to the classroom and began the eight o’clock class. The empty desk in the back right corner dug an empty chasm in my chest.
One student asked, “Are you okay, Dr. Bonner?”
Pasting on a fake smile, I nodded. “Thanks for asking, Ms. Baker. I’m fine.”
I wasn’t up to lecturing, so I played musical examples for the class. Thoughts of Wyl crowded out everything else. Rather than risk another student saying I looked like shit or words to that effect, I dismissed the class early. I gathered my things and strolled down the hall to my office, glancing at the lobby, hoping to find Wyl sitting in his usual chair. The lobby and the chair, empty.
Drained, I strolled into my office. Stella’s shrill voice caught my attention. “Hi, Wyl. You missed class, and I’m checking to be sure everything is all right.”
Shit! I froze and listened. Since when did Stella contact absent students? Her job did not include that. Then I remembered the conversation I overheard last week, and alarm bells went off. Stella followed through on Mitzi's suggestion. Getting Wyl.
“Oh? A problem with one of your horses? So, you’ll be in class on Wednesday?”
Thank goodness—a horse problem. The tension in my chest eased. Wyl was okay.
“I don’t think missing one or two classes is worth dropping the course, Wyl. You can always talk to Dr. Bonner.”
Wyl’s internal struggle had nothing to do with school and everything to do with me. As the realization hit me, my angst turned to disappointment. Not in Wyl, but in myself. I should have stayed that night and talked him through the situation. Instead of scurrying away like the chicken shit I was.
“Okay. Whatever you think is best.” Stella’s voice jerked me back into reality. “Since you’re not sick, let’s meet for a drink this evening.”
Riveted to the spot, I engaged all my internal brakes to keep from charging into Stella’s office and grabbing the phone out of her hand. My teeth ground together, listening to Stella take advantage of my man when he’s down.My man?That, right there, was the problem. We weren’t at thehe’s minestage. We may have eventually gotten to that point. But now? By fleeing at the first opportunity, I pushed Wyl away. New relationships need time to develop, and the fallout from our unexpected kiss could be a roadblock to any hope of a future relationship.
“No, Dr. Bonner didn’t ask me to call. I checked student records for your number. I hope you don’t mind my checking on you.”
So, Stella took the personal initiative to call Wyl. And he asked about me? But did he ask out of hope I reached out to him, or out of hope I didn't bother him? As I thought about the overheard conversation between Stella and Mitzi, angry heat rose into my face. Mitzi, the person whose name upset Wyl the first day.
“The deli? Six o’clock? Perfect. See you there. Bye.” She hung up the phone.
I stepped to her office door, fighting to keep my composure as anger battled with hurt inside me. “Stella, I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation with Wyl.”
Stella’s bright red lips formed a smug smile. “Overhear anything interesting?”
“He missed class this morning. Is everything okay?” I wanted Stella to lie to my face.
“He’s fine. Said he needed to care for a horse or something.” She waved her hand in the irritating, dismissive,whateverway she used.
I gritted my teeth and shoved my hands in my pockets to keep Stella from seeing my clenched fists. “So, you two are going out on a date?”
“Uh…well…he said he’d meet me for a drink this evening at the deli downtown.” The cutting edge of her voice sliced into my fragile ego.
I blurted out my first thought. “Stella, staff-student relationships are against college policy.” Bile rose to my throat at the thought of my Wyl meeting Stella.No, not your Wyl. You fucking abandoned him, remember?
“I’m not doing anything wrong.” Stella leaped into defense mode with both feet. “He’s above the age of consent and unattached. Besides, he is one handsome man, and I wouldn’t mind him wrapping his arms around me every night.”
Knowing the warmth of those arms, I shook my head at the visual of those arms around Stella. A wave of nausea flooded my cramping stomach. “Remember our HR harassment training. One accusation from Wyl, and you’re out of a job.” I hurried down the hallway into the men’s room to calm down. Wyl agreeing to meet Stella crushed my ego so completely that my chest hurt.
For the rest of the day, my relationship with Wyl, which I destroyed, weighed heavily on my mind. I wanted to call the ranch. To talk to Wyl. To apologize. But acts of desperation seldom paid off. Most of all, I didn’t want to alert Walt to our unexpected but gratifying physical encounter. I wasn’t sure how much Walt knew about Wyl’s sexual preference. Saying something to Walt may bury the hatchet of regret deep in my chest.
* * *
After work, I went home. I undressed and tossed my clothes into a pile on the floor. Fuck neatness. Giving a shit eluded me. Tugging on loose shorts and a tee, I toed on flip-flops and trudged down to the kitchen. I poured a full glass of wine to take the edge off my emotions. I needed the buzz. In the living room, I plopped into my favorite chair to check my email. Huge mistake. My broken heart shattered further at the lack of an email from Wyl. I didn’t realize I hoped for word from him until disappointment tapped me on the shoulder.Sorry, buddy.Nothing but ads and news items. I finished that bottle of wine and opened another. Following a dismal attempt at supper and two more glasses of wine, I staggered upstairs and fell into bed.
Tossing and turning the entire sleepless night, I kicked the covers off. I wallowed in the emotional cesspool filled with the two biggest failures in my life, Patrick and Wyl. Did I somehow cause Patrick’s problems, and he fled because he decided he had no choice? For a decade, I blamed him, but with how I treated Wyl, I began to wonder. Could I turn things around with Wyl? Was I too late since he agreed to meet Stella for a drink? Did he already move on? My broken heart ached to talk to the man I loved.Loved? You loved him? You should have told him. Your troubles are your own fucking fault.
* * *
On campus, more than a week passed, and still no Wyl. The rumor mill churned from Stella bragging about her new boyfriend. She floated on cloud nine and boasted to anyone who would listen about the handsome and accommodating man. Although she never mentioned a name, I figured the new boyfriend must be Wyl. After all, she called him ten days ago, and according to her, they went on a date. A hot date. They no doubt made wedding plans by now.
