Page 128 of Captive Audience
By the time Rook kissed his way up my body and flopped beside me, I was limp, dazed, and wondering how my life had become one where a hot Irish gangster gave me orgasms before breakfast.
He wiped his mouth and looked pleased with himself. “Still mad?”
“It’s unfair to ask me that when I’m peaking on endorphins. But I’m adding this to your list of offenses. It’ll land somewhere between having me thrown in jail and obliterating my phone in the garbage disposal.”
He perched up on an elbow. “Just so you know, I don’t expect you to ever forgive me for what I’ve done.”
I rolled onto my side and mirrored Rook’s position. “I will intime. But forgiveness isn’t about you. It’s about me letting go of anger and choosing peace. And maybe I’m not ready to forgive you for forcing this on me.” I held up the glittering emerald on my left hand. “But I can at least understand why you did it.”
I toyed with a button on his shirt. “There’s this quote I’ve been thinking about lately.To live is to suffer; to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.”
He hummed. “You read some depressing shite, don’t you?”
My lips tilted up, but I kept my gaze on that button. “When Niall died, you lost your world. You told me you felt…dead inside. I think you’d lost your meaning. And then you found me.” My eyes lifted to meet Rooks’, and I held his stare. “Did you cling to me because you needed purpose? A new meaning.”
His jaw tightened, but he remained silent.
“I don’t want to be a Band-Aid, Rook. I don’t want to be the thing you lean on because you don’t know how to stand by yourself.”
He sighed and took my hand, twining our fingers together. “It’s true that when I found you, I was lost, and maybe that’s what kicked off my intrigue. If you’d turned out to be a right cow, I’d have forgotten about you in a heartbeat. But you aren’t. And when I learned everything I could about you, that’s when I became proper infatuated. The cases you pick, how you work on them tirelessly when no one else will. You struggle to make ends meet when you could be charging those families for your time. A PI sure as hell would. I admired all of that about you. It drew me in deeper because it reminded me of?—”
“Niall.”
He nodded once. “Aye. He was always helping people out, giving them cash, doing unexpected favors. I shouldn’t have been surprised by what he did for Catalina.” He gave my hand a squeeze. “So aye. At first, you were a crutch, and maybe you did give me purpose. But what I feel for you is real, Asha. I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.”
It wasn’t tidy or foolproof, but it was Rook’s truth. And sometimes, a person’s word was the only validation you’d get. It was enough for me, at least for now.
I glanced at the duvet and smiled to myself. “I can’t believe I’mgoing to say this, but I’m glad I met you that night at the bar. And I’m glad you made me stay with you.”
Rook’s methods? Not a fan. But the end result might make it all worthwhile.
“I’m glad, too.”
“No, jerk.” I laughed and shoved his shoulder. “This is the part where you’re supposed to say you’re sorry.”
“But I’m not.” He curled my hair behind one ear. “I never liked upsetting you, but I 'd do it all again to have you here, sleeping in my bed, moaning my name every night.”
“You’re incorrigible. In your next life, I hope you come back as a toad.”
“Aye, and I’ll hunt you down in that life, too. Then you’ll have to kiss me to find the love of your life.”
“That only works on frogs, gangster. And excuse me,love of my life? Who went and planted you on such a lofty pedestal?”
“Deny it all you like. You know I’m it for you.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to brush off his comment, but when I thought of leaving here, of leaving Rook forever, a heaviness settled in my chest.
Because Rook could be it for me.
He could absolutely sweep me off my feet and carry me away, never to return me to the land of normal people who did normal things like work for a living, take out the trash, and fight city traffic every day.
I wouldn’t have to wade through the cesspool of online suitors for a date with a mediocre man who stood me up to play pickleball with his friends. I wouldn’t have to waste my time making small talk with someone who thought my obsession with true crime was a cute hobby that would never lead anywhere.
Life with Rook would be complicated, and he’d frustrate the hell out of me. But he’d also challenge me, encourage me to push for my goals, and allow me to be myself unashamedly.
I could see it so clearly. And I wanted it.
I wanted it all.
