Page 73 of House of Blood and Roses: Vol. 1
I get to the top of the stairs and disappointment sinks in as I realise Linc isn't here yet. A small part of me wonders if he's been the stronger of the two of us and hasn't shown up, but I don't think that's true.
I slip my hand into my pocket and touch the key he gave me, considering whether it would be right for me to go to the private room. We definitely shouldn't be alone there, but he hasn't said I can't go alone.
That's not a good idea, though. I know it deep down even if there's a part of me that's tempted.
Instead, I wander towards the bookshelves.
"Marcus?" I call out, not wanting to walk in on a private moment between him and Lord Luca again.
No one responds, which I assume means my cousin isn't hiding between the shelves today.
I run my hand along the books, looking at the titles and testing my ability to read them. I'm definitely better at it than I was, but some of the fancier scripts still slip me up.
Footsteps sound behind me and I spin around only to accidentally bump into Linc.
He reaches out to steady me, the warmth of his hand immediately burning through the fabric of my dress with how much I want his touch.
And how much I can't have it.
I look up and meet his gaze, regretting it almost immediately when I see the same desire I feel within me echo back.
"Linc..." My voice cracks.
"I know." He pulls his hand away and I immediately miss the touch.
"Why is this so hard?" I know the answer to that question. In an ideal world, we'd be able to choose one another, even if it's too soon to think about anything as serious as marriage, but this world has chosen differently for us.
He gives me a tight smile. "Because we were brought up in the human world," he responds. "I don't know about you, but I always thought I'd get to choose who I married."
I nod and bite my lip, accidentally drawing his attention to it.
He clears his throat and tries to put a little bit more distance between us.
"Maybe this was a bad idea," I say.
"Probably," he agrees. "But we can manage this. I don't want to go back to a life without you, Bea."
I swallow hard and meet his gaze, seeing a surprising amount of pain there.
"I..." He takes a deep breath. "I don't think I'll be able to resist without you."
I don't need him to explain what he means, his urge to drink more wine is going to take a while to go away, if it ever does. "You can," I whisper, reaching out to touch his arm. "But you don't have to," I promise.
Relief rushes over him. "Thank you. I know I shouldn't put it on you like that."
"It's all right to ask for help, Linc," I say softly. "And I promised I would when you said you wanted to stop, I'm not going to turn my back on you now."
"I don't know what I did to deserve you."
I laugh. "You shared your spot with me when I needed it on the Golden Moon," I remind him. "Though I'll admit that knowing you now, the fact that you refused to give me the wine unless I drank it too makes a lot more sense."
He grimaces. "I wish I could remember. I was probably awful to you."
"You weren't," I promise. "You helped, actually. I felt less alone knowing someone hated the feast as much as I did." A shiver runs through me at the memory.
"Ah, yes, the reason for the wine," he mutters.
"I was hurt and scared after seeing Bash kill that woman." Saying the words is harder than I expect it to be, like there's still a part of me in denial about what my brother did. "It's the first time I saw him like that."
