Page 77 of House of Blood and Roses: Vol. 1
I turn around, facing him and realising how close he is. Close enough that if this had been a week ago, we would have kissed. But we can't do that.
I meet his gaze, seeing the pain I feel there.
"I want out," I whisper. "How can I not?"
He appears to be relieved, though it's hard to tell exactly what he's really thinking.
"I want a drink," he murmurs.
"You can't." I reach out to put a hand on his arm. "Don't let this get the better of you."
He gives me a weak smile. "It's only a matter of time, Bea. The idea of having to watch you get married to someone else is too much."
My breath catches in my throat at the implication that if I was marrying him things would be fine. Though he isn't wrong. If that was the case, then we would be fine, I just know it.
"If it happens, you just start again tomorrow," I remind him. "You're strong enough to do this."
"Sometimes I believe that." He moves away from me and I instantly regret the loss of proximity.
Pip lets out a whine.
"I should have checked I could bring her," I murmur.
"You're fine, Bea," Linc promises, leaning down to scratch my dog behind her ears. "I'm surprised you haven't brought her with you before."
"I wasn't sure if she was allowed in the library," I admit.
"Ah, I'm sorry, I should have thought to tell you it was fine."
"And I could have asked." I make my way over to the table where a set of teacups sits and pour myself some tea, only realising what I'm doing when I'm most of the way done. Have the two of us become so familiar with one another that it's now a shared space?
Linc returns to his seat and leans back, only for Pip to hurry over to him and look up with pleading eyes. He pats on his knee and she jumps up immediately to curl on his lip.
My breath catches in my throat and tears sting in my eyes. They look so perfect together, and I'm not allowed to have any of it for longer than this one stolen moment.
"Bea?" Linc asks.
"Sorry." I go to sit beside him, trying to get control over myself, but it's harder than I want it to be.
"What is it?"
"Just, everything," I admit. "I didn't realise how comfortable I was around you, and now it's only a matter of time before I'm not allowed to be comfortable around you. Once we're both married, we're going to have to keep our distance. And I mean, we already should be. Because what's really the difference between betrothed and married?"
"One could argue a few things," he responds.
"Well yes." I sigh. "I'm just conflicted about the whole thing. It's hard to feel loyalty to someone when I don't even know their name. Or what they look like. Everyone keeps telling me I know the person I'm betrothed to, but I don't."
"Are you sure?"
"I mean, I'm sure I've met him in passing, but I don't know him." I run a hand over my face. "And then there's what everyone else is telling me."
"Dare I ask?" Linc scratches Pip behind the ears and my dog lets out a satisfied sigh in response. She seems very happy sitting with him and I love it, even if it hurts.
"My cousin keeps warning me about not falling in love and says it's the worst thing imaginable to be in love with my husband."
"Bleak," he mutters.
"Mmm. And then when I was taken off-guard by my father announcing my betrothal, I said something about love and his suggestion was that I just take a lover if it bothers me. Discreetly."
