Page 72 of House of Blood and Roses: Vol. 1
I clear my throat. "Like you're thinking about kissing me. Or biting me."
"But that's what I am thinking."
"Linc, you can't. We can't."
He spins me around, and I try not to think about how easy it is to dance with him compared to everyone else. "I was actually thinking about how much I miss you," he responds as he pulls me back into hold. "This week has been lonely."
"It has." My words come out as more of a whisper than anything else.
"It's why I came tonight. I wasn't going to, but the thought that you might be here and that we could have a single dance convinced me that I needed to come. But now I'm here, I'm not sure that a dance is going to be enough."
My breathing hitches. "It's going to have to be," I remind him. "Our betrothals..."
"I know, Bea," he says softly, leaning closer than he should, but I do nothing to pull away even though I should. I hope the masks are hiding at least some of our identities so we're not too obvious in what we're doing or we could get into a lot of trouble for this. "You should come to the library tomorrow."
I suck in a breath. "We can't..."
"We'll stay outside the private room," he promises. "And we won't touch."
Despite every part of me knowing I should tell him no, I find myself nodding. "All right." I meet his gaze, trying not to think about how much I want to spend time with him. "I'll come after lunch, I have an etiquette lesson in the morning."
"I'm surprised you're still having those."
"I've been at court just over a month," I point out. "I definitely still need etiquette lessons, especially if I'm currently planning an illicit rendezvous."
"There'll be nothing illicit about it," he promises.
I meet his gaze. "I think just the fact we want to spend time together and not with the people we're supposed to be interested in is enough to make it illicit."
"Ah, then it is. But we'll make it so that nothing untoward happens," he promises. "We'll discuss history and drink tea."
"It sounds wonderful." I've missed him more than I imagined possible, especially for someone I've only just met. And staying away has been making me miserable. So perhaps it's best if we try something else.
The dance comes to an end and disappointment grows within me.
"I don't suppose I can convince you to dance again?" Linc asks.
"We shouldn't," I respond.
"No, you're right." He steps back and bows deeply.
I immediately miss the contact between us, but know there's nothing we can do to change that. I dip into a curtsy, knowing I can't draw more attention to us than we already have.
I meet Linc's gaze and I can see reluctance that echoes my own looking back to me even through his mask. I wish this could be different, but I know that there's nothing we can do to change it. At least not yet.
It takes everything I have to tear myself away, but even as I do, I spot Lord Fallmartin watching me.
My whole body goes on edge and I prepare myself for some kind of admonishment. It's not that I'm not allowed to dance with anyone who isn't the Prince, it's more that anyone with any sense whatsoever would be able to see that there's more between us than one dance, even if I'm trying to do my best to make sure that isn't obvious.
Instead of responding in anger, he merely nods in my direction, only confusing me more about the whole situation.
TWO
With every step I take up to the third floor of the library, I know I'm making a mistake. And yet I can't bring myself to turn around and go home. If I'm going to stay at court, and despite my original plans to escape and find a mythical cure for vampirism, it seems that's what I plan to do, then I'm going to do it on my own terms. I can be friends with who I want to be.
I know I'm fooling myself, but I just can't help myself. And in the back of my mind, there's still the echo of Lord Fallmartin's words about taking a lover and just being discreet about it. I'm not sure how I feel about that, it's not something I ever expected to consider. Then again, I always thought I'd marry for love, and the situation has changed.
I push the thought aside. Not only is it unfair to the Prince I don't know, it's also dangerous, and I'm not going to allow my feelings to get in the way of surviving, even if they kind of already have.
